Come Wake me Up
by beckettlovescastlealways
Summary: Set before Hannah leaves. When the world is expecting so much of Brennan what does she do to relieve the numbness? What happens when the others find out? What happens when she takes it too far?
1. Dream

_**A/N Welcome all of you to Come Wake me Up. To those who have read before and are returning for new chapters, thank you for your patience and understanding, please feel free to read it back through, I've added quite a bit as I revised to prepare for the remaining part of part two. For those who have stumbled upon this fic recently, thank you for joining the ride, I hope you enjoy.**_

**_this fic will get dark, but will have a at least content ending, maybe even happy, but it will _not_ be a smooth road, nor particularly happy thus I leave this list of trigger warnings for you. This will be the one time these are listed._**

**_part 1(ch1-12)_**

_**self harm, a**__**ttempted suicide, **__**mentions of torture, **__**mentions of rape, **_**_panic attacks, _**_**blood, **__**PTSD**_

_**part2 (ch13-27)**_

_**thoughts of self harm, **__**mentions of torture and rape, **__**blood, **__**serious injuries, **__**PTSD, **__**panic attacks**_

* * *

_**Tonight your memory burns like a fire**_  
_**With every one it grows higher and higher**_  
_**And I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love**_  
_**I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back**_  
_**Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming**_  
_**Come wake me up**_

_**Turn the TV up loud just to drown out your voice, but I can't forget**_  
_**Now I'm all out of ideas and baby I'm down to my last cigarette**_  
_**Yeah, you're probably asleep deep inside of your dreams while I'm sitting here crying and trying to see**_  
_**Yeah, wherever you are baby now I am sure you moved on and aren't thinking twice about me**_  
_**And you tonight**_

_**Tonight your memory burns like a fire**_  
_**With every one it grows higher and higher**_  
_**I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love**_  
_**I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back**_  
_**Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming**_

_**I know that you're movin' on**_  
_**I know I should give you up**_  
_**But I keep hopin' that you'll trip and fall back in love**_  
_**Time's not healin' anything**_  
_**Baby, this pain is worse than it ever was**_  
_**I know that you can't hear me, but baby I need you to save me tonight**_

* * *

Dream

Brennan's POV

_The laughter from the Jeffersonian flitted through the Founding Fathers as Hodgins tried to tell them a story about his college roommate, some vodka, and a dollar store water gun._

_The group lapses into comfortable silence they keep the quiet over their table until it's broken by Cam seeing the time and announcing, "Well, I got to go, Michelle is home tonight."_

_"I probably should be heading out to." Hodgins says then looks at Angela, "Need a ride?" he questions._

_She nods, rising slowly ._

_"I probably should go to." says Sweets_

_"Ok," Brennan says with a smile in their direction, "See you guys tomorrow."_

_"Bye, drive safe." Booth tells them, scooting over a few seats to sit by me_

_"I really should be going as well, Booth."_

_"Come on, Bones, just one drink please."_

_"Fine Booth, just _one_."_

_He raises his glass "Here's to partners, to right here, and right now."_

_"And to that not changing," I say clinking my glass against his._

The scene from over a year ago fades from my eyes as I crash back to reality.

Booth is with Hannah, he doesn't care.

Angela has Hodgins to care for her.

Sweets has Daisy. And Cam has Paul, she blames me for the team breaking up anyway.

Cam is in charge of the lab and Hodgins is it's largest contributor.

All in all I'm pretty useless.

The scene that less than 12 months ago that was pretty much a weekly occurrence was not just a dream, but a fantasy.

I take the disposable razor blade and slowly pull it across my shoulder:

Twice for hurting Booth.

A third for leaving.

The fourth for being jealous of Hannah.

The fifth is because of what my 'friends' would do, how they would feel, if they found out.

I stop, watching the blood trickle down my arm in morbid curiosity until it starts to pool in the crook of my elbow, I wipe it away just before it drips to the floor.

After I finish cutting I take the blade and wrap it in a couple dozen squares of toilet paper and toss it.

I grab some disinfectant and spray it onto my shoulder I half hiss at the sting, but I'm used to it now. I can't let anyone figure it out. An infection would definitely lead to that.

I wrap it In a plain bandage so as not to stain the bed and then proceed to get ready for sleep.

As I lay down I half expect to be greeted by my now constant friend, insomnia, but that was better than the other option of nightmares. I guess the latter one won out as I slowly drift off.

_I awake in a dark room with a single light pointed directly at me. The first voice I hear is Booth's. "God, Bones why are you so damn selfish, I'm finally happy with Hannah. Don't you see, I never cared about you… You're worthless… Get a sole."_

_Then Hodgins voice joins in "Is it really that easy for you!? To forget what happened to us! Are you really that emotionless?! That cold?!"_

_Then Sweets "You don't care… You're a cold fish."_

_Then I hear Cam's voice. "What happened is you put your own desires ahead of everything else and we had a great thing going. You just... you let it fall apart."_

_Then Angela's voice joins in ". You're going to die alone. How can we be friends?"_

_The voices seem to get louder and louder until I yell "Enough!"_

I bolt up awake in my bed.

Seeing that I got about an hour and a half of sleep which is double what I normally get, I get up and just try writing my book knowing I won't get any more sleep tonight.

I write till I have to get ready for work, Have to get ready to fake being okay in front of the people who know me best.


	2. Haunted

_**I probably wouldn't be this way**_  
_**I probably wouldn't hurt so bad**_  
_**I never pictured every minute without you in it**_  
_**Oh You left so fast**_  
_**Sometimes I see you standing there**_  
_**Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch**_  
_**Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much**_  
_**God gave me a moment's grace**_  
_**'Cause if I'd never seen your face**_  
_**I probably wouldn't be this way**_

* * *

Come morning, I slowly pull the bandage off my shoulder trying to stop the scabs from bleeding when it comes off revealing the mess of pale scars, puffy pink older cuts, and angry red cuts across my upper arms, I pause at the view showing how weak I am. I can't help but hope that one day I cut too deep, let them know how weak I actually am.

I slowly finish getting dressed hoping none of the scabs start to bleed on anything. I put a navy blue top on making sure the sleeves cover the lowest scar up to the highest cut. It will hide any blood that comes if a scab opens up. I put on a nice pair of black dress pants and head for the door.

As I enter the Jeffersonian I do everything that is expected of me as I fake being better than just getting by, if that's even what I'm doing. So I smile as the others say good morning to me, even though it's anything but a good morning. I laugh at Angela's joke that everyone had heard before, like I'm supposed to, though I feel like crying. I check in with Cam then find myself hoping that we don't have a case so I can hide in Limbo.

As it turns out we don't, which is good because a case means acting ok for two more people, Booth and Sweets. It's hard enough to pretend in front of Angela, Hodgins and Cam without adding the person who knew me best and the person who deals with emotions everyday and are both geniuses at reading people's actions.

Little did I know that even with all the faking they did notice the haunted look in my eyes.

It's lunch time before I finally leave Limbo, leaving being a habit from days long gone when Booth would come to drag me out for lunch, before he got tired of lying, or pretending to care.

Of course my plan to slip out undetected is halted by Cam, "are you feeling okay, Dr. Brennan?"

"Yes, why wouldn't I be, Dr. Saroyan?" I ask with a forced smile, hoping she wouldn't notice anything wrong. I note that the lab is mostly empty

"You seemed…off… this morning." She said with a piercing look in my direction.

"What do you mean 'off'." I ask confused.

"Kind of, I don't know, like you would rather be anywhere else."

"I apologize Dr. Saroyan, it won't happen again."

"O…Kay ." She says giving me a look I can't quite decipher.

"Want to go for lunch? I was about to go to the diner." I ask hoping to direct the subject to something else that does not revolve around how messed up and weak I am.

She must have known the other conversation was not going to continue "Sure."

As we leave the Jeffersonian I can't stop going to, as Booth calls it, la la land, and as a result I don't really hear what Cam's talking about or notice the big rise in a section of the sidewalk. I feel it knock my feet out from under me, I feel the nearby lamp post ruffle my shirt sleeve and pushing it up to well past my lowest cuts and scars. I didn't notice it happened until after blood is trickling down my arm. I watch it for a second before I realize how noticeable it is and I snap my eyes up to Cam. She is looking at the scars criss-crossing my upper arm and shoulder and the fresh blood.

Her eyes shoot up and meet mine I see worry and betrayal but not surprise.

"Dr. Brennan…"she says, apparently overcoming her shock to try and speak.

"It's nothing." I interrupt her before she can continue. I turn on my heel and walk quickly back to the Jeffersonian before she can say anything else, before she can lie.


	3. Regrets

**_There's a rain that will never stop fallin'_**

**_There's a wall that I tried to take down_**

**_What I should have said just wouldn't pass my lips  
So I held back and now we've come to this  
And it's too late now  
What do I do now that you're gone  
No back up plan, no second chance  
And no one else to blame  
All I can hear in the silence that remains  
Are the words I couldn't say  
I should have found the way to tell you how I felt  
Now the one I'm telling is myself  
What do I do now that you're gone  
No back up plan, no second chance  
And no one else to blame  
All I can hear in the silence that remains  
Are the words I couldn't say_**

* * *

Regrets

When I get to the lab I make haste for the bathroom, I grab a handful of paper towels and start soaking up the blood. Thankfully, it stops bleeding quickly and I can lower my sleeve so it once again covers my scars without leaving a noticeable stain.

I then pull on my lab coat happy it will hide the small blood stains on my shoulder, not that you could tell, thankful that navy blue makes it all but disappear. With the addition of the lab coat not even the brilliant scientists of the Jeffersonian will notice.

I pause for a minute, trying to think of what to do about Cam seeing the cuts.

Would she tell Sweets or Angela?

Would she tell Booth?

No, she usually tries to tell as few people as possible about personal things. But what if this time she didn't, what if she did tell one or more of the others?

If she did tell what would happen is Sweets would call the hospital, they would force me to take antidepressants and those already aren't working. Booth and Angela would blame themselves, probably think they should've seen it.

I can't do that to them.

So what could I do, Cam is smart enough to know, that based on the number and my reaction to her seeing them, that it wasn't an accident, that I wanted to keep them hidden. What other conclusion would she come up with but the truth?

I could lie, tell Cam they're from digs or foster care. Tell her that I was surprised to see a cut I got a few days ago bleeding so much. I could tell her I did cut, but I stopped years ago. I _was_ at almost 15 years, at least until everything fell apart. Tell her anything but the truth, feed her the lies the others believe so easily. But even with all the lying in the world, the reaction I had should've been enough for anyone to know, especially a former cop. Add the fact that she didn't look all that surprised…I won't lie, I logically can't.

I could run, leave until she forgets, go on a dig, call it a vacation, a sabbatical, just quit, but I won't ruin my family, because they are just that, not by blood but by choice and just as strong, but the last time I left we almost broke entirely… I won't run, I can't force myself, emotionally.

I could face it head on, tell her the truth. And see the pity in her eyes, have them blame themselves for my weakness, that could break the team…I won't tell the truth, I don't want and can't handle their pity.

I could tell her that it is none of her business, that wouldn't work, she would be more worried, insist that it is her business. I won't do that, to much potential for guilt.

I could pretend it's nothing, pretend that everything is better than fine, that I'm not just barely getting through each day but, that is a lie…I won't pretend.

So that leaves avoidance, it couldn't be that hard I have months of paperwork to do, that will be a fine excuse, hopefully no one will question it.

It works for the day. Until well after Hodgins and Angela leave for the day, until I'm alone with my regrets and thoughts in my office, well after I've slipped off my lab coat and become just Brennan, not Dr. Brennan.

I look up at a knock and see Cam lingering by the door not quite crossing the threshold into my office. "Yes, Dr. Saroyan?" I ask feigning calm, looking back at the paperwork already having a pretty good idea what this is about, though not wanting it to happen.

"You've been injuring yourself."

I freeze, surprised but not totally. "Yes, Dr. Saroyan."

"I can't do nothing about it, Dr. Brennan, you know that. As your boss, you could become a danger to yourself or others in the field or lab."

"I'd never, ever do that Cam, I won't put others in danger."

"As your friend, am I supposed to let you continue, you know as well as I do that blood loss is not a walk in the park, even if you aren't going for the kill you could still accidentally kill yourself or cause serious damage, am I supposed to be okay with that?"

"Yes, you aren't supposed to care. I'm not worth it."

"Well tough, I do care, everyone in the lab cares. I was thinking about it earlier, and no matter what way I spin it I should've known that you weren't ok." She says taking a few steps closer to my desk.

"Leave it alone, Cam. I'm fine." I say only then looking up at my boss and friend.

"That's bull Dr. Brennan and we both know it." She says not breaking eye contact for more than a split second.

What am I supposed to say to that, that I realized that my life mean nothing to me without them, that I am _expendable_, that I am to weak to live alone now, even though I've been alone most my life? Was I supposed to say that I couldn't _breath_ when Booth gambled our partnership when I knew I'd have to hurt him. Crimson blood stained my arm for the first time in over a decade and a half, that it continued for weeks before I went to Maluku where I did it at least three, if not four or five, times a week, just to make the pain my own? Or am I supposed to say that she and Booth and everyone else were right? That I am _selfish_ that I am _incapable_ of human emotions, but I can feel the slight sting proving I can at least feel physical pain like any other person? That it stops the nightmares, sometimes.

But instead of answering with any of that, I respond with "What do you want me to say?" In a calm voice we both remain silent for a second. She seems to realize that I'm asking a dozen or more questions in one, am I supposed to lie or tell her everything, tell her not to tell anyone, or ask for help, yell and scream and fight, or cry and admit everything?

She doesn't answer instead she sighs then says, "I will put you on suicide watch. I'll call Sweets. You will not be allowed in the field with Booth."

"Maybe that's for the best…"

"Brennan…"

"You know what, Cam, do what you have to and, I will do the same." I say shutting down my computer before trying to leave the room, but when I pass by Cam she grabs my wrist barely holding it. I still turn to look at her, but her eye contact doesn't break from mine and instead of seeing anger I see sadness. "Let it go, Dr. Saroyan, it's not worth it, _I'm_ not worth it."

"What does that mean, where did you get that idea?"

"It's the truth." I say, finally leaving my office and the Jeffersonian.

I run to my car, hardly breathing, I kick the door before throwing it open and slamming it shut, shoving the key in the ignition. I pause for a moment as the tears start to spill down my face as I pull out of the parking garage. I make a decision that may hurt them, but no less than I already have.

Besides I'm not worth it.

I won't be grieved for like a person.


	4. Tears

_**Tomorrow they'll know**_  
_**What I've done here tonight**_  
_**The drastic steps I'm takin'**_  
_**Are just an act of desperation**_  
_**I knew no one would miss me **_  
_**So what the hell**_  
_**I fought and lied I drank too much**_  
_**Hurt every one I ever touched**_  
_**Just how much I hurt you is hard to tell**_  
_**This is not some kind of cry for help**_  
_**Just good bye I wish you well**_  
_**Because I love you **_  
_**I'm gonna kill myself**_

* * *

Tears

My hand hesitates over the paper. I know this will hurt them, for a while, they will probably feel undo guilt, but they deserve to know why.

I'm not vain enough to think it will deprive families of the truth though. The team is great, even without me.

They should know that they're not at fault. That I'm just too weak to keep up the façade that I'm okay

**_My Family: Angela, Jack, Booth, Cam, Sweets, Zack, Dad, Russ._**

**_Thank you,_**

**_For helping and supporting me over these years. For loving me and showing me what love is, I know I never made it easy. I'm sorry for the lies I have told, at the time I thought they were for one or more of your benefits, many of them I still stand by doing._**

**_Angela, there was nothing you could've done that would change this outcome, it's been inevitable for awhile now. I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough to change it. I love you, more than you'll ever know, I'm sorry I couldn't be the friend you deserve, that you had me as a best friend._**

**_Hodgins, I can't think of anyone more worthy of Angela, please don't let this eat her alive, or yourself. You are one of the people I trust most, I thought you'd better know that. I'm sorry I didn't help you after the gravedigger caught us. I'm sorry for that moment I was happy. That moment was simultaneously the most terrifying and happiest moment in my life when I realized I wasn't alone in that car. I wasn't lying in the airport before I left._**

**_Cam, you get your job back you're officially the boss of the lab again, though I can't fathom why you accepted my terms, none the less, I am very grateful for it. To say we got off to a rough start would be an understatement, but I love you. I'm sorry how our last conversation went. Can I ask you one last thing? Don't let the interns leave the Jeffersonian. Find someone new to teach them, you have the list, don't let them be punished for their teacher's weakness. I'm sorry for not listening earlier._**

**_Sweets, thank you for putting up with Booth and I all these years, and helping us. You may want to know that you're primary conclusions about Booth and I from your book was right, at least for me, the dam broke, but that is not what resulted in this decision. I love you, Baby Duck, you couldn't have stopped this though. I'm sorry for disrespecting you, that I doubted you repeatedly._**

**_Zack, you are truly King of the Lab. You are the best forensic anthropologist I ever had the pleasure of working with. I know you didn't actually kill the man, the evidence doesn't make sense. I spent a long time trying to figure out why you made the decision to tell us you did it, but I think I finally figured it out. Finally, I'm sorry for not not being a better teacher._**

**_Dad, I know by doing this I'm negating all that you and Mom did to keep us safe. I'm sorry I'm so broken Daddy. I've tried to hide it and I think for these last few years I've been the happiest since I was 15. I'm sorry for the trouble this is going to cause, I'm sorry I wasn't stronger._**

**_Russ, I never stopped loving you. I'm sorry to do this to you and the girls. Please don't hate me for leaving you. I'm sorry for pushing you away all those years. I'm sorry I didn't understand what nineteen meant, Polo._**

**_Booth, I'm not quite sure to write you. There was a time where you knew everything about me. I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance, I couldn't saddle you with my demons, not this time. I had so many and the trip to Maluku added many more. Please forgive me for the night in front of the FBI building, I just couldn't risk hurting or losing you, though I guess I did anyway. Do you remember the conversation we had maybe two or three months into our partnership, about how when you go on vacation alone you think about not coming back? Just think of this as though I finally took that to heart and decided not to come back from Maluku. Please don't stop being… you. I'm sorry I couldn't give you 30, 40, 50, years. I wish you and Hannah the best._**

**_Truthfully, I'm not sure if this is the best course of action, but I just can't compartmentalize anymore. I can't lie anymore. I've given it my best but, my best hasn't been good enough. It hasn't for a while. I have to end my life before you guys realize how broken I am. You were wrong to care for me and I hope you are able to stop loving me. I'm so sorry, I just can't deal with this anymore, I've tried, I swear I have, and for a while I was succeeding, but I've well and truly failed._**

**_Don't blame yourselves._**

**_Sincerely yours,_**

**_Dr. Temperance Brennan_**

I finish the note signing it with a almost flourish like I would to sign a book or paper work.

I grab two piles of papers one being my most recent book, completed in a fit of insomnia, I know that it will give them more answers than the note ever will and the other is my will.

I had already calculated the lethal dose of the antidepressants and sleeping pills when mixed with vodka as all the systems would shut down. I planned to take them quickly then to speed up death I would cut my brachial artery and my cephalic and basilic veins on both arms one quick, deep, cut just above my elbow. I could cut the carotid or jugular but it would cause massive spray that would make the apartment so bloody and I don't want anyone to find me like that.

I grab the glass of vodka and half of the pills swallowing them with one gulp I repeat the action with the other half I then grab the knife, I had brought it home from one of my digs in Guatemala. The decorations on the handle digs into my palm. I start at the left side of my forearm plunging it in over my brachial artery the blood starts forcing it's way out of the wound, I pull it across my arm till the blood turns darker, I had hit the veins. I pull it out and repeat on the other arm. The blood mixes with the tears flowing down my face. The black spots start swimming across my vision , I feel my hand lose it's grip on the knife as my body falls to the ground.

Dr. Temperance Brennan is dead.

CWmUCWmUCWmUCWmUCWmUCWmUCWmUCWmUCWmUCWmU

Cam's POV

"Come on, Booth, pick up, pick up." the litany I'm repeating under my breath does no good as Booth doesn't answer any of his phones and I've tried them all repeatedly. I slam the phone down when I get another voicemail. I grab the phone again but this time instead of Booth I try the next best person, thanking God when he answers within the first two rings

"Dr. Sweets." He answers and I sigh in relief

"Sweets, I need you to meet me outside the Jeffersonian." I say trying to keep my voice steady, but failing miserably.

"I'll be there in 5 minutes, Dr. Saroyan." He says even as I hear him starting his car

"What's going on, Dr. Saroyan?" He asks, barely letting his car stop before he is outside it and walking towards me.

"It's Brennan, she's hurting herself." I tell the shrink.

"Did you call Booth?" Sweets asks me, trying to appear calm but completely failing to hide that he's worried for the anthropologist.

"I tried to but, he didn't answer." I say not quite hiding my anger at my long time friend.

"Ok and you're worried about her doing what?" He asks me, trying to figure out why I told him tonight, told him to meet me instead of just telling him over the phone.

"Trying to kill herself? Or something else?" I flinch at the idea, that is slowly seeming to be more and more of a real possibility.

I don't want that thought to go through my head, but with the comments she made before she left, I honestly think someone knowing may be the straw that breaks the camel's back. I pause before just saying.

"Call it a gut feeling but, yes. The way she was acting, the way she was talking…I think she will try to kill herself, quite feasibly tonight."

"Ok, let's go check on her." He says turning back to his car

"What do you mean?" I ask, my mind reeling after this whole day, a bit confused as to how little persuading it took for him to believe me. Hell, until today, I wouldn't believe me.

"I've been worried about Brennan for quite awhile now, Booth told me I was crazy but, you're telling me something is wrong, quite frankly I trust you and the others in the lab over Booth when it comes to her as of late." He says moving to the driver side of the car.

"I'm going to check on her, it would be awesome if you came incase you're right, M.D. and all that." He says looking at me over his car with the door open I nod and get in.

The car ride is almost silent except for Sweets' tapping on the steering wheel at the stop lights, how we hit every single one in the twenty minute ride, I'll never know. My thoughts are running rampant through my head each one more worrisome than the previous.

We get to her building in record time, barely slowing down. The doorman doesn't stop us knowing where we're going as we jog up the one set of stairs to floor 2 finding her apartment quickly.

Sweets grabs her doorknob and attempts to turn it neither of us believing that she would leave it unlocked but to our surprise it clicks open, my stomach drops to my heels as we take a few tentative steps into her apartment. Then we see a crimson pool of blood surrounding an unconscious Brennan. Blood is coming from her arms, an alcohol bottle overturned on the table mixing its contents with the blood. Nearby a stack of papers and a knife resting about two inches from her, it appeared to have fallen from her hand. On the counter a few pill bottles have been knocked over and show there remaining contents.

I rush beside her kneeling right by her arm, the warm blood making short work of seeping through my pants as I check for her pulse and sigh in relief when I find it, it's weak and racing from the blood loss, but there nonetheless. I turn to Sweets "Call 911!" My voice steady, I know what to do, I know how to help.

I tear the blanket from the nearby couch ripping a portion of it off and tying it tight just over the slightly shallower cut on one arm while using the other portion to try and slow down the bleeding on the arm closest to me. But I don't know how long that will work. When's the damn ambulance getting here?

I'm answered by Sweets reentering the room. I look up at him for a split second.

"When will they be here." I ask trying to hide my fear, as the blood starts to coat my fingers, this will only work for a short time… if the don't get here soon then…

"They said They'd be here in five or six minutes." He states "What can I do?"

"Check if she took anything and what the hell she took. Maybe she made a mistake and her blood flow will be slowed." I say moving my head in the direction of the counter. Hoping against hope that for once in her life, Brennan made a mistake.

"On it," he says grabbing the two pill bottles. "this one is an antidepressant, bupropion hydrobromide, Aplenzin, if she took a handful of these it could've been enough to force unconsciousness let alone adding this." he says holding up the other bottle "Xanax, powerful used to also stop night terrors and sleepwalking. You know why she had these?"

"No, what would happen if you took those with alcohol?" I ask knowing the answer but hoping I'm wrong.

The look on his face does nothing to comfort me, he knows enough about drugs to know that that combination is deadly.

He is stopped from verbally answering by the paramedics coming in. They immediately rush over and one of their hands replace mine over Brennan.

One of the three paramedics starts asking us questions "Do you know her name?"

"Yes, Dr. Temperance Brennan, she works with Dr. Saroyan here at the Jeffersonian in conjunction with the FBI." Sweets speaks first

"Do you know what happened?" He asks

"We were worried about her, she couldn't've been here for more than fifteen, twenty minutes before we got here." I say

"When we got here she was unconscious. She had the cuts and everything was a mess. I went to call 911 and Dr. Saroyan stayed in here trying to minimize the bleeding." Sweets adds.

"I tied off her left arm the best I could and kept pressure on her right arm. These were on the counter when we came in." I say, as Sweets hands him the bottles of pills.

"Do you know if she's been depressed? Could she have done this to herself?"

"Before today I'd have said no, but after today… I'd be shock if it wasn't."

"Thank you for all your guys' help." The paramedic says leaving just seconds behind the others. Leaving us in her empty apartment. It had been maybe forty-five minutes tops since I talked to Dr. Brennan at the Jeffersonian. God how could the world turn so insane in less than an hour.

I should've done something more, said something more, stopped her from leaving, I can't help but think.

Looking at Sweets, I can tell he was thinking the same thing.


	5. Loss

_**If anyone asks,**_  
_**I'll tell them we just grew apart**_  
_**Yeah what do I care**_  
_**If they believe me or not**_  
_**Whenever I feel**_  
_**Your memory is breaking my heart**_  
_**I'll pretend I'm okay with it all**_  
_**Act like there's nothing wrong**_

_**Is it over yet?**_  
_**Can I open my eyes?**_  
_**Is this as hard as it gets?**_  
_**Is this what it feels like to really cry?**_  
_**Cry**_

_**I'm talking in circles**_  
_**I'm lying, they know it**_  
_**Why won't this just all go away**_

* * *

Loss

There wasn't much conversation; we didn't need it to know that we were going to the hospital.

As Sweets drove us to the hospital I tried and fail to get a hold of Booth again.

I have more luck with Max, I only have to try one of his numbers to catch him and as luck would have it, he was already in D.C. and within two minutes he is on his way to the hospital.

Next I try Hodgins hoping he can tell Angela without her having an all out panic attack. I get him on the second ring.

"Dr. Hodgins speaking." He answers.

"Hodgins, it's Brennan…" I pause and take a breath "She's being taken to the hospital." I say hoping my voice doesn't shake.

"Cam, what happened?" He asks, worry seeping into his voice.

I hesitate before speaking clearly, "Suicide. She tried to kill herself."

The line is so quiet I'm not sure if he's still there until "You're sure?" He demands sounding terrified yet his voice never rising.

"Yes, Sweets and I were the ones to find her." I attempt to sound calm but hear a small break in my voice

"This is Dr.B we're talking about, she'd never…are we sure that it wasn't someone out for revenge or…she's not good enough at lying to fool all of us." He says his voice holding an emotion I couldn't quite discern.

"She can lie, we've all seen her do it before, if she doesn't want us to know, she can do so convincingly."

"I just- she said she was fine."

I shake my head despite knowing he can't see.

"No, she hasn't, I don't think she has for quite a while." I state, the guilt, however irrational it may be, washing over me in waves, thinking I should've seen it sooner, should've done something more.

"I'll tell Ange and we'll be there within the half-hour."

"Sounds good." Then another thought strikes me "Have either one of you been able to get a hold of Booth today?" Maybe they know what's up with Booth. "He hasn't answered any of my calls."

"No, remember he said he's gonna take Hannah to that B&amp;B just out of town for the weekend. His phone is probably off." The scientist says, I can almost hear the scowl in his voice.

"Great. So he doesn't answer his phone because he's busy screwing his…" I fume under my breath before sighing. "If he calls one of you guys, tell him what's going on, please."

"Yeah on it. See you there." He responds before hanging up

I stare at the phone for a moment then look at Sweets "How is it that a year ago Booth would've been the first to notice something was wrong before it got even remotely this bad, but now we can't even get him to pick up his damn phone."

"I don't think Agent Booth actually saw what was going on because of him "moving on", he didn't want to see that something was wrong, so he didn't, the mind is a powerful thing. Dr. Brennan is a good actress when she wants to be, I mean, she wouldn't've shown anything but being ok. It's not really in her nature to show weakness to anyone." He states. I can't tell if he's telling me or talking to himself, but I can hear him beating himself up for not seeing this coming and stopping it.

We pull up to the hospital not even a whole minute after he says this. The emergency room is almost empty save for maybe half a dozen people in the 40 or more chairs

We had been at the hospital for maybe five minutes when Max gets there half yelling half demanding of the nurse at the front desk "My daughter, Temperance Brennan, was brought in, what happened, where is she?"

Me and Sweets slowly inch closer trying to hear and ready to intercede if Max does something that may get him kicked out.

"They just took her into surgery." The nurse tells him "A doctor should be out shortly to speak with you."

I look down at at my hands I almost get sick seeing the blood still there. I leave the ex-con to Sweets and excuse myself to the bathroom. I watch as the pink water runs off my hands into the sink. I watch it snake its way to the drain.

I don't realize that I had been staring at it and had frozen, tears streaming down my face, my mind numb, until there is a click of the door opening and a hand on my shoulder. I snap my head up and meet Angela's eyes "Hey." I whisper my voice breaking

"Hey, Sweets said you left ten minutes ago, asked me to check on you." Angela says, voice taut with emotion "You ok?"

"I should be asking you that question." I state wiping the tears from my eyes

"I, um, saw a few of her cuts on her shoulder today, tried to talk to her about it. Just before she left the Jeffersonian, she tells me to let it go, that she's not worth it. Called Sweets because I was more than slightly worried, if it wasn't for him, deciding to check on her, Brennan would be dead." I pause leaning heavily on the sink "How did none of us notice?"

"You know, I've been asking myself that since you called. The only thing that I can think of is she didn't wants us to and we didn't want to, so we didn't." Angela tells me. "But, you and Sweets saved her and, her doctor is supposed to be out soon." She puts her hand out. "You, coming?" I nod and grab her outstretched hand.

As we return to the waiting room the others look up only for a split second before returning to what they were doing before. Angela reclaims the seat by Hodgins resting her head on his shoulder. His face is almost blank but, his eyes betray the shock, guilt and confusion that he is really thinking. How much of a loss he's at, that we all are at.

Sweets is not standing still his eyes moving from one poster on the wall to another and another, his leg is bouncing, his hand is twisting and folding and twisting and unfolding the paper in his hand.

I couldn't help but notice the similarities between Max and Brennan as he paces the length of the waiting room like Dr. Brennan did when Booth was shot, pacing the length of the room, back and forth.

Dr. Foster, Dr. Brennan's doctor, was out talking to Max in under ten minutes

"Mr. Brennan, your daughter was very lucky, if she was found even five minutes later she would've bleed out." I hear a sharp intake of breath behind me and without even looking I knew it was Angela. "We were able to patch up most of the damage but, unfortunately she knew what she was doing. We pumped her stomach and replenished her blood but, she is not out of the woods quite yet. If she makes it through these next 24 hours she should be fine, though there may be some possible long term damage." the doctor says in a calm voice.

"Thank goodness." slips from my lips almost silently but, it seems to be the general consensus of the room.

"Can we see her?" Max asks

"Yes, only two at a time though. She's in room 1485."

"Thank you, doctor." Max says before moving towards the elevator none of us hesitate to follow him

When we get up to the 14th floor Max goes to see his daughter but the rest of us go to the waiting room as we're waiting I try to call Booth again.

Ring

Ring

Voicemail

"Seeley, call me when you get this." Is all I say. Perfect I know he had to 'move on' but did he have to not answer his fucking phone. I scoff out loud but otherwise don't show any indication of my thoughts.

"Booth?" Hodgins asks I nod "Didn't answer?" He more states then asks

I still answer "Yeah, hasn't all night."

"Wonderful." he says sarcastically but before the others can join in the conversation, Max comes out. Sweets and I look toward the others when they look at us almost asking if they should go next, I nod and Sweets motions for them to go.

The three of us left sit in silence as Angela and Hodgins leave. Sweets is still fidgeting and Max is still pacing until Max breaks it.

"You know between you lot and Booth I'm never going to pay all the debts I have for the lives of my children. You guys saved her life." He tells us.

I see Sweets look down suddenly finding his shoes immensely interesting and I feel like a cold hand snaked around my stomach and squeezed it. We didn't notice, we let it get this far, we don't deserve his thanks.

When neither of us answer Max doesn't speak again and we fall back into silence that is only broken when Hodgins and Angela come back to the room, Sweets and I then get up and slowly walk to the room.

I kind of linger in the doorway for a moment I look her over the white sheets replace the red pools of blood that were under her, the gauze covers the huge cuts and the steady beep of the machine is in place of the terrifying silence from the last time we saw her. For what feels like the millionth time that night I thank God she's alive, after tonight I realize just how much of a loss the team is without her. I pray she stays stable and that the loss of her isn't permanent.


	6. Mercy

**_We've been driving down this highway  
Now we're out of gas, too far outta town  
Oh here we are all tangled up and sideways  
You're all broken down, yeah I'm breaking down  
I'm just too selfish I guess  
I know you're tired and restless  
It's no surprise we've come undone  
But I can't unlove you just because  
You say it's better in the long run  
Oh maybe somewhere a little down the line  
I'll get a little better leaving us behind  
Maybe someday, Oh I'll be fine.  
Oh and you'll move on and I will too  
But still I don't see gettin over you_**

* * *

Mercy

Hodgins POV

"Come on, Booth! Answer your fucking phone!" I fume into the phone's voicemail. When Cam and Sweets left I had tried the agent knowing Cam hadn't had any luck earlier, but he hadn't answered me or Max or Ange either. I really hope he is enjoying his weekend because although this going off the grid thing wasn't even the most assholeish move he's pull in the past few months. I had seen first hand, and heard about it from Angela as she ranted off the things Brennan had mentioned to her in passing, I knew if he wasn't avoiding us and Dr. B then he was shoving Hannah and his 'moving on' in her face, it is the worst timing he's had. I knew it was part of what broke her.

How the hell did any of us let it get this far. I get Booth, he didn't want to see what his 'moving on' did to his partner. But the rest of us got a front row seat to her self destruction. Angie mostly shrugged it off thinking it was that her best friend had just realized what she lost, but she still tried to keep worried eye on her. I had seen her pulling away from us and didn't do anything, why the hell didn't I do anything? Why didn't any of us?

I look over at my wife I know her back is killing her, being well into her second trimester. I observe as she almost dozes off then jerks awake. I turn to Max "Tell the others I've taken Angela home, I'll be back in a few." I state getting up and helping my wife up, barely getting a mumbled protest to leaving.

I need to do something to feel useful, when there's trouble at the lab I'm doing something, when I'm home I'm always tinkering with something for our baby. As I pull out of the parking spot I realize one thing I can do, I can attempt to pull Booth's head out of his ass. I drop Angela off and make sure she actually goes to bed before I leave, hoping she'll get at least some rest.

Thankfully there is no traffic as I drive to the Bed and Breakfast. I vaguely remember Booth bragging about how nice it was at the lab earlier this week as luck would have it I had taken Angela there just before we left for our trip to France.

The main area with the lobby is at the head of the parking lot and there are six room on either side of it surrounding the lot. I spot Booth's car almost immediately parked right in front of one. I pull up beside his cwr and walk up to the door and I slowly raise my hand and pound the door three times. I see a sliver of light shine under the door the chain rattles as the door opens to reveal a very annoyed, if slightly confused, Special Agent Seeley Booth.

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Brennan's POV

The first thing I note through the blackness is that I'm laying down on something kind of rough but, not rough like burlap but it wasn't soft like silk either and it was almost definitely fabric.

When I try to open my eyes but my muscles fail, the weight holding them closed. Instead of straining against it, I try to figure out how I got wherever I am. I smell antiseptic and rubber, the Jeffersonian? Maybe. I also hear an annoying beeping sound. So the logical conclusion is I'm in a hospital. Why.

I start thinking and then I remember the last day in flashes. Slicing into my arm and patching myself up. Going to work and hiding in limbo. Cam finding out. Hiding until she came in later trying to help. The alcohol. The pills. The knife gliding across my skin. Blood, pools upon pools of it. Then blackness, but I don't think I'm dead, if I was, my heart wouldn't be pounding in my ears. If booth was right I would feel something, anything but the numbness that has engulfed me this past year. But not being dead begs the question, why, who stopped me?

I think and think but I can't figure out why I'm not, I mean logic tells me someone saved me but, I can't think of anyone who would care. I'm useless, expendable...weak. My thoughts are cut off by a voice I can't tell, through the haze I seem to be in, whether it's male or female let alone who it is but I can narrow it down to who it likely is, more likely than not it's one of my family, I do hear the hurt in their voice, it is one of the few emotions I can pick up easily or at all.

I'm the one hurting them. They weren't supposed to know until I was dead. What did they see that I didn't, that makes me worth getting upset about, caring about me, I'm worthless, replaceable, weak, I've been told and shown many times over the years. By foster families, and strangers, and lovers and most recently by the ones I care about most.

Trying to ignore the dark voice in my thoughts I allow the fog to consume me back into a world of unknowing.

I find it's not as calm as I had hoped for as I'm tossed into a nightmare, so similar to the ones I had nightly until that one finished as I finally cried mercy against the cutting words of my friends and I move to the next.

It is not a dream or even a nightmare but memory.

I'm sixteen again as my foster father is beating down on me until he yanks me by my hair to the trunk of their old car as I repeat a plea of "please don't"s and "I'm sorry"s as the trunk slams shut until two days later when he rips it open and hauls my weak body out and proceeds to take the one thing he hadn't taken till that point. Then taking his knife out and marking me as his. I was too weak then.

Then it suddenly stops and I'm in a dirt cell. The man standing over me isn't of Indonesian descent so this isn't from just seven months ago. The man reaches back to hit me, I raise my hand that he had left untied from the sparse dinner he gave, and block the hit pulling him to the ground. Before I know it he has the upper hand and is punching and kicking me all over. He doesn't have a chance to go further before the police arrive. I was too weak then.

The next memory is from only months ago, my muscles strain to be released from the imaginary chains, I'm too weak to stop the attacks over the month.

Then it all freezes, I feel a hand near my face. I reach up to hit it away and I feel my real hand come into contact with someone else's, the nightmare shatters away. As my eyes bolt open for a moment before I squeeze them shut again from the light right above my head. I feel my chest almost heaving from the ragged breaths I'm taking. I hear the same voice talking to me, the same one that was talking to me in the darkness.

I hear a flick as the light is turned off and I ease my eyes open slowly.


	7. Hatred

**_Put your best face on for the world  
Fake another smile and just pretend  
But you're just puttin' off the pain  
Nothing's ever really gonna change  
3:28 in the morning  
Countin' up the spaces between the rain  
You're gettin' used to the rocks at the bottom  
Your heart goes numb, but the lonely stays the same  
And that's the price you're bound to pay  
And there's really nothing anyone can say  
Oh, there's only just one way  
So let it hurt, let it bleed  
Let it take you right down to your knees  
Let it burn to the worst degree  
May not be what you want, but it's what you need  
Sometimes the only way around it  
Is to let love do it's work  
So go on  
Yeah, let it hurt_**

* * *

Hatred

Booth's POV

I'm jerked awake from a semi-peaceful slumber by a banging. I bolt into a sitting position on the bed looking over to Hannah to find her still asleep. I turn on the lamp beside my bed and get out of bed. I look at the blurry clock 3:38 am, "Who in the name of God's green earth…" I pull on a pair of old army sweats and put on a button up shirt not even bothering to button it up before looking through the peephole to see Hodgins, what the hell is he doing here.

I knew I needed to move on and, despite what the Squints and Sweets think, who they think I should be with, things weren't going to change. She once claimed they they were my squints, she was wrong, they may be more my squints than any of the other FBI agents they worked with previously, but in the end they were her squints. Her squints, her lab, her choice. I gave her a chance, she turned me down. I have Hannah. I needed to move on from her.

I gambled and I lost.

But I've come to the realisation that moving on from her is impossible. The diamond hard and mile high walls she has erected around her heart keeps all those who aren't willing to work out. However, once you get a taste of what's inside you're hooked on one of the strongest addictions I've ever know. You can't walk away and the stronger the addiction the worse the withdrawal.

So I pushed them all away in the hopes I could, not forget, but move on at the very least. And I almost did it, the no contact for seven months almost did that. Then I came back, I was bitter, 7 months and she couldn't pick up a phone, but then I saw the look in her eyes, her actions, heard her explain vaguely that she was just as, if not more, cut off from the others, from me.

She pulled me back in telling me about how the locals weren't happy with the dig. How they sabotaged it in various ways, but after that she said no more, giving no more details than necessary.

I needed to put space between us, save myself before I got pulled back in. I ask her about meeting anyone special. I told her about Hannah. Put all the space I could and then put some between me and her and by extension the squints.

As I pulled the door opened, it revealed how angry Hodgins was… perhaps angry was the wrong word, too minuscule for the hatred in his eyes, I hadn't seen this much hatred directed at me in any of the squints eyes in several years. I was uneasy but I wasn't going to show him that.

"What do you want, Hodgins?" I demand in a voice maybe too harsh, but it's nearing 4 in the morning on a Saturday morning after a impossibly draining week.

"Thought you should know, your partner is in the hospital." He says, with a glare shot in my direction and continues "as you couldn't answer your phone for over six hours..."

I had of course heard my phone ring but had ignored it, Hacker had a specific ring and the others I thought could wait till morning. Grabbing it from the table near the door I look at the missed calls, almost a dozen from Cam starting near nine, half a dozen from Sweets and Hodgins, five from Angela and, even two from Max and nearly as many voicemails and upwards of forty texts all within the last six hours. I also noticed the distinct lack of calls from Bones, "What happened?" I ask, stepping past the threshold out into the brisk October night.

"Dr. B… she tried to kill herself, damn near succeed."

"What?" I ask, she had told me about her past how she had cut previously but she told me she stopped, she told me she was fine. how long ago was that? a voice in my head asks me "When?"

"About ten tonight, thankfully Cam and Sweets found her before…" He says with a look that I can't quite discern

"Can you take me to her?" I ask knowing that I needed to be there if only for myself.

He doesn't say anything just walks to his car, before he gets in and he looks at me. "You coming?" He ask getting in and bringing the engine to life I slip in quietly.

The ride is silent for the first ten minutes "You blame me." I state breaking the ringing silence.

"Damn right I blame you, Booth. You left."

What the hell was he talking about I had told him and Angela what happened a few weeks before we left

"I asked her to give me a chance, she turned me down." I remind him "She chose to leave first. She didn't contact me for seven months."

He pulls over to the side of the road "You asked the person who you of all people know does not gamble on anything to make a split decision on whether to be involved with you, love you. When she couldn't make that quick decision you told her you needed to find someone who could love didn't even give her time. She got the offer first, she was going to talk to you, you told her you were leaving before she could even talk to you, like partners do. You, came back with your serious-as-a-heart-attack girlfriend, Desert Storm Barbie, 7 months after telling her you love her." He says in an eerily calm voice never breaking away from my eye contact "So, though it may not be entirely your fault, hell it's all our faults, you have a pretty big chunk of the blame." He pulls back out into the nearest lane. The rest of the drive to the hospital is covered in thick silence.

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The thoughts from the dream swirl through my head mixing with my real thoughts. In the end fact mixes with fiction until my normally rational mind can't distinguish between the two. I feel my heart race and I'm hot, sweating ..._**they know, they'll hate you they're going to leave you just like everyone else**_... a voice says, the world spins as my breath goes shallow, I'm hyperventilating, I can't slow my breath, too much oxygen causing the same result as having too little, I hear a different voice "...Dr. Brennan, you're okay..." This one doesn't sound like it's in my head.

In a split second of clarity I realize I'm having a panic attack, I had them before, I knew I needed to ground myself, but I didn't have my keys to hold, to prove I'm safe, I move towards the wall putting my back against it, I hear the monitor beeping. I put my head against my knees.

I look up at a soft touch to my hand and meet Cam's eyes "Brennan, What's wrong?"

"They- you- can't know. They'll hate me- lying. They'll leave... didn't mean to hurt them. I swear- I didn't... I'm sorry… hurt… sorry.… I'm sorry- I hurt them" I can hardly get a full sentence out

"Dr. Brennan, you need to slow down your breathing, they're going to have to sedate you if you can't."

"I-I can't." I force out.

She pauses before grabbing my hand lightly, "Here, copy me." She pulls in her breath for one, two seconds the releases repeating until I've slowed my breathing, "No one is going to leave you. No one is mad or wants you to apologize." She says looking at me as I start to see the world clearly, no longer in tunnel vision. "You're going to be okay."

I'm fine, I'm safe.

What did he tell me last time, distract myself, that's it. _Hydrogen, Helium, Lithium, Beryllium, Boron, Carbon…_, I start listing off the elements, trying to distract my mind _…Nitrogen, Oxygen, Fluorine, Neon, Sodium, Magnesium, Aluminum, Silicon, Phosphorus..._, my breathing slows I feel myself come out of it. I hear a nurse come into the room, sounding slightly worried, out of the corner of my eyes I see Sweets, just stepping inside the room

"Miss Brennan,"

"Doctor." Sweets and Cam both correct absentmindedly, neither of them looking away from me. "She's a doctor." Sweets continues.

"Okay, Dr. Brennan, all your monitors spiked, are you okay? You seem to have pulled your IVs out." The nurse says, grabbing the needles laying by the bed. I feel my entire body tense when she grabs my arm I know I'm not completely out of the panic attack I try not to struggle to get my arm free. Sweets or Cam must have noticed because someone makes a noise and she lets go.

I hear footsteps and a new voice tells the nurse, "Sedate her." The nurse nods and puts something in my reinserted IV a tunnel of grey clouds my vision until blackness fills it completely.

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Sweets POV

"Has this ever happened before?" asks the doctor when Dr. Brennan is sedated

"Not that I'm aware of." I answer as Cam shakes her head

"Aren't you her psychologist?" He half demands half accuses.

"Dr. Brennan's foster care file is closed, even to me, most of her digs outside the country are also highly classified and, she doesn't put much stock in psychology. As I am her colleague she thinks if she tells me too much about her past I'll think of her as weak. So, though I am her psychologist I have no knowledge as to whether or not she has previously had panic attacks. She just got back from a dig in Maluku, Indonesia. If I were you I would check with the medical doctor there." I keep my voice mostly calm but, the doctors words are correct. How could I not know that she was depressed and if she had previously had panic attacks, I see her at least once a day. So much for being a trained psychologist. How could she have kept this hidden from us? And what else was she hiding?


	8. Lies

_**When the weight of the world  
Breaks down so strong it  
Leaves footprints on the street  
And theres too many miles to face  
Without a few more hours sleep  
The storm clouds overhead won't shed  
Any rain to quench your thirst  
I wanna be the one you reach for first  
When your faith is stretched so thin  
That you can see right through your soul  
And you cant find a nickel to buy a smile cuz all ur pockets all got holes  
You wanna shut the door and  
Hide before the day can get much worse  
I wanna be the one you reach for first  
Fall into me  
My arms are opened wide  
And you dont have to say a word  
Cuz I already see  
That it's hard  
And you're scared  
And you're tired  
And it hurts  
And I wanna be the one you reach for first  
I wanna be the bottle you've been drinkin with your eyes  
Or the road you run away on  
You've been runnin all your life  
The third row pew that you last knew  
As a child in church  
I wanna be the one you reach for first**_

* * *

Lies

Brennan's POV

I hadn't meant to take it this far, if I were to be honest with myself, which I pride myself on being, I should've told one of them, not Booth, as soon as I even felt the urge to cut again, before we left or anything else. I knew from past experience how fast one scratch can turn into one cut and that one cut turns into a rope.

I had lived it before, it had reached it's peak three months after I aged out of the system, I had held the gun all night, held the cold steel of the weapon to my head for almost five minutes before I put it down, my roommate came back to the dorm when I still had it laying limp by my side. She reminded me I had a lot of people to prove wrong, stayed up with me she was right.

My parents.

Russ.

The foster dad who beat me daily.

The kids at school.

My teachers.

My old social worker.

The system.

Statistics.

I took it to heart, stopped completely three years after that. I finished my undergraduate degree and went on to get my multiple doctorates. I know I proved at least the last one wrong.

I made it through Michael's leaving without doing a single cut. I didn't give into the temptation after getting kidnaped and tortured in El Salvador.

I hit ten years of no cutting.

I didn't cut when I found my mother or when Cam was placed in over my head. One of the hard moments was the weeks after Hodgins and I had a run in with the gravedigger, between that and my father, and someone I dated murdering his brother and, of course, Epps.

The hardest time was when my dad was on trial then, Booth was shot and Zack's subsequent betrayal. I didn't when Booth was kidnapped by the Gravedigger.

I didn't cut when I relived my past for Sweets sake. Through Booth's coma I didn't cut or even think about it too much.

I hit fifteen years.

Then I hurt Booth. After that I cut once; Fifteen years, eight months and 19 days after the last one.

He assumed I was leaving, he had that little faith in me.

Five cuts.

I did leave.

Eight cuts.

Three months later, I put myself between the angry locals and my team on the dig, got myself kidnaped, the tortured me in every way they could think of for one month. I still feel the warm steel of the gun as it went off, aimed at the men.

Ten cuts, for being weak.

Another eleven for how many lives I took that month.

I couldn't let the others know, I couldn't have them look at me and see pity in their eyes. So I worried them, and I took whatever blame they wanted to throw my way, the team breaking up, the fact that Booth and I aren't together, getting personally involved in a case. I took it all until I couldn't. There were moments when I almost broke, told one of them, when I told Angela I dreamed of Booth, about the cases we do. I tried not to take her comment to heart, she didn't need to know what was happening when I was awake, how much I craved the cases because that meant I was safe, here in DC.

When Cam had blamed me for the team breaking up, I hid the hurt behind my walls, she didn't want to know how much I wish I hadn't left.

When Booth not so quietly blames me for our lack of contact, I bite back the scream in my throat, he didn't know I was in a dirt cell for almost a month or in the hospital for another one and a half.

They didn't know. They didn't need to. I hear a few words from someone in the room.

"Booth…fault… love… him." I almost laughed, they would think that it was Booth turning me down that lead to this, they didn't know that this had been coming since just after my parents abandoned me. I care for Booth as I do Russ, not more or in a different way, I just had my world turned upside down for three days. I adjusted, or I thought I did.

I should've done it somewhere no one would look for me. I shouldn't have done it according to the vague plan I have had for months now. I shouldn't've done it after a fight with one of them, I should've postponed it a few days. I knew they would blame themselves, but I never wanted any one of them to feel specifically guilty, it was my choice. I hear voices again but this time it sounded like arguing I can't hear much. I force my eyes open to see Booth and Cam fighting or at least that's what it looked like. Booth's hand was clenching and unclenching beside him and Cam's entire body was tense but, oddly they weren't yelling they made all the motions hand and body wise that I would associate with yelling. At best it was as loud as there normal talking voice maybe quieter. The logical conclusion was they thought I was still unconscious. What are they arguing about?

"…fault… told … truth… partner…Hannah... fault… one… everyday yet none…saw… wrong… just… much… blame..." Booth says.

"Seeley… your fault… left,… proved her right… everyone… leaves. she… stop… rest… we wouldn't leave…left…" I hear from Cam missing at least half the sentence.

"…none…notice… pushing… away? Aren't… brilliant… could… something… wrong?"

I don't need to the hear everything to get a general idea, their playing the blame sport and by the look on Cam's face Booth may have just won.

"… right… didn't… on us… you were… abandoned… Abandoned us" She demands

"I… Hannah…."

"…girlfriend… abandon… partner… years?" Cam asks, on second thought, it looks like Cam won.

They're both silent for a moment then Booth turns and leaves the room, great now I'm more confused what were they fighting about.

Booth's POV

When we get to the correct floor of the hospital Hodgins parts with one more glare shot my way before he moves to the waiting room. I don't waste time and walk to the room Hodgins told me she was in and I slowed only slightly when I got near the door. When I get there Sweets almost immediately notices me and stands, he gives me a look I haven't seen before when he gets right beside me he pulls me out to the hallway.

"You need to choose, all in or walk away and, let her go. No more of this half in half out crap you have going on." He says

"I have Hannah, I have let her go." I tell him.

"That's bullcrap, Booth, if you're gonna let her go then actually do it." He says leaving.

He blames me too, great. Maybe he doesn't blame me as much as Hodgins and probably Angela, but still I'm not completely at fault. I may not know Bones as well as I once did, but I do know it would take more than just me to push her to this point.

I slowly walk into the room and see Cam sitting in a chair right in view of the door. It's odd, I would think Sweets would stay in here between the two, I look at my friend of over fifteen years, I have seen her like this maybe five times or so in all my time of knowing her. Most of them between the time her mom was diagnosed with cancer and her funeral. I wonder why she seems like this now, if I recall correctly her and Bones aren't close, out of all the Squints she is closest to me and farthest from Bones. She seems more shaken by this then Hodgins was, and he always has been on Bones's side.

I look my old friend over again and am surprised to see blood along her nails. I can't figure out why then I vaguely remember Hodgins mentioning that Cam and Sweets found her, that they were worried and they went to check on her. One question keeps going through my mind "Why didn't they call me?" Her eyes snap up to me. Did I really just say that out loud?

The look she gives me says that I did and stands up, "We tried to call you, over and over, you didn't answer."

I wince at the comment then say. "Why are you all so mad at me. It's not like I'm the one who caused her to do it."

She scoffs and rolls her eyes, "No, it's not, but you do have a portion of the fault in it."

"This is my fault? I told her the truth, she's my partner, that's it, that's what she chose, I have Hannah now. How's that my fault? I'm not the one who sees her everyday, that's you lot, yet none of you saw something was wrong, you guys are just as much to blame as me."

God, why am I always the one to blame, all I did was move on, was I supposed to stay and make myself miserable? I ignore the voice in my head telling me she didn't move on from me, she stayed and made herself miserable.

"Seeley, some of it is your fault, you left, you proved her right, that everyone eventually leaves. Of course she would try to stop the rest of us, so we wouldn't leave." In a perfectly calm voice only ridding slightly

"Then why did none of you notice she was pushing you away? Aren't you guys supposed to be brilliant? How could you not see something was wrong?" I see her face change and I knew I had just driven into dangerous territory.

"You're right, we didn't, that's on us, but you were the one who abandoned her, abandoned us." She almost yells or growls.

"I have Hannah now." Wow strong argument Booth real strong one.

"Your new girlfriend means you abandon your partner of how many years?" Cam asks.

I do an about-face and leave the room, I can't help but think about the last things we said, I have Hannah, like she's an obligation, not I love Hannah was Cam right? Did I abandon her?

Cam's POV

When Booth leaves the room I can't help but wonder why I didn't, out of all of us Brennan would probably want to see Booth or Angela, not me or Sweets or even her dad. Then why did she not tense when I touched her, a little voice in my head points out she trusts me more then a nurse. Why did Sweets leave then, if it's just about trust, she trusts him, plus he's the one who was trained for that kinda stuff.

I slowly move away from the end of the bed and fall into the chair I was in previous to the fight. Why was I on Brennan's side in this whole love triangle, if it is even a love triangle anymore maybe Brennan did move on.. But who the fuck knew we had all let her push us away, hell if we didn't notice this then how much more could she have hid from us?

I look over back at Brennan and almost jump out of my skin as I see Brennan's eyes open. "Hey," I say looking at her, "Thank God, you're awake." I press the button to call the nurse "Booth just left." I say not mentioning the fight me and him had prior to that.

"I saw." Her voice crackles from lack of use

"Brennan, are you okay?" Wow stupid question Cam, now try to back out of that one "I mean…" I'm cut off by her answering.

"Cam, I'm fine."

"Okay, now how about you tell me the truth."

She's stopped from answering by a nurse coming into the room "Oh Dr. Brennan, you're awake, we didn't expect you to wake up until late this morning." She says in a way that reminds me strongly of Daisy, she flutters around and takes her vitals

When she pushes Dr. Brennan's sleeve up to check her wounds and I am shocked at the number of old scars and fairly new cuts there are just along the area that was revealed. I had seen only a small portion of these before and it's like a punch in the gut to see how much we truly failed her. When she finishes taking off the bandage I see how deep she truly cut, she damn near hit bone. But I don't need to see that to know how deep she cut, I still feel the warm blood seep through my fingers as I try to make it stop.

Standing up I speak "I'll, um, go tell the others that you're awake." slowly moving toward the edge of the room I look toward Brennan to see if she's okay with me leaving when she nods I turn down the hallway to the waiting room.


	9. Nightmare

_**It's like a storm  
**_

_**That cuts a path  
It breaks your will  
It feels like that  
You think you're lost  
But you're not lost on your own  
you're not alone  
I will stand by you  
I will help you through  
When you've done all you can do  
If you can't cope  
I will dry your eyes  
I will fight your fight  
I will hold you tight  
And I won't let go  
It hurts my heart  
To see you cry  
I know it's dark  
This part of life  
Oh it finds us all  
And we're too small  
To stop the rain  
Oh but when it rains**_

* * *

Nightmare

Cam's POV

As I'm walking toward the waiting room I notice that our group is the only one still there, pulling out my phone I see that the time is just after five. Why didn't they kick me or Sweets or any of us out of the room? It was well past visiting hours end. I decide to ask the doctor later, maybe, but I don't really want to push it. As I get closer I see that though our group is still here Booth isn't, Did he even come here after he left? I try and shove it out of my head, telling myself I'll ask Hodgins or Sweets when her ex-con father wasn't in the room. "She's awake." I tell them "Her doctor should be out here to talk to us soon."

The Doctor comes out not two minutes after I finish the sentence he starts to talk to Max most directly but the rest of us are listening "Mr. Keenan, your daughter is awake and responsive."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"You can go in and see her but, only for a few minutes each, she needs her rest."

"Okay, thank you." Max says, slowly makes his way to her room

As soon as he's out of earshot I speak, "Hodgins, can I talk to you for a moment?" I motion toward the corner of the room he nods and follows, "Where is Angela."

"Took her home about three hours ago, she needed actual rest. She'll probably be back in about an hour or two."

"Booth? Did he come here after he left the room."

"He left? I thought he was still with Dr. B, he looked pretty guilty when I told him what happened." He says slightly shocked, but not sounding fully surprised, a part of him was expecting Booth to leave.

"It's my fault, we got in a argument, he left." I reveal

"O…Kay, Cam, you argued, not all that surprising that you did, but he's the one who left, that is not your fault."

I hesitate then switch gears, "None of us are going to work Monday, are we?" Knowing as the 'boss' I could force them to, but also knowing no work is going to actually done in the lab for awhile.

"Well Dr. B is not leaving here, Ange isn't leaving her side if she can help it. We're her family, even if she does have her blood family back, she still thinks they're going to leave, so I'm not gonna leave if I can help it." He does a kinda half laugh "So, no I don't believe we're going to work anytime soon, but you know, that's technically up to you."

"Yeah, I figured you would say something similar to that." I say with a half smile.

"I'll go in and write up the paperwork for the next three work days, and put Dr. Brennan on a sick leave, for at least today, until any of us know the next few steps." He nods and moves back over to talk to Sweets, I move toward the elevator clicking the button, maybe slightly too hard, and slide in.

When I finally get to the Jeffersonian, I had to walk there because I had gotten a ride from Sweets last night, it's nearing the time for most the employees of the Jeffersonian to get to work if it was a weekday. Several of them are at work despite the fact they don't need to, they're passionate about their work, they had to otherwise they wouldn't be working at one of the most prestigious museums in the world. It's that work ethic that made it hard to explain why three people from one department would, with not even a twenty-four hour warning, take a day if not two or three days, off. Add that to me putting Brennan on her never used sick days for an undetermined length of time and I knew the board would eventually ask questions, probably sooner than I'd like.

I nearly run into Wendell on my way out of my office "Wendell, what are you doing in so early on a Saturday?" I ask, knowing that Brennan hadn't given any work that should've taken more than a work day.

"I'm looking for Dr. Brennan, she's usually here on Saturdays." The intern tells me still half looking for his teacher

"Wendell, can you come into my office, please?" I ask, motioning from the direction I had come from.

I barely have time to close the door before he starts talking "Something happened to Dr. Brennan, didn't it? She hasn't been acting okay, even before she left, but it was even worse after she came back." He says in one quick breath.

I bite my lip, how does the intern who sees her less than one week a month notice something's wrong with her, but those of us who consider ourselves her friends and see her everyday not see anything.

"Yes, Wendell, something did happen to Dr. Brennan, there was a bit of an… incident last night, she's in the hospital," I try not to tell him about why she's there, that much should be up to her.

"She did it to herself, didn't she?" He says when I look at him shocked he shrugs. "Some of the people in my old neighborhood would look like that right before they tried. I had tried to talk to her a few weeks ago, didn't do much I guess."

"Wendell, it's not your fault."

"Dr. Saroyan, when all us interns got back, Daisy mentioned that something happened in Maluku, to Dr. Brennan, she didn't go into details but she said it was really bad."

I don't answer, just nod slowly, a rock sinking in my stomach.

Brennan's POV

When my Dad comes into my room, it's… awkward for lack of a better word, it's like he's trying way to hard, I already feel smothered.

Hodgins comes in next, after a few not so good beginnings we get into a comfortable, familiar, balance of professional worry and friendship. He didn't tell me he was as worried for me and I knew he was truthful. I didn't explain in every detail why I had taken the actions I had, and he was okay with just general facts for now.

Sweets is the hardest one, we didn't talk much but he looked even younger and more confused than he ever did.

Angela just cried, I held her and promised I wouldn't do it again. Maybe I shouldn't have told her that, I can't make promises that I won't, I'll do my best for this not to happen again.

I don't know why I'm disappointed not to see Cam, I had already seen her. I also didn't know why I wasn't completely disappointed to not see Booth. Trying to ignore both these thoughts, I don't notice my eyes start to get heavy until I'm asleep.

This nightmare is worse than the others, it blurs and bleeds between reality and fiction

I'm once again hanging by the chains digging into my wrists, another set pulling my entire body down trying to stretch me apart-reality

But it's not in a dirt cell in Maluku, it's the Jeffersonian Medico/Legal Lab- fiction

I feel the pain as the metal pole hits my chest and stomach over and over- reality

But the few times I look up at my 'captor' it's Booth or Angela or Hodgins or Cam- fiction

I struggle against the restraints even if this is a dream it hurts; I yank and pull at my wrists until they bleed- reality

I'm shocked awake when I feel a hand on my arm. My body spasms, my hand flies over to the hand that's still by my body grasping the wrist hard as I flip my body over. Heart still pounding, my breath ragged, I'm surprised to see that my hand is grabbing Cam's wrist. I release almost automatically.

I know when I am waking up from my nightmares that it isn't smart for other people to be in the room, once in a blue moon I would do so calmly but other wise I have been told it's terrifying, and the various injuries show it's dangerous. The sight of her purpling wrist and upon slightly closer inspection I see another one forming along her jaw, I did this. I think knowing that it had to have been me.

Her eyes though never wavering their concern, they don't show fear or anger, "Do you want to tell me what happened?" She asks quietly, still looking at me. Why wasn't she leaving? Doesn't she see that being friends with me, caring about me is dangerous? I shake my head not yet trusting myself to speak "Okay." She agrees

Maybe I should tell her, but then they'll all leave, she's not leaving now and whatever she thinks happened is probably worse than what actually happened. "Do you actually want to know?" I ask after a moment of silence.

"If you want to tell me, I'd like to. If you don't, I won't push." Is her response.

I think for a moment, she was giving me the perfect way to not talk about this. However, the bruise along her jaw reminds me why she deserves to know at least the basics. The bandages on my arm remind me than they haven't left yet, even though they've seen some of the worst stuff I had kept hidden from them, taking a deep breath I nod and begin telling her what had happened in Maluku.

I really hope they don't leave.


	10. Letters

_**Let's say we're sorry before it's too late  
Give forgiveness a chance  
Turn anger into water  
Let it slip through our hands  
We all bleed red, we all taste rain  
All fall down, lose our way  
We all say words we regret  
We all cry tears, we all bleed red  
If we're fighting, we're both losing  
We're just wasting our time  
Because my scars, they're your scars  
And your world is mine  
You and I  
We all bleed red, we all taste rain  
All fall down, lose our way  
We all say words we regret  
We all cry tears, we all bleed red  
Sometimes we're strong, sometimes we're weak  
Sometimes we're hurt, and it cuts deep  
We live this life breath to breath**_

* * *

Letters

Brennan's POV

I hesitate for a moment more, trying to figure out the best place to start, I figure that it's best to start at the beginning. I take a deep breath then start "We had known the locals weren't all that happy with us being there, and looking where we were, but the government had offered protection." I scoff, "I think we all knew it wasn't going to do much good when they decide to work together to stop us. The first three months there were… minor occurrences, slashed tires minor tools broken, one time they shot in an empty tent, had they have tried half an hour before or after it would've had a dozen or more people in it, all of them were scare tactics, they worked on a few people, but not with most."

"Then they began to get a bit more…serious. They started messing with our cars when we were out of the main camp, cutting brake lines to the cars, placing poisonous snakes in them, explosions rigged to go off when we hit bumps in the road, that worked on even more people, but not the investors or any of the leaders of the dig."

"I got a gun, kept it on me at all times, I knew that logically it wouldn't do me much good when they tried to attack us, but I knew if others were with me, they had a better chance of escaping." I pause, debating how much detail to tell her.

"About two and a half months after I got there, a team of five of us was going to dig site seven, the furthest away from base camp, this was a month or so after the tent, we believe that they had wanted to shoot us or kill us, it was poor planning on their part that saved us. So when we heard them around the dig site in the forest, we decide it's better to cut our losses for the day and leave, we later found out they sent two guerrillas of six people. But we got to the Jeep, they had cut the gas and brake line, we couldn't get the jeep to move, we couldn't leave the dig site without the protection it gave us, it was too long a walk, too dangerous, the security guard couldn't protect all of us. I told him and three of the others to run to dig site six, which was no more than half a mile away or 15 minutes walking slowly. When they left I took out my gun, ready for to protect me and the other doctor, Dr. Makayla Kelly, Mak, everybody called her Mak, out of the University of Sydney, I told her to leave with the others, but both of us had been on too many digs to believe this was going to end well."

I pause, taking a deep breath, Mak had been… more than a friend or a colleague, about 90% of the digs I have ever been on, she had been on for a for at least part of it, we had met when we had both been in Guatemala, identifying victims of genocide. It was both of our first digs, just over six weeks, not long by either of our standards now, but to a couple of 23-year-olds, having never left our countries for more than two or three weeks, being told to bunk with people whom a lot of times you would never been to their country let alone knew them, it felt a lot longer. She had she had come up to me during lunch, I had thought she was crazy, people didn't come up to me to talk, everyone avoided me, even amongst my peers I was a social pariah. The irony was the same people who avoided me, ignored me then, now asked for my help, but this person who I had maybe said a handful of words to over the week broke that mold and came up to me, it was baffling, before either of us knew it it was the end of the dig, we promise to keep in touch, exchanging phone numbers before we both left. We have both been looking forward to the fact that we were both going on the Maluku dig, for the full year the longest we ever seen each other at one time." I look up at Cam, she seems to know where this story is going, makes sense, these kinds of things are usually spread throughout the universities and museums who sent people on the dig.

"She shouldn't have stayed, I told her to leave, she wouldn't listen. They came out of the forest, quick but not very well timed, I shot the first two, they died, I hit the second two, they fell, but that didn't stop them and others from opening fire, they got me in the leg, but otherwise missed me. They hit the Jeep maybe a dozen or so times, but they hit Mak four times. Twice she got hit between her second and third ribs and twice more in her abdomen, I tried to stop the blood, but there was just too much, I couldn't, she bleed out within a minute."

"God, Brennan, she was…" Cam starts, but I know if I stop I won't be able to continue.

I cut her off, "Yeah, she was a friend, we met years ago. That's probably the only reason she didn't listen when I told her to leave. We both knew it would be a fight, and it wasn't a good idea at all… why would she do that? Why wouldn't she listen?" I ask, not really wanting an answer. I take a breath, symbolizing that it was only going to get worse from here.

"I put the final four shots into the two who shot her, killed them. Then I was quiet, I wasn't going to move if I could help it. I remember trying to catch my breath, kneeling in the blood, my leg was throbbing the bullet didn't hit the femur or the femoral vein or artery, but it hurt, and I couldn't put any weight on it."

"They weren't going to move in until they were sure I wasn't going to be able to shoot them. It was silent for quite a while, maybe five minutes, I was hoping we could stay at a standstill until the others came back, I could hear the jeep, it couldn't have been more than a quarter-mile away or minutes drive. We all knew they were getting close, that if they got here before the locals got me, I would have the upper hand. They must've decided to risk it, the last four people they had around the site all came out, this time they timed it so they all came out nearly simultaneously. They shot the other two I had wounded, then they came to grab me, I fought,"

I realize that I was actually crying for the first time in front of someone since I was turned down by Booth, that was a moronic move on my part. I can't pretend with Booth, I can't forget with Booth. I quickly reach up to wipe them away, but Cam's hand grips mine and squeezes in reassurance, maybe? Telling me I'm okay to cry? Didn't she know this was a sign of weakness, that I couldn't let them see me weak? But the look she's giving me, tells me not to fight on this topic. I attempt to ignore these thoughts as I continue.

"I fought hard, but there were too many. My leg… I couldn't support my weight, I fell down, they yanked me up, breaking my wrist. They told me that I was to call off the dig, force everyone to leave, I lied, I told him it wasn't in my power, hoping I could buy some more time for the others to get there, they took too long. The locals were ready, they had a Plan B, I think they figured if I couldn't or wouldn't call it off myself, maybe one dead doctor, and another one kidnapped added to that, would be enough to call it off.

They took me to a village of their own, maybe 3 miles away at most. They end up dragging me mostly, I couldn't put much weight on my leg. I couldn't really fight much, they had tied my arm together and without my leg I knew I had no chance.

They shoved me into a dirt cell just inside one of the buildings, they left me down there for quite a while. When they came back they cut my shirt off, yanked my pants off, they took a set of chains and tightened it onto my arms before pulling on the other end. Then when I was about two or three inches off the ground, they took two chains attached to the floor and hooked them to my feet, pulling any slack it had out. They tied a blindfold over my face, cutting off what little bit I could see. I heard them move away, then nothing until I felt a searing pain in my back, he took a knife and carved along my back. It was so much more painful than the worst cuts I've done to myself. He carved mine into the small of my back. He marked me as his, I didn't scream, I wouldn't give them that, but I wanted to. Then it got really quiet, he took a pipe filled with cement, whacked me right over where he cut. He hit me over and over, demanding I call off the dig, leave, I felt my ribs cracking, but I still told him no, that I wouldn't. Him and his friends tried everything to get me to break, whips, cattle prods, strangling me until I passed out, stress positions, dunking me in ice water, they…um, raped me a few times when the other stuff wouldn't work,"

I break off, should I tell her about the dreams, how the few times they'd let me sleep all I'd dream about was being back here, safe, solving murders with Booth. Sometimes just everything we all did together, meals in the diner, drinks at the founding fathers, the holidays we all spent together. Inevitably the thought of whether the team was going to leave and let me die alone came up again.

"I wouldn't let it work, I got lucky, one time, about a month after the shooting at the dig site, the person had his guard down enough that I was able to steal his gun. I killed him and then shot and killed six others while I was escaping, I killed seven people that day, eleven in total."

Before I had been able to mostly ignore this but now I couldn't breath as I look up, Cam's hand doesn't loosen its grip like I expected it to. "You, did what most others wouldn't've done, and you got out alive, that's good, despite what you may think it's really, really good." She tells me.

Why doesn't she get that I'm no better than the murderers we put away, I could've shot them in the leg or arm, somewhere non-lethal. I chose to shoot to kill, it was my choice to kill them.

I debate whether or not to tell her this but figure it's better to just finish, let her think I'm a little better than I actually am. I know logically it will only work so much, after all now they know I'm broken.

"l ran and ran when I got out of the area, I ignored the pain in my ribs, the other doctors heard me just outside site 6. I had finally passed out from the pain about ten feet outside the site, when I woke up, I was on a helicopter to Darwin, they couldn't do much at the local hospital. I was apparently unconscious for five days. I had a fever from an infection that took a little too long to clear well enough that they could move me. I hadn't put anyone under next-of-kin when I left for the dig, figured it was better not to worry anyone if I could help it, wasn't worth it, so the other leader of the dig was the one who made all the choices when I was unconscious."

She opens her mouth to argue that I should have.

I cut her off before she can begin. "I was in the hospital for a month and a half before they released me. I went back to the dig, mostly so you guys would never know, you didn't need to. 10 days after I got back to Maluku, Caroline calls me, she tells me you need help, all of us need to come home, and what happened was just another thing to keep from you guys. I told Daisy when we came home not to tell Sweets or anyone, she promised me that she wouldn't. We came back, and you can figure out the rest." I look down at my hands, waiting for her to realize how broken I am and leave.

Cam's POV

After Brennan tells me what happened in the seven months she was gone I'm not quite sure who I'm more angry at, the monsters who tortured her or all of us who saw her nearly everyday and didn't think anything was wrong.

I remove my hand from hers. er eyes shoot up and lock with mine, she was panicking, she probably thought I was leaving. She looks genuinely surprised when my thumb reaches up and I wipe away the tears she has streaming down her face, "I'm sorry to say, Dr. Brennan, but your logic is false, none of us would've left if you had told us, we'd have been there as soon as we of us are going to leave now, I don't think you're broken or a murderer, and the others won't either." I tell her truthfully, my hand moving back down, fingers interlinking with hers as she slowly drifts off to sleep. Unlike last time, and maybe it is my imagination, but her face looked a little calmer.


	11. Cold

_**You and I walk a fragile line  
I have known it all this time  
But I never thought I'd live to see it break  
It's getting dark and it's all too quiet  
And I can't trust anything now  
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake  
Oh, I'm holding my breath  
Won't lose you again  
Something's made your eyes go cold  
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this  
I thought I had you figured out  
Something's gone terribly wrong  
You're all I wanted  
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this  
I thought I had you figured out  
Can't breathe whenever you're gone  
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted  
Stood there and watched you walk away  
From everything we had  
But I still mean every word I said to you  
He will try to take away my pain  
And he just might make me smile  
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead**_

* * *

Cold

My lip is nearly bleeding from me biting it, as I'm attempting to think what to do next, but all I can think about is what Brennan told me. My first thought was why hadn't she told us? then it was why didn't we ask if anything was bothering her? Followed by is there something more that she doesn't want any of us to know? Finally stopping on how can we all be such crappy friends? but she didn't see it that way, she kept on saying how she wasn't worth it, how she was broken, that she was to blame. If the way she was talking was any indication I'd say she didn't blame us even in the slightest, that she thought she was completely to blame. She thought we'd pity her if we even stayed around. I knew why she thought it was logical, since she was fifteen no one close to her stayed, no one fought for her, logically speaking why would we? When Booth, of all people, proved that no one was going to fight for her, that people were just going to leave, she pushed us away. But we were all so wrapped up in our own lives that we didn't see, that she was pushing us away, that she was hurting. Hell, she still is. I'm hesitant to get up to leave to talk to the others, but I see Angela coming in.

"How is she?" She asks.

"Physically? She'll be fine within a week, max, but mentally? She has a heck of a lot more going through her brain then we thought, not much of it good."

"Has she talked to you?"

I pause before lying. "No, she hasn't talked to me." Not planning on telling any of them what Brennan told me without her express permission.

"What happened to your jaw?" Her fingers lightly tracing the bruise.

I hesitate before telling her "She had a pretty bad nightmare, her hand hit me when I was trying to wake her." I shrug, "It's no big deal."

She gives me a nod before sitting down.

I slowly walk out of the room to the waiting room. I see Sweets up ahead of me. "Sweets," I half yell, running to catch up with him when he stops ahead of me. I pull him to the side of the hall allowing for quasi-privacy. "Have you tried talking to her since she woke up?"

He shakes his head saying "I haven't been able to, yet. Everyone else has been in and out. I figured I'd let it slow down before I went in to talk to her."

"Okay, has Booth been around?"

"No, I thought you didn't want him around her until he shaped up."

"I don't particularly but, when it comes down to it, Brennan probably will, they were close. She still trusts him… I think."

I see the shrink thinking for a moment or two until, "Okay. I'm still not sure this is the best option for her, let alone springing it on her, but I'll go find Booth, I think I may know where he is." He says walking toward the elevator. When he's well out of sight I push my hand through my hair trying to think. What the hell should I do?

Sweets POV

I don't know why I came here, but I had already tried the hospital gym, the Jeffersonian, the diner, and the Founding Fathers. I knew he had a key to here and it was close enough to the hospital to walk. I carefully take the handle turning it and am surprise, though not entirely shocked, when it opens. My first few steps and I'm assaulted by an irony, humid scent. Blood. A few more steps in and it almost starts to smell sweet, mixed with the iron. When I get to the living room I can taste it on the air, almost making me gag. I knew some of the bodies I had encountered at the Jeffersonian were much worse than this, but I was very rarely at a place where the blood pooled and was allowed to dry. Hell, I almost never knew the person who the blood had come from, let alone been there when they were nearly dying. Looking away from the living room I turn towards the kitchen, and see the agent leaning against the counter reading a single sheet of paper. I had seen it on the table in the living room the night before but hadn't thought much of it, but looking at the agents face I can tell it's a pretty big deal. Taking a few tentative steps towards him I softly say "Booth?"

"Her suicide note." Is all he says hardening his face to show no emotion. "I know I probably shouldn't read it considering she's not dead."

"Why'd you leave the hospital?" I say inching closer, a note is a very good way to tell if she was completely serious about ending her life and what she thought about ending it. I'm not sure which way I want it to land, her feeling like she could without hurting anyone, just disappear or her knowing it would hurt those of us who care about her and doing it anyway. He does a kind of shrug then sighs but doesn't answer.

"Dammit Booth, if you're not going to go to your partner in the hospital, call and tell her that, she deserves at least that much." I say losing my temper with the agent.

"I'll go tell her, but I'm not going to tell her over the phone." He says putting the note down and walking out the door.

Great now what have I done. First I help put the first nail in the coffin of their partnership, then I told Booth that Brennan was leaving because I was angry. Now I may have just handed him the final nail, some shrink, some friend, I am.

Brennan's POV

This time the dream's not as life like, the voices are slightly garbled and warped to an extent, the colors aren't as vivid, this time I can distinguish between dreams and reality until the next one in the sequence comes up. I fight the chains binding me but then I hear a voice that's not in the dream.

"Hey, you're okay, sweetie, you're okay." Angela. I hear the panic in her voice, but at the same time she attempts to force it to be steady.

I jerk awake almost panicking, but I force my breath to calm to a reasonable speed.I watch her for a moment then say "I scared you." I say looking at the artist, "My nightmare scared you."

After a moment she nods looking away, "It's scary to see you, of all people, panicking. You don't panic, or do anything remotely similar to that. I'm not scared of you, never. But when you're terrified like that, I'm scared for you."

Just after she finishes her explanation there is a knock at the door, we both look up to see Booth leaning on the door, "Hey." He says still lingering at the threshold.

Angela gives him a wary look, then a half smile, "Hey," she responds then looks back at me "I'll go talk to the others. You're okay here, sweetie?" She asked. Even I can tell she means are you okay with him. I have a bad feeling about how this next conversation is going to go, but Angela seems to think it's a good idea. I hesitantly nod yes.

"Sure."

Booth gives me one of his charm smiles, and Angela nods and walks out of the room. Booth's saunters to the foot of the bed, far enough away to be just partners, close enough to act like he cares, "I haven't been around much lately." He tells me like I didn't know.

I want to scream at him, that I know that, that this will probably be the longest we've talked about something other than work in months, but I didn't, no need to cause more drama. Instead I hesitantly say, "Yeah, I've noticed." He flinches.

"I read your note." he announces but it's quick to add, "Just the part you wrote to me, of course." The FBI agent tells me.

"So that's where you went when you left."

He does one of his fake laughs and smiles, "Hodgins told you?" He asks.

"No, Cam did, but she didn't have to, I was awake for the end of your…conversation." I state.

"Oh…"

"Yeah, oh."

"Bones, I never meant to hurt you."

"I know."

"But I think I did some stupid things that hurt both of us. And I think, with what you're going through, I need to take a few steps back, if only until you are okay enough. When you decide that, you know where to find me." Is it funny that if I tried doing this to him it would likely become a permanent break?

But instead I just nod locking my mouth closed for fear of what might erupt out of it.

Why is he still talking "Bones, I know you owe me nothing, after what I just told you, but I'm hoping you'll answer. Why'd you do it?"

I take a deep breath "It wasn't all your fault, despite popular belief. I did it because every day it got a little harder, every day it got a little worse. I was, am, so tired of feeling. It's exhausting. I'm tired of feeling out of control. I'm sick of not being able to sleep or eat without memories overwhelming me. I'm drowning in them, to the point that I can't even breathe, let alone think."

"I have you, your girlfriend, Angela, Hodgins, Sweets, and Cam either expecting me to break down from you moving on or expecting me to act like I'm totally okay. If I'm not then it has to be because you moved on, it couldn't possibly be anything else, not one of the dozen or more other things. I tried to take a step back and that sure as hell didn't work. So I tried to take an out, that way you could assume whatever you wanted." The room is still after I finish my mini speech.

Booth doesn't answer after the first minute, or the second, on the third he turns and leaves the room.

Great, why the hell couldn't I keep my mouth shut, I had been doing pretty good this last year, why couldn't I hold it in for a little while longer?


	12. Silence

**_Woke up late today, and I still feel the sting of the pain.  
But I brushed my teeth anyway, got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face.  
I got a little bit stronger.  
Riding in the car to work, and I'm trying to ignore the hurt.  
So I turned on the radio, Stupid song made me think of you,  
I listened to it for minute, but then I changed it.  
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger.  
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,  
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels  
Letting you drag my heart around.  
And ohhh  
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.  
I know my heart will never be the same,  
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.  
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.  
Doesn't happen over night, but you turn around and a months gone by,  
And you realize you haven't cried.  
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer.  
I'm busy getting stronger._**

* * *

Silence

After Booth leaves, I'm not alone long, within five minutes, Hodgins knocks at the door I look up at the entomologist "Can I come in?" He asks still at the doorway I pause looking at my long time colleague, then nod affirmative. he walks in slowly then asks "You okay?"

I hesitate before answering, remembering that the question the doctor asked me, have I ever had a panic attack before, Hodgins could've answered that correctly as well as truthfully, only because he had walked in on me having one during his first year at the Jeffersonian, most likely because it was the 7 year anniversary of the time they had locked me in the trunk. It was the first time I had not been able to control my panic at work, the others included when my mentor had publicly attacked me then Booth told the defense attorney about my parents, when my mother was discovered, when the gravedigger caught both of us, and during my father's murder trial, and most recently during the Eames case. It illogically hurts to see the look on his face, the one that he only gives me when he thinks I'm close to melt down, not that he's seen more than the first one, after that I made sure to be alone and the doors all be locked if not me being home before having one if I even feel one coming on, never in my office, it was also, up until today the only time someone had talked me out of one not ignoring it or even hitting me or slapping me in the attempt to force me to stop, despite being someone who many at that time thought was just an angry conspiracy theorist, he was very kind and comforting.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I tell him with a smile

"Tell me something I don't know, of course you're fine. Dr. B, you've used that word so much lately it doesn't even sound like a word anymore." He states giving me a different look than the worried one, this one is somewhere between anger, worry and pleading for me to tell him the truth.

I ignore it and state "That's because I have to be okay, Hodgins."

"Well, I wish you would stop, Dr. B, it's okay to be human like the rest of us every once in awhile." he tells me sounding completely honest. Didn't he remember what happened when I let my demons overwhelm me? When I even let the tiniest of them out then I started acting like I did during the Eames case, I couldn't do that ever again, I can't allow my objectivity be skewed, if I do I spiral way out of control and scare everyone around me.

"I have to be fine…" I argue back

"Why? Why do you have to, you're stuck with us, Dr. B, whether you like it or not." He says with a look "You don't have to always be okay, not for us, not for anyone, we aren't going to leave you, not because you're not always okay, not if any of us can help it."

"It scares you guys when I'm not, last time, the Eames case, you were all scared."

"For you. We were scared for you. We all saw you tail-spinning out and there was nothing we could do. We tried talking to you, all of us, then all of the sudden you were suddenly back to being 'okay' we erroneously assumed you were okay afterwards because you acted like it, we all have known you long enough that we should've seen through the facade that you showed the rest of the world, but none of us wanted to see, that's on us."

"It's not your guys' fault. My weakness is not on any of your faults," I begin only to be interrupted

"It's not weakness, you aren't weak, that I can say without a doubt, hell, I've never meet someone stronger than you. You, Dr. Brennan, are anything but weak."

I don't argue, if they want me to believe that, I'll let them believe that I believe that, they probably won't once they know what I kept from them, even if Cam said she didn't I know that, if she was telling the truth, she would be the anomaly not the rule, I had gone through that before. "I am weak though, Hodgins." I tell him my voice calm, I'm just reporting the facts, nothing that's not the truth. "I am weak, and cold, and emotionless."

He scoffs "If you were really any of those things you wouldn't be you, you a have passion to get justice for every victim that comes into the lab, you care for everyone in the lab, you would kill for anyone of us, hell, if we would let you, you'd die for any of us. If you're weak, the rest of us are doomed. But you're not Superwoman, let us help you, please, Dr. B."

I pause for a moment before answering, the voices of the hundreds of comment telling me, some of them by him, or Cam, or Angela, or Booth, arguing against the words that they've all said today, and at other points but today's words are most up for debate, they now know I am weak, that I had more than just thoughts of ending my life, what did I have to offer them anymore? But now that they know what reasons do they have to lie? But what reason do they have to care? If they're lying at least now I won't be surprised when they prove that they are. I'll know why, I had forgotten over the last few years, that everyone eventually betrayed each other, I did it by leaving them, they made sure I knew that. What's the point of getting mad at a wasp for having and using a stinger, so why should I not be prepared for the inevitability of human betrayal? I don't explain that to Hodgins instead of arguing or telling him the truth I only nod, looking away so he doesn't see the untruth in my eyes

"You say you do, but I can tell you don't believe me. I don't know if you don't want to, or just don't, but we are going to make you believe us. We are not going to leave you." He says with such conviction that I almost want to believe him "That I can promise you." This time I don't respond because I'm not quite sure how to. He remains silent for a few seconds, chewing on his lip, not really looking at me

"If you want to say something else, just go ahead."

"You won't murder me?" He asks half joking but still partially serious

"Even if I want to, I don't think I'm physically capable of injuring you, and I'd never actually murder you."

"Nice to know, Dr. Brennan, hold on to that please."

"What is it, Dr. Hodgins?"

"I know about you and Dr. Kelly."

I feel my entire body tense "What- what are you talking about?" He can't know. Can he?

"About seven years ago, I got a call from one of the companies run by the Cantilever group, they found a tape that they thought we could sell to the tabloids for major money, they just told me it was about a young up and coming author, but they needed my permission to release it. So I told them to send it to me, imagine my surprise when I saw who was on the video, the mystery author Dr. Temperance Brennan on a date with and kissing the visiting Dr. Makayla Kelly."

"I can explain-"

"Why would you need to? Not to me. I don't care and I didn't then, but I knew people would, and that it could cause a lot of trouble for you, so I deleted the copy I had the company bury it. The few other videos sent to me were buried as well."

"Why? You didn't owe me anything, you didn't have to do that."

"I saw how you looked at her, both in the lab and on the video, you're in love with her. I wasn't going to mess with that. I honestly kind of assumed that was why you didn't ever do anything with Booth. Dr. Brennan, I saw what happened to her on the Maluku dig, I'm very sorry- if you want to talk about it, I'm more than willing to listen." Just then Sweets comes in. We both look up at him, Hodgins gets up "Well, I'll be back later. Glad you're okay, Dr. B."

"Hodgins!" He turns back around "Thank you."

"Always a pleasure to serve." He says with a smile before leaving

When Sweets and I are alone, there's the awkward silence that had covered our last conversation then it's broken by Sweets, "I was at your apartment, to get Booth, I read your note, and a few pages of your book." He says sounding nervous, "I think we had all kind of hoped that it was a quick decision, we were wrong, weren't we? You had it all planed, everything. Everything except me and Cam showing up." He tells me shattering any hope of them believing it wasn't me being illogical.

I clear my throat and nod "Yes" I near silently whisper, I'm not sure what was worse them thinking I did this hastily or knowing that I planned this out, every little detail, except for any of them suspecting something was wrong, they weren't supposed to notice, I was supposed to just disappear

He looks like I punched him, then he takes a deep breath, then begins to speak "Dr. Brennan," he says locking his eyes with mine, and not letting me break it "I know we've been horrible friends as of late, but please, I'm begging you if your planing to do this again, tell one of us, you've helped all of us, let us help you." He begs

"Why do you all want to help me?" I ask what I've been wondering for quite awhile

He looks at me for a moment with something resembling shock, pain, though he covers it up well "We want to because, you're part of our family, because, we're not going to abandon you just because you're not completely okay right now. We want to because it's terrifying to see someone you care about in a pool of their own blood. We want to because it's what you would do for any of us." He says with such conviction that I'm slightly taken aback, I can count on one hand when I've seen Sweets act 100% his age, completely serious, most of them when we're on trial trying to put a murderer away, one of the other times was after we had finished the case that had the body on the cross when we metaphorically compared scars. But I've never seen him act like this, scared and worried and serious and a bit mad.

He sounds truthful, or maybe I just want him to be, so I don't try to dissect everything he said trying to find the fiction. I only nod and murmur a "Okay" accepting not only his help but the others as well

"You'll let us help you, you'll talk to us?" He asks sounding like he doesn't quite believing that I agreed so quickly

"Yeah." I say, "I'll try, but you'll have to remember, it may take awhile, I don't often share, I'm not very good at it." I say, though he probably already knows

He seems to get it, to some extent because he's not quite so shocked or hopeful, it's a little more tempered down but the relief is still there "Okay… good…" he mumbles sounding slightly surprised "I think I'll let you get some sleep." He breaks the silence that has begun to cloud the room. I nod, not really wanting him to leave but knowing he should probably leave as he slowly turns around to leave, I lay down to attempt to sleep. As I'm just about to fall asleep I realize I'm not terrified to close my eyes, for the first time in over six months, because in the silence that surrounds the room, the fight with Booth, the uphill battle the next weeks, and months, and years even, are just a little less scary, even the nightmares don't feel as monumental. Some of the louder memories are still there but they're drowned out by my family's words, I don't know what's going to happen between me and Booth, or what the others are going to do when I get out of the hospital, but with these people the future struggles feel like they aren't going to be as big as they used to. And maybe, one day, hopefully soon, I be able to breath again.


	13. Shaking

_**Yeah, we both carry baggage,  
We picked up on our way, so if you love me do it gently,  
And I will do the same.  
We may shine, we may shatter,  
We may be picking up the pieces here on after,  
We are fragile, we are human,  
We are shaped by the light we let through us,  
We break fast, cause we are glass.  
Cause we are glass.  
I'll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks,  
And in the darkness of this moment,  
You see the good and bad.  
But try not to judge me, 'cause we've walked down different paths,  
But it brought us here together, so I won't take that back.  
We may shine, we may shatter,  
We may be picking up the pieces here on after,  
We are fragile, we are human,  
We are shaped by the light we let through us,  
We break fast, cause we are glass.  
We might be oil and water, this could be a big mistake,  
We might burn like gasoline and fire,  
It's a chance we'll have to take**_

* * *

without further ado chapter 1 of part 2

Brennan's POV

The incessant beeps of my alarm never fail to amaze me at how quickly they'll force me up, but today I'm almost happy about them, I get to return to the Jeffersonian, the past three weeks of doing nothing had me going "stir crazy". And though I've seen all of them but Booth several times in the previous week, I'm enjoying the idea of seeing them in a professional setting again where hopefully they won't be so hesitant around me, and though I get why it's still tiring after nearly a month of it, and having something other than the monotony my life has been to focus on makes it much easier to control any urges to cut. But I'm not giving into them, yesterday being my day 23 clean though six of those were spent in the hospital before they allowed me to leave on the condition someone checked on me regularly. The others had taken it upon themselves to create a cycle on who would check on me.

As I get dressed I hesitate between a long sleeved dress shirt that will stop the rest of the Jeffersonian who doesn't know from knowing why I was away for so long with no explanation and a shorter sleeve shirt that still wouldn't show a majority of the fading cuts and scars but the most recent ones, the deepest still pink but not as raw looking as before, and the sutures have been out for almost a week, I hesitate for a time before going with the longer sleeves for a few days more.

I thank whatever luck I have that I was only beaten here by Cam and thus don't have to reassure Angela and by extension Hodgins a dozen times over that I'm okay to come back to work. I get why they're all concerned, Cam and Sweets too, though they're better at hiding it, but at some point it gets slightly exhausting.

So when I can get into my office nearly undetected. Then get to Limbo, as the FBI hasn't sent a case to the Jeffersonian in over a month, before having to deal with anyone. I'm thrilled. When I get to Limbo I go and find a random box of remains, the one I found luckily has most the bones so it, hopefully shouldn't require too much thought to find ID and cause of death. I work in silence until I hear the squintern of the week, Aristoo, come into Limbo "Hello, Dr. Brennan, it's good to have you back." He says with a smile.

"It's good to be back, Mr. Vaziri," I tell him what's expected, though in this case it's also mostly true

We work in mostly silence except when the others come into check on me, a few of the reasons they gave I would've thought they were just asking if not for the looks they gave me when they thought I wasn't looking.

At around ten Hodgins comes in with a confused look on his face "Dr. Brennan, there's someone here that wants to speak to you."

I look up and give him a look that matches his own "Who is it?"

"Didn't say, his in his late fifties, early sixties, thick brown hair, but it's receding, large glasses, and some of the greenest eyes I've ever seen."

I know exactly who he's talking about, but what was he doing here? I quickly take of my latex gloves off my hands and rush out of the room, leaving the other two trailing behind me, looking and sounding very confused.

When I get to the main lab he's standing right by the doorway when he sees me he stands a little straighter "Dr. Brennan."

"You're here."

"Yeah, I'm here."

I motion to my office, and start walking towards it turning to see if he's following I see the others on the platform looking very confused 'it's fine' I mouth at them with a smile

I then turn my attention to the man as we enter my office, we had met a few times before, but I knew the circumstances of this meeting would make it severely unpleasant, as I turn to close the door I notice the others still on the platform watching, I give them what I hope is a reassuring smile before closing it. I finally turn towards him as he sits down in one of the arm chairs I sit on the couch opposite of him leaning forward before I speak "Mr. Kelly." I fiddle with my hands for a moment "I never expected…"

"Me to come here? Me to ever come to this country?" He says almost scoffing

"-You to look me in the eye, talk to me, it's my fault Makayla…" I correct gently

"Is dead. My daughter, my only child, is dead. I won't waste your time Temperance, I just… I need to know what happened nine months ago. You were her boss, her friend, something more, you both pretty much had the same experience on those wretched digs. So why is she dead and you alive."

I look at him for a moment it was a thought I had many times over recent months Why did I live? I was the one with the gun, I was the one who was supposed to protect her. I was the one who sent the guard away.

"I-I don't know. I don't know why I'm alive. I wish I could tell you why I am and she's not. Hell, I wish I could trade places with her." I take a breath before continuing "I could give you which bullet killed her, I could tell you how it killed her, where it hit, but I get the feeling you don't want to know that. I could tell you how much I loved her, how much she loved you, her last words, but you know that already. As for the question you asked, the truth is, there is no reason. There is no reason why I should be alive, and I could give you thousands of reasons why she should be. And I know that's not the answer you were hoping for, it's not one I want to give, but there is no real reason why."

"Well, I agree," he says standing up, upon a closer look he has tears rolling down his face "there is no reason, why you should be alive. It's your fault." It felt like he threw a bucket of ice water on me with those words, I had been thinking it in my head for months, I even had told Cam, but having him confirm it "It's your fault she's dead." He states leaving the room

I stay sitting there for a minute before falling back into the couch I bring my hand, it's shaking but from anger or sadness I don't know, up to my forehead moving it down to my temple and just allowing my head to rest there for just a moment. I know I have to go back to the platform eventually, but I know the moment I get out there they'll want to know what it's about, if I stay in here, one of them is going to come check on me.

rather It doesn't take long for me to hear a knock I look up to see Cam leaning against the doorframe "Hey," I say with a fake smile I'm pretty sure she can see through

"Hey," she says taking a few steps closer to the couch "You okay?"

"'m fine" it sounds like a lie even to myself

"Why don't I believe you?" She says almost teasingly with a half smile, immediately turning serious "What was that about? Who was that?"

"That was Oliver Kelly."

"What did he want?" She asks gently but the look on her face tells me she has a pretty good idea who he is and what he probably wanted but for some reason she wanted me to tell her.

"He wanted to know why his daughter is dead. He wanted to know why Mak is dead and I'm not." I look at her trying to discern what she's thinking before I continue "I gave him the honest answer, I don't know, I couldn't give him a reason." The room is silent then I speak again "He says it's my fault." I almost whisper

At that she gives me a pointed look before saying in a measured tone "And you agree with him?"

"I know you disagree. You weren't there though, you didn't see her, I-I was the one with the gun, if I wasn't there maybe they wouldn't have fired. If I had waited to engage them then maybe the others could've gotten there before they all shot at us. If I had been in her spot when they fired, she would be okay. So, yeah, I can see why he thinks that."

Cam's POV

I look at the anthropologist, since two weeks ago she has put her walls up again but not quite the same, her walls now allowed her to give very fake smiles if they needed to that only fool those who aren't the people she works with, even Russ, Max and Booth have been fooled. It also appears she may have left a small door in the wall for the rest of us in the lab and Sweets to get through, sometimes.

This type of conversation is what half the time follows with one of us depending on how willing she is to talk, and who caused the reaction. We all had gotten pretty good at out doing most the logic she used in her arguments when they involve anything similar to why she should be dead or why things, sometimes way out of her, of anyone's, control are her fault because she did something wrong, it's scary to see her so unsure of herself, especially with the all too recent memories of her lying in a pool of blood.

I take a breath before pointing out, "You are right about one thing, I definitely disagree with is you being at fault. You both did what years of situations similar to this on other digs, and years more of you working with Booth told you to do. You didn't do anything wrong, so how are you at fault?"

She pauses, her normally calm cerulean eyes turning into a navy storm of emotions, she takes a breath then asks me calmly, "If someone in the lab was following instructions you gave them, following all the protocol, and died when doing the job you gave them, are you at fault?"

I pause before answering, knowing that she was right, should anyone even be injured, let alone killed, in the lab I would feel at fault however irrational, but if I agreed she would believe it's her fault, and by the facts that she's told me, it was a thing of chance. This wasn't her using misinformation, this was a group of people who were dead set on getting rid of them.

I know she hates that we're walking on eggshells around her, but I don't think any of us truly know what to do, ever since she got out of the hospital two weeks ago, she hasn't shut us out like before, but we could tell she was still hiding something, still waiting for the other shoe to drop, and us to leave her. So, instead of answering her I lean forward grabbing her hand in mine I say, in an almost authoritative, whisper, "Dr. Brennan, I'm going to ask something of you, that I'm not quite sure I, we, deserve, I am also not sure if you are willing to give it to us. I'm going to ask you to trust me, trust us. I am not going to promise we are not going to hurt you, I can't promise you that truthfully. I can, however, promise you that we're not going to do it on purpose, I can promise you that we don't want to hurt you, we want to help. And I get why you don't, trust us that is. We didn't see how bad off you were, we fooled ourselves into thinking you were okay, we let you use the same mask on us as you do on everybody else, and we believe it. You think because of that we're doing this to appease our guilt, or because we pity you. And I can't figure out how to prove right now, how wrong you are. So, we are going to set out to show you." I finish in the same quiet voice I started in. Not letting it waiver, hoping the sincerity was audible and was visible to her.

It must be because after only a few seconds she starts to speak her every word sound weighed and slightly unsure as if it was going to be used against her, "I… trust you guys… I trust you guys more than I've trusted… almost anyone in quite a while. That's what makes it so terrifying, because I have these… Voices telling me I shouldn't be alive. That I shouldn't trust you. And I shouldn't have come back. That I shouldn't stop…" she pauses for a moment taking a deep breath "That I shouldn't stop punishing myself, cutting. And… If I trust what you guys are saying… Like I want to, like I believe I should… Then I can't trust my own thoughts, because… Because almost everything you guys have said in these past weeks say that the thoughts are lying, not you."

When she finishes she looks more vulnerable than I've seen her at anytime in these past three weeks, or ever for that matter, and I get why, and not being able to trust your thoughts was scary for most anyone let alone the person who built their life around logic, "Okay, Brennan, I want you to give me a reason any of us have to lie to you," I give her a moment

And let out a gentle smile when she slowly shakes her head with a nearly silent "You have none, that I can think of."

I continue in the same calm logical voice I had started with "Okay, then believe me when I tell you that her death is not your fault. You don't deserve to be punished for surviving, and it is horrible but she dead, but you're never going to get me to say that you should be dead as well or in her place, because that is simply not true." Deciding to let her have some time to think it over.

I slowly stand up and begin to leave when I'm right by the doorway I look at the anthropologists again, just before I leave I hear her say in a voice that better suits a child over the very sure scientist she normally is "Why–why are you guys staying? Why aren't you guys leaving? Why you want to help me? I'm broken." she says the last sentence with a tone somewhere between defeat and acceptance.

"You are not broken, you're just having a hard time. As for why, because you would do the same for any one of us, because your family, that's what they do, because it's terrifying to see one of your best friends-one of your strongest friends in a pool of blood, and not knowing if they're going to survive, because we care about you. Take your pick, they're all true." I slowly leave hoping she sees the truth in even a fraction of my words


	14. Illegal

**_I remember tears streaming down your face_**

**_When I said, "I'll never let you go"  
When all those shadows almost killed your light  
I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone"  
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight  
Just close your eyes  
The sun is going down  
You'll be alright  
No one can hurt you now  
Come morning light  
You and I'll be safe and sound  
Don't you dare look out your window darling  
Everything's on fire  
The war outside our door keeps raging on  
Hold onto this lullaby  
Even when the music's gone_**

* * *

Booth's POV

Today has been one of those days where everything that can go wrong will, hell, this entire month sure seems to follow that rule, my partner tried to kill herself and the two people I thought were on my side of this whole thing, who knew how hard it is for me to be near her, had told me to back off.

I had done what I had told her I would, I had taken a few steps back, I'm waiting for her to decide what she wants to do next, I had even taken three months off my liaison position, telling Cullen and Hacker it would give other agents appreciation for the Squints, not that any of the Squints knew that. These next four weeks would be filled by Perrotta and her partner Agent Danielle Coldman, an agent that was new to the building and from what I've seen a little full of herself for someone only a few months out of Quantico. I don't doubt I will succeed in getting both of them to eventually play nice but I don't want to imagine what type of trouble it will be.

Thanks to this large amount of free time I've suddenly acquired I've caught up with nearly all of my paper work and even started preparing for a few upcoming court dates, but even that still had me going home two or three hours earlier then I would normally.

That was good originally but now I've gotten more than a little stir crazy, causing me to fight more with Hannah, something that I know wasn't really a big deal can send either or both of us into a rage that would put us at one another's throats for the better part of the night.

I'm interrupted from my musing by my phone ringing, "Booth."

It's Hacker with a case, shouldn't all the higher ups know I'm not working with the Jeffersonian at the moment? Instead of reminding him for the umpteenth time I just get the details and yell for Perrotta and Coldman to go to the scene.

As I turn back to the paperwork I see Sweets making his way to the elevator, not being around Brennan also means not going near the others more than strictly necessary, but that also meant I hadn't talked to anyone from the lab in almost two weeks and Sweets in a week and a half. How had my life become so intertwined with hers that all my friends are hers? Wasn't that only supposed to happen during break ups?

Brennan's POV

When Cam leaves, my office is silent. I debate leaving and going back to limbo, double check the oddities I saw in the skeleton, letting them see how easily a few well aimed words could destroy whatever ersatz mask I have helping me pretend that I'm okay. But then I don't doubt they know it's weak, a strong wind at the wrong time could easily knock down the work I've done over the past weeks.

Or I could stay in here, I'm sure there is enough paperwork for me to use that as an excuse to not come out for an hour or two, it didn't escape my notice that that's what I did just over three weeks ago, I don't doubt the others will notice, I could go back to limbo but then I would be alone with my thoughts, they seem to never go away anymore, but when I'm near the others, or think about them, the thoughts are quieter. I'm stopped from choosing when there's a knock at the door "Hey, we've got a case, are you coming or do you want to sit this one out?" It's the person who just left my office a few minutes ago

"I'm coming, Dr. Saroyan. I'll be outside in a moment."

"Okay, you're riding with me." She says leaving the room

The ride to the scene is silent, even by my measurements, "What's the context of the find?" I finally ask hoping to crash the silence

"Housekeeper found the body, called it in." She begins as she's parking "A couple reporters showed up and metro PD called the FBI, then they called us. We're working with Perrotta and her new partner, agent Coldman, for this case." She says the last part a little slower, probably leaving the 'be nice,' she has a habit of adding off in the last minute, they don't realize I do try and 'be nice,' I just don't tolerate incompetence.

As we walk into the crime scene I get a strong sense of déjà vu, the body is pinned at least a meter off the ground, looking to be almost skinned, to the wall "Has anyone checked the mouth?" I ask before going to examine the remains

"Are the bodies always like this? A brunette by agent Perrotta asks, instead of answering Perrotta walks up to me and Cam

"Dr. Brennan, good to work with you again." Perrotta says coming up from behind me "This is agent Danielle Coldman, Coldman, this is Dr. Temperance Brennan and you know Dr. Saroyan"

"It's an honor, Dr. Brennan." The brunette who had followed Agent Perrotta over, she couldn't've been more than 27 or 28, if she was blonde, she definitely would've been Booth's type

"You're right, Dr. B," Hodgins announces pulling out a leather pouch from the body's mouth

"How'd you know?" Cam asks from beside me

"I've seen it before, open it." I tell Hodgins as he leans the now opened bag "Voodoo." I say "I saw this down in New Orleans with Booth. If I remember correctly, it's supposed to stop the dead from talking."

"Do you think there's a connection?" Perrotta asks

"Millions of people, all over the world practice vodun, there's no evidence of a connection, no reason to jump to that conclusion, however, between this and one of the bodies in limbo, it may be connected, though it's a bit odd, I will make some calls." I tell them remembering one of the anomalies from this morning I turn to examine the body "Male, late twenties, early thirties, Caucasian, dead for not much longer than three or four days probably. I can't tell you much more until we get him back to the lab." I turn to the others, Coldman was looking surprised at all I told her, she, like most police I've encountered, thought people were exaggerating my abilities, funny thing is they seem to be the only thing that hasn't changed in this last year, exaggerated or not. Pretty soon after that we remove the body from the scene as the agents finish questioning the housekeeper.

Hodgins POV

Ever since we have gotten back from the scene Brennan has been acting odd, well she was acting odd before, between the camping out in Limbo, the man none of us have even seen, the conversation with Cam, which none of us know what either of those were about, and both Cam and Brennan are being tight lipped about what it was even about, and her reaction to both Coldman and the crime scene, she was just acting odd, so much for a slow first day back.

All of us are more than a little on edge, hoping that nothing big will come, as so often it seems like bad things hit the lab in quick succession and we're all still trying to help, or at least keep an eye on, Brennan.

As she is looking at the remains she keeps frowning but simultaneously nodding then she notices something that makes her frown deepen "That's not good, at all." She mumbles to herself moving to one of the screens typing in what soon appears to be a name and when she presses enter sure enough a case file is on the screen dated over a decade ago when we had only recently started working with Booth. It's actually a file not from the FBI data base but from the New Orleans police department "They're not almost an exact match, they are, except there's this." She says pointing to a notch in the man's femur "He bleed out before they positioned him."

"How do you know, with all this damage?"

"Because of this just confirmed my thoughts from this morning." She says handing Cam two case files before pulling them up on the screens

Looking over the files the first one is that of Penny Hamilton, a college girl killed by Kevin Hollings in early 2006 "The eyes dug out, fed to dogs, blond girl, in college" she turns to the rest of us "everything matches up, but Kevin Hollings is dead. The killer on the Voodoo murder is in prison for killing Graham, among others, murders. That means," she pauses looking between the screen and says in an eerily calm voice, "we have a copycat killer."

"And to top it off, the Jeffersonian is one of the very few things connecting these two cases." I whisper, telling the others what they probably had already realized

"More than that," Aristoo says pulling a bright blue sticky note

"What is it Mr. Vaziri?" Cam asks

"They're targeting this specifically at Dr. Brennan." He places the note on an evidence tray with the sound echoing through the lab


	15. Wound

_**Clocks still tickin, life goes on  
Radio still plays a song  
As I try to put my scattered thoughts in place  
And it takes all the strength I've got  
To stumble to the coffee pot  
The first of many lonely mornings I've got to face  
You call to see if I'm ok  
Look out the window and I just say  
Last night I prayed the Lord my soul to keep  
Then I cried myself to sleep  
So sure life wouldn't go on without you  
But oh this sun is blinding me  
As it wakes me from the dark  
I guess the world didn't stop  
**__**For my broken heart**_

* * *

**_Dr. Brennan,_**

**_How do you like my gift? I promise it won't be the last and it's not my first either. Have you figured why it's so special? Have you found the other one? Do you have any clue who I am? You and your team to have such a lovely and colorful history with some beautiful crimes that I truly look forward to emulating._**

**_You have 96 hours after this man's heart stops beating then I'll find another person and, after another 24 hours, emulate another murder, Five days Dr. Brennan, go on, try and stop me. Now that you know everything that happens next isn't my doing, it's yours._**

**_Let the games begin._**

**_From,_**

**_The Impersonator_**

The notes handwriting is small, void of any obvious distinctions, kind of like a great school teacher's.

After reading it to myself I read it allowed to the others when I finish there's a ringing silence before Hodgins breaks it by speaking "That means…"

"They're planning on killing again." I say "And they're challenging me to stop them." I look down at my hand and see it shaking I put the note down and force my hand into a fist to stop it

"Was there a note near the other victim?" Cam asks

"Yeah, here, it was in the personal effects, same paper." Aristoo says attempting to read it "The blood made it impossible to read."

"Get it to Angela, see if she can make anything of it, and let's see if we can get an ID on both of them, see if we can find a connection between them. And let's get a copy of this one to Sweets and a handwriting analysis done on it, hopefully we'll be able to get something." Cam orders

"Hodgins we need T.O.D. ASAP, we need to know how long we have. Find where they were killed too, see if that's where this, Impersonator," I almost spit out the name, "is going to kill their next victim." He nod before leaving the platform with a tray of particles

I turn to Cam "Tell when you're done with the autopsy," then turning to Mr. Vaziri "The first body is set up in modular bone storage, Mr. Vaziri, please move it to the bone room, I'm going to tell agent Perrotta what's going on and will join you in a moment." When he leaves I turn back to Dr. Saroyan "I'll make some calls and get who would be able to get those files, the ones from New Orleans may take a while, but I may be able to speed it up a little."

"Do you have any idea why they would've chosen these murders to copy? They seem rather random."

"I was the prime suspect in Graham's murder, on the off chance we didn't get the case I would've probably been brought in, Booth was on the Hollings case for over a year before we began working together, the FBI, specifically Booth or whoever is taking his cases, likely would've been called in to help, add that to the… unique lay out." I give her what I hope is the reasons these cases were picked

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I tell her before leaving to my office the first call I make is to Perrotta telling her about the serial killer, preliminary TOD was at least three, maybe four days ago, if that's the case then the person may already being tortured or dead, and that's only if this impersonator guy isn't lying, which I doubt he was. To say the least she wasn't thrilled.

Almost immediately after I'm off the phone with her, promising to call if we find anything else, I make another call to a number I hadn't called for quite a while

"Hey, I need to exchange in one of those favors you owe me."

"You're actually using one? Temper, I've known you for over a decade and you've never done that. What's changed?" The voice on the other end says in his typical smooth voice

"I do not like where this case is going," I respond before explaining "I need some files, and who last accessed them. The quickest way to do that is through you."

"What, are they above your clearance?"

"No, but they'd take quite a while, maybe you'd be able to speed it up?"

"Okay, I'll see what I can do. Email files you need and I'll bring them to you in the next few days, you're apartment?"

"No, you can bring them to the Jeffersonian, they'll hopefully be useful to our case, I'll email them to you within the hour. Anything confidential can go to my apartment but, I can't think of much that would be. See you soon." I say before hanging up the phone and sending the email as I stand up running my hand once along my wrists, counting the scars in my head as I head towards the bone room

"What do you see, Mr. Vaziri? I ask entering putting on a pair of gloves

"TOD was placed at about eleven days ago, the cause of death was almost certainly the same as the other victim, but it looks similar to Penny Hamilton's, they look like they were broken no more than two days before she died." He lifts the skull up "By the looks of it it's an identical or almost identical key that was used to gouge out the eyeballs-"

"Peri- or post-mortem?"

"The victim was definitely not alive when this happened."

"Then they're not copying Hollings original murders, but his copycat." I unconsciously rub at my wrists as I remember the creep that was planing on killing me, well one of the first creeps.

"Who would copy a copy cat?"

"I wouldn't be surprised in this case if they did exactly that." I look back up at him "Anything else, Mr. Vaziri?"

"This looks to be an exact copy, some of the details, I couldn't find in any news report, I think they had access to the original case files."

"Which means they work here or in law enforcement. I'll go have Angela see who pulled these files, and what else they pulled."

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"Hey, Sweetie, almost done with the faces, should have an ID by tomorrow morning." She says, not looking up

"Good, when you're done, can you run a search, see who's pulled these files in the past months." I ask

"Sure thing." She looks up at me "You okay, Brennan?"

"I'm fine, Angela."

"It's just, this bastard is using our cases, ones we put behind us, I hate it, but he's blaming you, and his killing saying it's your fault. It's bull crap but if he pick these cases, I know I'm terrified at what else he's gonna do if he has the balls to do this." She rants

"I know, but right now, the only logical course of action is to catch them before they murder someone else."

"You're right." She says with a small smile "we're still on for tonight, right?"

"If you still want to come over, then yeah."

"Then we're still on." She responds with a small laugh

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My hands shakes uncontrollably as I open the door, but thankfully not enough for Angela to notice for our 'girls night in', in her words, my phrasing would be babysitting, or something similar, not that I minded, I love spending time with Angela, but I hate that she feels that it's required for her to be here.

The first few hours are great, we eat, then talk before sitting and watching a movie that Angela brought, something about a wizard, Harry Potter if I remember the name correctly, I found I was genuinely interested in the movie, but several weeks with little sleep makes a person's body shut down the moment it's allowed to, I fall asleep less than 45 minutes into the film.

Angela's POV

I wasn't shocked when Brennan falls asleep just after I start the movie, everyone in the lab has noticed in the past couple months her exhaustion, I had been almost certain the moment one of us was there when she was relaxed, she'd fall asleep. Sleep should do her some good I think taking the throw blanket off the back of the couch and drape it over her. When she's asleep Brennan looks totally different then when she's awake, the lines that normally crease her face almost completely, her entire expression is less guarded.

That is also why I can tell the moment she begins to have a nightmare, before she even starts tossing and mumbling. I go to shake her awake but pause, I know from past experience that it's not the smartest move to touch her when she's asleep, but I also know she shouldn't have to deal with anymore nightmares. I first try calling her name, hopping she's not so deep that she can hear me, when that doesn't work I go with my plan B, pausing the movie, I place my phone on high and set an alarm for a minute, setting it on the table in front of her I press start and get up off the couch onto the chair near her head, although this proved to be useless, as her breath hitches and she snaps up, gasping for breath

"Sweetie, Sweetie. Brennan." I grab her shoulder lightly, hoping to get her attention "Hey, you're in D.C., you're in your apartment, Brennan." Her eyes finally lock with mine I let go of her shoulder letting it fall beside her as her breath returns to a normal, steady pattern

"Angela." She whispers "Dammit, I'm sorry…"

"Hey, it's okay, it's no big." I hesitate before continuing "I thought you said they were stopping, that you didn't have them anymore."

"They were, and they are better, they only happen occasionally now."

"Why didn't you tell any of us?"

"I didn't want to worry you anymore then I had to."

"Well, that's not gonna happen, like it or not Sweetie, we care about you, so we're going to worry."

"I hate this, I can't get it to stop…" she pauses "Maybe I deserve it." She says quieter, probably trying to stop me from hearing

She failed "No, you don't."

"You don't even know what it's about."

"Then tell me." I say pushing her bangs away, she tenses, though her breath may have slowed I still see panic in her eyes, whether it's over the request or me touching her that causes it I don't know, but I pull my hand away, half hoping that it's the latter. "If... If you want to that is."

"Why… why do you want to know?"

"Sweetie, I'm worried about you. These nightmares, Whatever's causing them, the copycat killer challenging you, blaming you, the…" I pause for a moment, not wanting to say out loud how close she came to succeeding in killing herself

"Suicide attempt, self harm. You don't have to tiptoe around it, Angela."

"I hate thinking how close you were to succeeding, and none of us knew before that day, we shrugged off when we saw that you weren't okay."

"Angela, it's not your… I'm not your responsibility. I'm not anyone's responsibility."

"But you are my Best Friend, Brennan. I'm not asking because your my responsibility, I'm asking because whatever it is, it's giving you these nightmares, you may think you can handle it on your own, but you don't have to."

"It- I can guarantee you won't like what you hear."

"Then I'll deal with it," is all I say leaning closer to her "right now, I just want to know so I can try and help you."

"What if I don't want you to have to deal with it?"

"Then we can go back to watching Harry try and rescue the Sorcerer's Stone. I'm not going to push you," no good has ever come from pushing her, "but I am worried, just… promise me that you'll talk to someone."

At this she pauses, I take that as her not telling me and I unpause the tv, only half paying attention, most my brain worrying about my friend.

After a length of silence, "There were some… problems in Maluku," she says dubiously, waiting a few moments before she elaborates a little more, she pauses very little, like she's presenting a case. As her story unfolds I'm left no question as to why she's having these nightmares.

By the end I'm torn between hunting down the rest of the people who hurt her, not that I could do much damage, or hugging her and never allowing this to happen again. Knowing I can't do either of them, she doesn't seem particularly fond of touch right now, and she would get pissed if I tried to stop her from ever leaving my sight again, I move back to the couch, "Thank you." I say quietly grabbing her hand and giving her a small smile.


	16. Paranoia

_**A/N Welcome all of you to Come Wake me Up. To those who have read before and are returning for new chapters, thank you for your patience and understanding, please feel free to read it back through, I've added quite a bit as I revised to prepare for the remaining part of part two. For those who have stumbled upon this fic recently, thank you for joining the ride, I hope you enjoy.**_

* * *

**_Everywhere I turn I hurt someone  
But there's nothing I can say to change the things I've done  
Of all the things I hide from you I cannot hide the shame  
And I pray someone something will come and take away the pain  
There's no way out of this dark place  
No hope, no future  
I know I can't be free  
But I can't see another way  
And I can't face another day  
Tell me where did I go wrong  
Everyone I love, they're all gone  
I'd do everything so differently  
But I can't turn back the time  
_****_There's no shelter from the storm inside of me_**

* * *

Brennan's POV

"Hey, I finished the IDs, Paige Haddix, 22 year old college student, reported missing two weeks ago by her roommate, and Garrett Leigh is our man from on the wall, he was 34, reported missing six days ago by his girlfriend." Angela enters the bone room handing me the files

"Any connections between them?" I ask looking through them, hoping to find some sort of connecting link.

"No obvious ones, I'm going to send what we know to Perrotta, maybe they'll find one. You aren't going with them on this case, right?"

"Yes, that is correct, Dr. Sweets needs to clear me for anything other than crime scenes." I offer with a small smile

"Good." I look up at her "I don't love you out in the field to begin with, Sweetie. When you have this psycho out there who's playing this game with you… I hate it. Especially when he leaves notes like this." She defends before handing me a piece of paper with a picture or the bloody blue sticky note. I begin slowly reading it out loud

**_Greetings Dr. Brennan,_**

**_Feel free to call me the Impersonator. I was looking through your and your team's old cases, the clearance rate is impressive, I'll give you that. However it quickly came to my attention that you lot have never had a true challenger, some, like Heather Taffet, Howard Epps, even the coward known as Gormagon, tried, but they failed. Even if you haven't, I hope you'll provide me with even a minor one. To show I'm not jesting, I'll provide you two sacrifices before your turn begins. After your turn begins everything is your fault. Whether it be your doing or what you force me to do. Let the game commence._**

**_Sincerely, The Impersonator._**

"You know, the last time a serial killer called it a game and said it was my fault, it was Epps, before he sent you the heart, and poisoned Cam and tried to blow up Zack and Booth, before he broke into my apartment. If this gets that far, I'm ending it, I'm not letting it get that far again."

"Sweetie, we'll catch them, before it gets anywhere near that."

"I hope you're right, Angela." I respond a little less sure

"She's right, Dr. Brennan, we're going to catch this monster."

"Before or after more people die, before or after someone in this lab is targeted, Mr. Vaziri?"as my phone starts to ring "Brennan."

"Temper, are you pulling my leg?"

"What are you talking about, Bry?" I ask walking to my office, Angela following me close behind

"I mean, none of the names and files you asked me to pull exist."

"Okay, thank you for trying Bryant."

"I tried Temper."

"I think I kind of expected this. Talk to you later Bry."

"Stay safe Temp." He says as I hang up, just as my office phone rings again

"Brennan!" I growl into it as I answer

"Bad time, Dr. Brennan?"

"Agent Perrotta? I'm sorry, all the files I was hoping to get apparently don't exist, despite me writing in, and filing many of them myself."

"You think this serial killer erased them?"

"It would be the logical conclusion, which is by far the most concerning, between that and the entire bodies, the initials, this killer may have access to them."

"You think they're in the FBI or the Jeffersonian?"

"That would be logical. Agent Perrotta, is there a point to this call?"

"Yeah, we have a new body, looks to be the same guy."

"Send me and Dr. Saroyan the location, we'll be there soon." I respond hanging up again

"Another body?" Angela asks

"Apparently the FBI thinks so-"

"Dr. Brennan, we have a body in Virginia… and you're already know, Perrotta called you?" Cam says seeing that I already had my bag

"Yes, ready when you are Dr. Saroyan."

"Okay, let's go."

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Hodgins' POV

A forest ranger meets us at the parking lot, "Dr. Brennan, Dr. Saroyan, Dr. Hodgins, I've been sent to lead you to the crime scene." She begins speaking before we even fully get out of the vehicle

"What was the context of the find?" Dr. Brennan demands

"One of our troopers found it, just off the trail."

"How far in?" Cam asks

"Only a mile or so, twenty yards off the trail." She says before we fall into silence

"Thank you, you can leave." Brennan orders the ranger as we get to the scene

"Agent Perrotta, Agent Coldman." I call

"Doctors, the body is right there." Coldman offers, earning a barely restrained eye-roll

"Female, blonde, late teens, early twenties." Brennan says leaning over the body

"Fly larvae say she's been here no more than 24 hours, I should have a better timeline when we get back to the lab."

"The scavengers in the area did some serious damage to the flesh and skeleton." Cam comments "It looks like she was bashed in the head."

"Based on who they've copied, probably by a tire iron like Epps." I offer

"Dr. Brennan," Coldman yells "There's a note over here written to you."

**_"Come now Dr. Brennan, they say, you say you and your team are the best, use those big brains and lovely machines and at least give me a challenge, next body that blows may be closer to home."_** Brennan reads it out loud

"Well, let's catch the bastard, that'll be a challenge." Cam growls "The body goes to the lab, anything with blood, the note as well, soil and water samples as well."

By the time we and the body gets back to the lab, it's nearly seven, though Brennan doesn't seem to be even close to stopping

"Dr. Brennan, go home, you can fix the skull in the morning." Cam orders, putting her hand gently on her shoulder

"This Bastard is out there Cam, and he's looking through our cases, picking his next victim based on them. Hell, he's probably chosen who, and it's probably someone in the lab and he's challenging me- us to stop him. I'm fine, I don't need to go home, I don't need to sleep. I need to find out who this is and how she's connected to the other two, how they're all connected, and that starts by putting the skull back together." She argues

"He's getting to you, Dr. Brennan. You're no use to anyone if you pass out from exhaustion or start obsessing, come on, it's time to go home, we'll come back and work on this tomorrow with fresh eyes." Brennan looks unconvinced "Okay, let's try this, go home, or I will stick Angela on you."

"Fine, okay, just let me finish this, then I'll go home." I agree motioning toward the injuries to the body


	17. Cruelty

_**So, this is the second update in as many days, after this, I plan to update every Friday until part two is over, then take a small break to get a head start on part three.**_

* * *

_**Slowly fading away  
You're lost and so afraid  
Where is the hope i**__**n a world so cold?**_

_**Looking for a distant light  
Someone who could save a life  
You're living in fear that no one will hear your cries  
Can you save me now?  
I am with you  
I will carry you through it all  
I won't leave you, I will catch you  
When you feel like letting go  
'Cause you're not, you're not alone  
Your heart is full of broken dreams  
Just a fading memory  
And everything's gone but the pain carries on  
Lost in the rain again  
When will it ever end?  
The arms of relief seem so out of reach  
But I, I am here**_

* * *

Brennan's POV

When I get home, I'm not hungry at all, just ready for the day to be done, so I walk straight to my room, exhausted from the day. I slowly change into my sleepwear before falling into bed and into sleep.

_Once again I feel my wrists chained and bloody, I hear the blood dripping, feel it trailing down my arms, down my back and legs. The man in front of me is totally silent until he opens his mouth "you're now causing the death of people you don't even know… you're so useless, do us all a favor, just die, it will stop the Impersonator, the other won't care, they'll be thrilled."_

_"No, you're lying!"_

_"Am I, what reason do I have to lie?"_

_"No!"_ I jerk awake, my breath heaving, I stumble to the bathroom, 'Stop, please stop.'

I grab the familiar metal, moving it just above the former cuts 'Stop, none of them would want you to."

'**It's my fault she's dead, this killer will hurt or kill one of them too**.'

'She hated that you did this, you know that. They hate it too.'

'**I need these to stop.'**

'This won't do anything, go to one of them, call one of them, just leave, don't do this to them anymore.'

**'F-fine,'**

My hands are shaking, and my face has tears streaming down my face, pitching the blade before running out of my apartment, barely shoving on tennis shoes before I start running, I debate for a moment to go to Hodgins and Angela's house, or Cam or Sweets or even Booth, but realizing it's 4:30, I don't, not wanting to cause them any more trouble, I decide to run. I run until I can't speak or think or even breath.

Coldman's POV

_'Are you serious, none of the brainiacs are here yet, do they not care about the Impersonator or something? Word is they're usually borderline obsessive with these type of cases, especially Dr. Brennan._

"Agent Coldman?" A cold voice calls out in this stupid parking garage

'_Did she only just get here?'_ "Dr. Brennan! I was hoping to find you or Dr. Saroyan, get the notes from the bodies, maybe the FBI labs can get something you all missed." I say in a little too perky of voice, though thankfully the good doctor doesn't notice as far as I can tell, I really need my coffee before the five syllable words they used yesterday

"We aren't done with them, but we do have copies of them we were going to send to you, I could give you them now." She's certainly not dressed for working at the 'prestigious Jeffersonian', she's dressed to run, clearly having done so for at least a while as she's saying her words between slight pants, but that's not really my problem

"Sounds perfect." I offer, hopefully Perrotta will understand the lack of originals, she's work with these people before

"Follow me." She orders

"So, Dr. Brennan, you and Special Agent Booth are kind of legends in the FBI." I attempt to start a conversation as we weave through the halls of the Jeffersonian

"I knew that already, is there a point to that statement, or are you trying to make conversation with me, if that's the case, it would be advantageous of you to avoid the topic of myself and Agent Booth." She snaps rather suddenly

"Rough subject, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up such a sore subject." I offer putting my hands up in surrender "You really think you'll be able to fix that skull?" I try a new topic as we enter the lab

"Yes, I will, I'm actually going to start as soon as you leave." She says leading me to her office "Here you go, the copies."

"Thank you, Dr. Brennan." I say, realizing she's not going to say anything else, I leave her office, "Hello, Dr. Saroyan." The office door I just left half slams shut

"Agent Coldman, Dr. Brennan is here already?" She nods toward the office

"Yep, she got here about fifteen minutes after me."

"Okay, we'll email you when we have an ID." she dismisses me with a smile

Cam's POV

"Dr. Brennan, you're here early." I comment as I walk up behind her starting on the skull

"Couldn't sleep, plus I wasn't here more than fifteen minutes before you, thirty before the others."

"Whatever you say, Doctor Brennan."

She stays silent as I walk away to finish the autopsy of the body that belongs to the head, attempting to distinguish the animal feeding from previous injuries.

The only clear perimortem after four hours of searching was the same nick to the femoral artery that the other two victims had, as I finish, Dr. Brennan enters "She didn't die due to head trauma, no staining on the bones." She says handing me the now completed skull and pointing to the wound in the back

"Their femoral artery was cut, we'll get Angela to see if it's the same weapon that cut the other victims."

"Okay, I'm going to go get this to Angela, hopefully she can get a name and face to go with it."

"Sounds good." Just before she leaves the room her phone rings

"Brennan?"

"-rats Dr. Brennan." She puts it on speaker, grabbing the recording device from my hand turning it on

"Who's this?"

"Does it matter? I'm just giving you a heads up, your move has had its first blood drawn." The voice is almost robotic, but still has a small touch of humanity

"How'd you get this number? Who are you?" Brennan demands not letting her voice waver

"Why, Doctor Brennan, you already know me."

"Are you the Impersonator?"

"Very good, Dr. Brennan, and here they were exaggerating your intelligence."

"Why'd you call?" She questions

"You know, you really shouldn't be running so early in the morning, you may just… disappear." I freeze at that statement, this freak has been watching her… how long have they been following her, is it just Brennan or all of us

"I'm not scared of you."she growls

The voice chuckles "You should be, though, you've yet to see my reach."

"What are you talking about?"

"Have you heard from your little shrink today?" The voice asks just before the person on the other side hangs up.

"Ugg, I'm- I'm going to call Sweets." I say grabbing my phone just then Brennan's phone rings again

"Dr. Brennan…Yes, I am…Yes… I see, what happened?… Is he okay?…Okay, I'll be there in a half hour or so… goodbye." Her voice remains calm, her face gives nothing away.

"Don't try calling him, Dr. Saroyan, he's in Washington Memorial, his car crashed, we need to go there." She says, her voice eerily calm."

If it was anyone else I'd have thought they were joking, but it is Brennan, she never would joke like this "Okay, I'll tell the others, then we'll all go." I say leaving the room

* * *

_**What did you think?**_

_**please review**_

_**until next time**_

_**beckettlovescastlealways.**_


	18. Wednesday

_**Let him know that you know best**_  
'_**Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
Pray to God, he hears you  
And I pray to God, he hears you**_

_**And where did I go wrong? I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life**_

_**As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came**_

**_part2 chapter 6_**

**_Wednesday_**

* * *

Sweets' POV

What happened…what is doing that stupid beeping … must be the hospital "...Dr. Brennan?" I mumble, seeing the doctor sitting in the chair beside me "Wha-what happened?"

"Your car crashed, I'm assuming based on the fact that your engine caught fire, that this may be the 'closer to home' that the Impersonator was talking about."

"I-I couldn't stop, the brakes wouldn't work." I explain

"They took your car to the Jeffersonian, I'll tell Hodgins to check the brake lines. How are you feeling?"

My mind has a tough time keeping up with Brennan's leaps to begin with, when I have a pounding headache it's even harder to keep up, hence the extended pause before I answer, "Someone is playing a drum set in my head, but other than that, I'm fine."

"You got lucky, stage three concussion, 2nd degree burns on your right leg, but that's about it."

"If they're investigating my car and the bodies, shouldn't you be at the Jeffersonian?"

"We're taking shifts, being here with you, I have no bones so I stayed first, Cam is coming next, then Angela, and finally Hodgins, but you get to go home this evening, probably around 8 or so, most likely on the condition you have someone to stay with you, is Miss Wick in town?"

"No, she's out of town, visiting her parents. I'll probably just stay here tonight." She doesn't respond even further, just looks at me, she's reading me, looking for something, whatever it is she finds it as she finally looks away, but as she opens her mouth Dr. Saroyan comes in, and Brennan slams her mouth shut.

"Hey you two. Brennan, Angela has the ID for the victim when you get back to the lab." Dr. Saroyan says entering my hospital room

"Okay, I'll head back now. see you later, Sweets, you too Cam." Is all Dr. Brennan says before leaving

"She's in a hurry." I comment more than slightly worried

"She's burning herself out." The pathologist responds

Brennan's POV

"Hey, Dr. Brennan, how's Sweets?" Hodgins asks as I enter the lab, thankfully the hospital isn't a long walk from the Jeffersonian, thus the fact that I didn't have my car wasn't a big deal and I was back within 15 minutes of leaving the hospital

"He's awake, should be able to leave the hospital tonight." I say, attempting to rub the pain out of my head, before either of us speak any more, my phone rings

"Brennan."

"Dr. Brennan…" the robotic voice from earlier is on the other end

"How'd you get this number?"

"No need to worry Dr. Brennan, I found it on your file."

"Funnily enough, that doesn't help. What file? Am I incorrect in assuming that you're the Impersonator, or at least the person claiming to be him?"

"Very smart, Dr. Brennan, I see you've found my latest gifts."

"Yes, we did." paying no mind to the multiple in his sentence

"Now, calm down darling, no need to lose your temper."

"Answer the question. Are you him?"

"We're so alike, do they know Dr. Brennan."

"That doesn't sound much like an answer."

"They must be there, you're team. Who is it? Dr. Hodgins, Dr. Saroyan, Miss Montenegro, maybe one of your interns? Couldn't possibly be Dr. Sweets, there is no way he's out of the hospital already."

"Is there a point? Or did you just call to talk?"

"I've heard about your little trip to Indonesia, I know what you did there."

"As we move to the point…"

"Fisty, You killed what, 11, 12 people? More if you include the people who you didn't kill directly."

"How'd you know about that? What do you want? Stop stalling, what's the point of this call?"

"That's more people than those who you've branded as monsters, Howard Epps, Heather Taffett, myself, you've killed more people in the past nine months than they ever did in their careers."

"If you don't get to the point, I'm hanging up." I growl

"As for what I want, well your record makes me wonder why we don't work together…"

"What are you talking about, why would I even consider doing that."

"Really, you won't consider my very generous offer?" The voice sounds bemused

"Why did you even consider offering? No, I will never work with you."

"Then you will continue to pay for this in your friends blood. The shrink is just the beginning."

"Come anywhere near them, even try to hurt them, and I will end you, and that will be one death that I won't regret."

"Just keep playing the game." He says hanging up

"How the Hell did he get my fucking number?" I fume as I shove the phone back in my pocket

"He called you again." Hodgins demands with a worried voice

"Yes, suggested that we work together. I told him to go to Hell." I don't bring up the fact that he knows what happened in Maluku, convincing myself that it was just due to him looking me up- it had to be somewhere online, right?

"He couldn't have thought that you would actually agree to that, did he?" Mr. Fisher asks

"Not by itself, however threatening the people I care about… maybe he thought he would get some results."

"Did he?" Hodgins asks, sounding genuinely serious,

Frowning at the need to ask I respond, "No, however keep a lookout for anyone… suspicious."

"Always do." He offers with a small smirk

"Anyway, Cam said Angela had an ID?" I switch the topic

"I don't know, maybe, she's in her office." He offers, engrossed in the machine once again

"Okay." "Angela, you have an ID?"

"Yeah, Alexandria Walker, same age as April Wright, so those two match up with the other two, reported missing by her father yesterday."

"Hey, I just got the results back from the Mass Spec, and whatever cut Sweets brake lines, also killed all three of the victims." Hodgins declares walking into the office

"That just confirms that this freak follows through on his twisted promises." Angela responds with a frown

"Do you have a rendering of the weapon to send to Perrotta and Coldman?" I ask, not wanting to get caught up in his other promises

"Yeah, it's a switchblade serrated." She says pulling up a picture of the kind of knife he's been using

"Send them all that." I begin to leave "Angela, has Cam seen this?"

"Cam? Yes, I showed her just before she left."

"Us four, Perrotta, Sweets and Coldman should be the only ones to know we know this or see it in any way shape or form."

"You really think it's someone in the lab?"

"Or in the FBI, yes." I respond leaving her office, Alexandria's bones are clean so maybe I can find someone unique that takes us anywhere.

* * *

**_So, what did you think?_**

**_Please review_**

**_Do you think we can get to 150 reviews? If we do, I'll post the next chapter early._**

**_until next time_**

**_beckettlovescastlealways_**


	19. Motto

_**we did it! We broke 150 reviews, thank you to everyone who has read followed or favorite this story, thank you to all those who reviewed as well, actually you guys are the main reason it took so long for me to get this out, I had to rewrite part of this from some ideas and questions raised in some of the resent ones.**_

* * *

_**Everybody's waiting**_  
_**Everybody's watching**_  
_**Even when you're sleeping**_  
_**Keep your ey-eyes open**_

_**The tricky thing**_  
_**Is yesterday we were just children**_  
_**Playing soldiers just pretending**_  
_**Dreaming dreams with happy endings**_  
_**In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords**_  
_**But now we've stepped into a cruel world**_  
_**Where everybody stands and keeps score**_

_**Keep your eyes open**_

_**Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown**_  
_**Everybody's watching to see the fallout**_  
_**Even when you're sleeping, sleeping**_  
_**Keep your eyes open**_  
_**Keep your eyes open**_  
_**Keep your eyes open**_

_**So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard**_  
_**Every lesson forms a new scar**_  
_**They never thought you'd make it this far**_  
_**But turn around (turn around), oh they've surrounded you**_  
_**It's a showdown (showdown) and nobody comes to save you now**_  
_**But you've got something they don't**_  
_**Yeah you've got something they don't**_  
_**You've just gotta keep your eyes open**_

* * *

Sweets POV

"You can't be serious, Angela, there's no way they'll get together."

"Oh come on did you see how he looked at her?" she smiles

"They and a large portion of the city just about blew up, Anyone would look at the person they're with like that."

"Mark my words, Castle and Beckett will get together."

"We'll see." I cross my arms

"Well, nice to see you two are having fun." Hodgins says walking into the room "But I've been sent by Dr. B and Cam, they need you in the lab tomorrow first thing." He says looking at Angela then to Sweets "Brennan offered to look after you for the night, if you want to get out of here."

"You think she was serious?"

"You know she would not have offered if she wasn't serious, call her. She'll probably be by soon, she was going to wait till 8, or till Perrotta finishes the check on the warehouse the particulates lead to, whichever came first." The Entomologist shrugs

"Okay." I agree, still not totally believing him

"Ready to go Angie?

"Yeah, let's." She put on her coat quickly before looking towards me "See you tomorrow Sweets."

When they leave, I grab my phone, debating for several moments before hitting Dr. Brennan's number "Hello, Dr. Brennan?"

"_Dr. Sweets, I take it Dr. Hodgins has talked to you?"_

I say hesitantly "Yes, he has."

"_Give me one moment, Sweets, I have to hang up."_

A few minutes later Brennan enters my room "Hello."

"Hey, Dr. Brennan, you didn't have to come here, I know you took plenty of time out of the case this morning, I was actually planning to stay here."

she frowns and begins to leave "Oh, I'll just leave you be then."

_'Damn it she was being serious'_ "Dr. Brennan, I didn't mean… you don't have to leave, and if you're serious, I'd be fine with you keeping an eye on me tonight. However, I don't want to be in the way of you stopping this psycho."

"I wouldn't have offered if I thought that was going to happen. Plus-" her phone begins ringing "Brennan… Dr. Hodgins…Your car too?... are you two okay… okay, let's get your car to the lab, it would be logical to assume that they did the same thing to yours… let me know if anything changes please." She hangs up the phone as the TV flickers to breaking news "Turn it up please Sweets."

"Is that?" _'No way'_

"Yes. Someone set bombs off in the Jeffersonian. I'm going to call... Dr. Saroyan, hopefully she wasn't in the lab or building and knows what the hell is going on…Cam, call me when you get this…" she slams her phone off "she didn't answer."

"I'm sure she's fine." I offer, not totally believing it but not wanting to worry her anymore then she already seems to be

"I hope you're right..." she doesn't appear to believe me nor be able to take her eyes off the television screen "I'm going to try calling Perrotta, then we'll get you checked out, then I'm going to the Jeffersonian to see what the hell happened."

"I'm going with you." I say sitting up rather suddenly, regretting it as my head begins to pound even more

"Perrotta… you're joking… how many injured… are you okay?… did you see on the news… yes… In the Jeffersonian… it's FBI jurisdiction… if they give you the all clear can you please go see what's going on at the lab, I'll be there in a few minutes but… Thank you." she hangs up, takes a deep breath then looks at me "Okay, let's get you checked out."

The Impersonator's POV

"What do we have so far?" Perrotta demands as she gets to the explosion site

"Most the people and all the public had left, so not as bad as it could've been, none dead, 8 injured, two critically." I look at her, she has bandages on her wrist and peeking out on her neck, ah, so the flames did work I hide a smirk with a 'concerned' frown "What happened at that warehouse."

"The bastard had the building rigged, I got the least of it, you should see the others. I don't know how much we'll get from there, CSRU is combing it over for anything but…" she trails off

"You don't think they'll find anything."

"There's a reason we need the Jeffersonian squints."

"Does Agent Booth know about all this?"

"I have a meeting with him tomorrow morning, I don't think he knows more than the fact that a dozen agents were injured. Anyway, focusing on the scene we're at, was the explosion contained to the medico-legal lab?"

"Yes, promptly at 8:15, it goes off from under the platform, shrapnel goes everywhere. We got here about 10 minutes later, bomb dogs found no other explosives in the vicinity, so we began searching the lab, if they didn't have all that glass, there would probably be even less injuries."

"Agent Perotta." the shrink yells as he and Dr. Brennan come up behind us, her with the frown that appears to be permanent and his brow is furrowed

"Dr. Sweets, Dr. Brennan." Perrotta says, faking a smile

"How many people would've been in the lab, Dr. Brennan?" I ask so they don't question why I'm there

"No more than 15, 20 at most, even less if Dr. Saroyan had left." She answers hesitantly,_ she doesn't trust me… yet_

"Is there any way to know for sure?" Perrotta asks

All employees have to swipe their cards to enter the lab, the data is in the security hub over there." The _world's best _anthropologistoffers, pointing toward Air and Space museum.

"Okay, thank you." I give the anthropologist a small smile before I begin walking away, best not let it be known that I set the bombs

Brennan's POV

"Where are the ambulances." I ask Perrotta

"That way." she points into the scene just past a blind corner

As we enter the police tape my phone begins to ring "Brennan." I answer

"I see Dr. Saroyan found my other gift." the robotic voice from the first two calls responds I can practically hear them smirk

"You lied to me, you said none of them would be hurt.-"

"If you joined me." he interupts

"Yet you already had caused Sweets to crash, did something to Hodgins' car, am I wrong in assuming you did the same with Cam's, planted the bomb in the lab…"

"How do you know I didn't do that _after_. How do you know this isn't _your_ doing?"

"You just signed your death certificate." I growl

"Oh come now, no one was killed. This game has hardly begun." they laugh

I hang up without another word

"Dr. Brennan, he called you _again."_

"I know, Dr. Sweets. I'm going to talk to Angela or Perrotta about putting something in my phone to track these calls."

"Calling you, repeatedly, Dr. Brennan, that's very different then leaving notes on bodies."

"This isn't the first time a monster has had my number." I comment as we walk up to the open ambulance doors "Dr. Saroyan, nice to see you're okay."

"Brennan, Dr. Sweets. Why are you out of the hospital?"

"Minor concussion, I was going to stay with Daisy, but she had to go help her parents, Dr. Brennan kindly offered to look after me tonight. How are _you _Dr. Saroyan?"

"I'm fine, I was in the autopsy room. I got hit by some glass, banged my head, " she says motioning to the bleeding wound on her forehead, that and a small one on her shoulder appear to be the only major ones "otherwise I was lucky. No signs of internal damage, but they're going to take me in to the hospital in a bit, just to double check. I'm fine, I was lucky." I carefully brush the bits of hair off her forehead, seeing that it was much deeper than it appeared

"You were, especially that you didn't drive." I say realizing the impersonator's threat may not be all carried through

"What do you mean Brennan?" she asks as the paramedic starts to check her for a concussion

"Hodgins and Angela's car, it crashed just like Sweets, only difference is there wasn't a fire, logically the impersonator did the same to yours." I say, leaving out the most recent phone call

"Okay, so busses, taxis and walking till it ends?"

"Exactly." as her concussion test is finishes she shoots a look at us "Sweets, you don't look so good."

"You should see yourself Cam, you don't look much better." the psychologist says motioning to her forehead, the deepest cuts now being sewn up, she winces as the needle enters her skin, without thinking about it I grab her hand gently squeezing it. The next stitch, instead of wincing, she squeezes my hand, but otherwise doesn't react outwardly

"She's right Sweets, you don't look good." I say as I look him over

"You two go, I'm fine, I'll be home tomorrow at the latest."

"If you're sure, we'll go, but just… be careful, call me if you need something." I offer letting go of her hand_ 'Why did I do that?… Why did I like it?' _I think before shaking my head and turning to Sweets, he seemed to be getting paler "Are you okay, Dr. Sweets?"

"Yeah, I'm- I'm fine." We're silent as we walk back to the cab, were halfway to my apartment before he speaks "You're blaming yourself, for the crashes, the explosion."

"He's going after you guys because of me, it's a pretty good reason to blame me."

"He's going after us because he's crazy and wants to make you crazy. We don't blame you, we blame him, please don't blame yourself."

"Can we _please _talk about something else."

"Okay, fine, does Booth know about our most recent case?"

"I assume so, I'd ask Perrotta or Coldman that question, we're on a 'break', though I assume you know that."

"Okay, what about you and Dr. Saroyan?"

"What about me and Cam?"

"You don't do that for anyone, the brushing hair away, the holding hands."

"I was looking at the wound, and if she kept flinching she'd end up having to have it redone, purely medical, logical, that's all."

"That wasn't purely medical, that was you were worried and that wasn't the logical choice, that was wanting to stop her pain, the odd thing is, you don't do that, you're usually very at compartmentalizing, so why can you not when it comes to Cam."

"Whatever you say Sweets, I think that concussion was worse than they thought."

"We're here." the cabbie says I hardly let the cab stop before I step out, I grab Sweets' stuff

"Are you okay, Dr. Brennan." Sweets says suddenly as he walks into her apartment behind her

"I'm fine, Dr. Sweets, why wouldn't I be?"

"I'm sorry that I asked anything. Are you going to sleep soon?"

"No, I need to make sure you don't sleep, in case you forgot, you were in a car crash today and got yourself a concussion. Plus I'm keeping my phone close tonight." She doesn't specify whether it's Hodgins, Dr. Saroyan or the Imposter that she's waiting for a call from and for once Sweets doesn't push for an answer "Would you like something to eat or drink, I mostly have movies for the TV and the local channels, but I have lots of music, which is better for a concussion then television anyway."

"You don't have to wait on me Dr. Brennan, I can get-" he stands attempting to prove his point, only to stumble, I push him back to a sitting position

"No, you aren't, just let me. Do you want some water?"

"That'd be good." I stand go to the kitchen "Dr. Brennan, can I ask you a question?"

"I can't stop you from asking, I'm not however going to promise that I'll answer at least until I can hear it." I respond hoping he won't ask anything too… digging

"What happened in Maluku?" _'well, so much for that'_

"Miss Wick really hasn't told you anything?" I ask, a bit shocked at the continued loyalty

"She said you swore her to silence, that you were my friend so if I wanted to know, I'd have to ask you. If you wanted me to know then you'd tell me."

I can't stop my muscles from tensing up as I open the fridge instead of giving a response "Are you su-" I'm cut off by a blasting sound, a ball of light and pain… so much pain.

* * *

_**I'm sorry about the repost of this chapter, I left my account open and my brother thought it would be a great prank to delete it, I didn't notice for about twenty minutes.**_

* * *

_**What did you think**_

_**please review**_

_**until next time**_

_**beckettlovescastlealways**_


	20. Fresh

**_I'm sooooooooo sorry, I was planning on writing and publishing on Friday but my last few weeks have just been psychotic, I should have the next chapter done on Friday or Saturday and after that I am done with school for the year and I can focus on this story._**

* * *

**_I ain't saying you ain't got good reason_**

**_For wanting to take a match to everything  
But before you set your mind on leavin'  
You really oughta stop and think_**

**_Can you run across her picture and not wonder where she is?  
Can you catch the scent of her perfume and not think about her kiss?  
If you can't stop dreamin' 'bout her when you're sleepin' all alone  
Well that's all you need to know  
Don't leave her_**

**_Swallow your pride and turn this thing around  
Cause this here is a road  
You don't wanna go down_**

* * *

Fresh

'Dr. Brennan!' I yell, or I swear I yell, though I slowly realize that I can hardly hear myself yelling, and only out of my left ear, I run over to her, avoiding the various prices of shrapnel and small fires as I kneel down next to her checking her pulse, thankfully it's there, as I slowly realize she's not going to wake up anytime soon, I can't open any other cupboards as they may also be rigged to blow.

Just then I hear the faint sound of sirens and the buzzing beep of the building's fire alarms, one of the neighbors must have pulled the alarm and called the police and EMTs due to the noise of the explosion the heat of the fire starts to get closer to me, the heat radiating onto the soles of my feet and my back. She's not waking up and based on how her limbs are lying she wouldn't be able to move anyway, we need to get out, I need to get her out, with that thought, I throw her right arm over my shoulder and slowly picked her up, knowing I would've probably gotten yelled at by Brennan or Cam or any of the squints for this, her spine isn't clear, but I know damn well we can't stay in the building so I slowly start to the hallway and down the stairs, by the end, I'm thankful that her apartment is only on the second floor.

The EMTs heard me to one of the stretchers telling me to lie her down on it as they begin checking on me and moving her into one of the ambulances that promptly drives away "Is she going to be okay?" I half yell

Or I can assume I yell as the paramedic flinches away for a split second before answering "They're taking her to the hospital, she looks to be the only one who was seriously injured in the explosion and fire, and her injuries didn't look too severe." she said asking me to follow the light "Okay, we're gonna take you to the ER, check on that concussion and your hearing."

"Okay, sounds good."

Booth's POV

Hannah's phone rings nearly simultaneously to mine, neither one was usual as I have no cases and she is a senior reporter who seldom gets suprise cases after 8:30 or so

"Booth."

"Is this Seeley Booth?"

"Yes."

"Mr. Booth, I'm calling from George Washington Memorial Hospital, you're listed as Dr. Temperance Brennan's emergency contact."

"What- what happened?" I freeze not fully comprehending what they're calling for

"I can't really tell you more until you are at the hospital."

"Okay, I'll be there in a few." I hang up and turn to Hannah who's all ready getting back into work clothes "Got a story?"

"Yeah, did you hear about the explosion at the Jeffersonian?"

"The Jeffersonian?" I ask feeling cold worried curl up in my stomach

"I asked, no names of the injured have been released to the public, but the only name I recognized was Dr. Saroyan, and from what Allyson said she looked fine. But with everyone covering that, they need me out, there was an explosion in a Logan Circle apartment complex, they want to know if it's the same group or person. I'll be back at 1, 2 at the latest." She says kissing my on my cheek as she begins walking out the door

"Well, I don't know if I will be back by then, that was George Washington Memorial, Bones was just taken into their ER."

"Is Temperance okay?" she asks pausing looking worried

"I don't know, I'm heading to the hospital, I'll call the others and see if they know what's going on. Between Perrotta's team, Sweets not being in, and now Bones and the Jeffersonian… What the Hell have those Squints gotten themselves into" I pull on a t-shirt and a pair of sweats grabbing my keys, wallet, and phone as I run out of the door pressing speed dial 6 for Hodgins eventually getting the scientist on the fourth ring

"Booth?" he answers sounding confused and not entirely happy "What do you want?"

"What the hell is going on tonight? What have you Squints done?" I demand

"What do you mean what have us Squints done?" He growls and I can almost see his glare

"From what I can figure out everywhere is on fire, everything is exploding and crashing and at least Cam, Bones and Sweets have been in the hospital." I explain

"Cam and Brennan? How were they hurt? Are they okay" he demands now sounding more worried than mad at me

"You haven't heard?" I ask shocked

"Dude, I last talked to Dr. B two hours ago to let her know that this Impersonator freak messed with my car and me and Angie were in a minor wreck. I talked to Cam before that even."

"Who the hell is the Impersonator? Made you two get into a car wreck, are you okay? What have you Squints gotten yourselves into?" I ask again

"I don't really know what we've gotten into, Brennan, Cam and maybe Sweets would probably have a better idea, Brennan is really worried about this, and she's trying to keep the rest of us out of it to an extent… she was trying to keep us out of this freak's line of fire. He seems to be targeting her most specifically. Me and Angie are fine, based on what you just said though, I think we may head back see if we can help anyone."

"Okay, maybe I'll see you there then."

The last bit of the drive is in silence minus a text coming in on my phone just as I pull into the parking lot of the hospital as I get out of the car looking down at it as I enter the hospital main entrance, I see it's Hannah 'The building that had the explosion was Temperance's, Dr. Sweets said she didn't look so good, it was in her apartment- Is she okay?'

For all of one second I freeze by the door before I snap out of it and begin half walking half running to the front desk demanding where she is, the lady at the desk quickly looks it up "She's in casualty, room 208."

"Thank you!" I say as I run up the stairs of the lobby, as I get near her room I hear who I assume is Bones' doctor speaking

"You were lucky, Dr. Brennan, no brain bleeds, no internal damage, just a pretty nasty stage three concussion, minor burns and a few bruised ribs, I'd like to keep you for a couple days for observation, just to be sure, a nurse will be in shortly to get you a more permanent place to stay."

"Okay, thank you Dr. Fulcher." I step aside as the guy leaves the room before I slowly enter "What are you doing here, Agent Booth. What do you want?" She asks me as I enter, perhaps a bit coldly but otherwise she just sounds tired

"What do you mean what do I want?" Hoping she clarifies

"I thought I was a fairly clear question, Agent Booth."

"Bones, I get a call from the hospital saying that my partner is in the ER, Hannah finds out that it was an explosion that put you in here. Three Squints have been in the hospital because of car wrecks. A bomb went off in the lab and one of my agents is damn near cooked by a fire bomb. From what I hear it all traces back to your case. So of course I'm here." I explain exasperatedly

"We aren't partners, not anymore Agent Booth, if I recall correctly, that was your choice, so take your step back, and leave me alone. Ask Perrotta or Coldman or Sweets if you want more information about the case. Feel free to check on the others to see if they're okay, or don't, as of late I don't think that any of them would notice. Goodbye Agent Booth." She doesn't raise her voice when saying this her voice just goes frigid her eyes are ice

"Damn it Bones, Sweets and all the squints have been to this damned hospital in the past 36 hours, you need to stop going after this guy, let someone else take the case."

"Your worry is noted Agent Booth, I'll try to get the others to stop, I sure as hell don't want them in this if he's going after me, but he's not going to stop his twisted game, and I'm not going to let him continue. You may leave now Agent Booth. " she tries to dismiss me again

"Bones, he will kill you and the others, leave, stop, anything,just until we catch this guy."

"You say that like the FBI will catch this guy without the Jeffersonian, that's a lie, and you know it Agent Booth. Now, Goodbye." And with that I have no choice but to leave

* * *

So, what did you think

please review

until next time

beckettlovescastlealways.


	21. Trust

_**Everything will break.**_

_**People say goodbye.**_

_**In their own special way.**_

_**All that you rely on**_

_**And all that you can fake**_

_**Will leave you in the morning**_

_**But find you in the day**_

_**Oh you're in my veins**_

_**And I cannot get you out**_

_**Oh you're all I taste**_

_**At night inside of my mouth**_

_**Oh you run away**_

_**Cause I am not what you found**_

_**Oh you're in my veins**_

_**And I cannot get you out.**_

_**Everything will change.**_

_**Nothin stays the same.**_

_**And nobody here's perfect.**_

_**Oh but everyone's to blame**_

_**All that you rely on**_

_**And all that you can save**_

_**Will leave you in the morning**_

_**And find you in the day**_

* * *

_**Okay, so I'm way late for Friday, Finals week gave me even less time that I thought it would. and on top of that, I'll give that it's a filler chapter, however the next chapter should be extremely long, the stuff I have outlined for it is over 1000 words alone, plus it has a bunch more to add to make a chapter.**_

* * *

TRUST

Brennan's POV

When Booth leaves I can't stop my hand from shaking, I curl it into a fist hoping to get it to stop, not loosening it when they move me to another room or , just then there's a soft knock at the door, I look up to see Angela by the door "What are you doing here Ange? You should be going home."

"I was headed that way, then we found out my best friend got herself thrown across her apartment, and our boss and more importantly our friend got herself injured in a different explosion. Where else did you think I'd be?" she says standing at the foot of the bed for a moment

"You didn't have to come Ange, I would've called you tomorrow, you need sleep."

"I need to be here, plus Hodgins is coming here in about 20 minutes, and I'm gonna go check on Cam, then we'll leave, mostly because both of you are going to all but shove us out."

"There's no way I can change your mind, is there?" I say sighing

"Would I be able to get you to leave if I was just almost blown up?" she smirks thinking she has me beat, and she kind of does

"Angela, that's different and you know it, I'm not 6 months pregnant. Plus as I'm in here due to my own fault." I try one last time

"How the hell is it your fault?" She says getting mad

"This freak is targeting you guys because of me, because I care about you guys and he wants to get to me. All the injures from today are my fault, including my own. They're my fault."

"Sweetie… dammit, no one- none of us blame you for what this bastard is doing, I just wish you'd believe us." she looks at me, perhaps for too long, before sighing "You look like you should probably get some sleep Sweetie." She says not talking about the impersonator any further, turning the tv down a bit and sitting in the chair by my bed "Sleep, I'm not going to leave until you do." She says with a small smirk- she knows damn well that I'll now need to sleep and "behave", she needs to go home

"Fine." I say closing my eyes and attempting to sleep, loosening my muscles and steadying my breath, hoping it will force me to sleep, despite my doubts I eventually fall asleep

"_Mak… oh Mak…" I mumble, blood and dirt soaking onto my legs as I Try and stop her from bleeding out_

"_Ow… I'm bleeding, Temper." she says, clearly in shock_

"_Yeah- yeah you are… but you're gonna be fine." _

"_You suck at lying to me Temper." She says with a small laugh, which turns into a cough, blood dripping down her chin, a few specks landing on my face_

"_I'm not. I'm not, listen, the others, they're coming, I can hear the jeep- can't you?" I ask as it comes into earshot_

"_They're too late. We both know I'm dying." she gives me a smile_

"_No- no you're not. You'll be fine." I say trying in vain to stop the blood from flowing out of her chest_

"_I'm sorry, Temper, I think you're wrong on this one." slowly raising her hand us and pushing my bangs away "Your eyes are so beautiful, first thing I noticed about you, the sky blue eyes." she keeps talking between hitching breaths_

"_I'm not wrong Mak- I can't… I'm not wrong. You'll be fine."_

"_It's okay Temper, you'll be okay, I'm sorry. I-" she takes a damp breath, sounding like she's drowning "I love you, Temperance."_

"_I'm not going to say goodbye, I can't be responsible for you leaving, hurting you, killing you too. I love you. "_

"_It's not your fault, my Jewel, don't worry, you'll be okay."_

"_Hush, Mak, come on, you- you have to fight… you'll be fine."_

"_No, she won't." I hear a familiar voice, I look around and sure enough see Sweets standing behind me "But you know that, don't you? It's your fault after all."_

"_Sweets- get down."_

"_Why? The shooting has stopped, _you _stopped." he says with a smirk, kneeling down behind the jeep none the less_

"_What are you talking about? It's not me you should be worrying about, I'm not the one shooting at us." I give him a small look before slowly looking over the jeep, no one is there as far as I can see_

"_Liar!" he says grabbing my shoulder and turning me to face him, tilting his head, there is a bullet hole in the side of his head a thick trail of blood and grey matter down his head, dripping onto his all to white shirt "Look what you did!" he says grabbing my arm and pulling me out from behind the car bodies are spread throughout the clearing over a dozen bodies spread across the clearing._

_As I look closer, I quickly see that the bodies aren't the who I expected, they aren't the people I have killed, it wasn't the people who hurt me and my friends, who killed Mak, it was my friends and family, Booth, Angela, Cam, Hodgins, Zack, Mr. Nigel-Murray, Daisy, Wendell, Clark, Fisher, Mr. Vaziri, Russ, Amy, Hayley, Emma, my dad, Parker. All of them shot, in the head, neck, chest, blood covering them I turn back to Sweets "Who-who did this? What happened?"_

"_You." Sweets says dropping to the ground by Mak, both now dead as well. _

_I look down at my hand blood is flowing down my forearm to my hand, which has a glock gripped in it, I realize it must be the gun who killed them, I attempt to drop it, I don't want that weapon in my hands "No, no, you're lying, no, I wouldn't." I begin mumbling as I try to pull the gun off my hand _"No!" I yell sitting up rather suddenly as I snap awake

"Dr. Brennan, Dr. Brennan," one of the nurses says trying to calm me down, pushing on my shoulder "You need to calm down, you're okay."

I pull away from her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Make it stop. I'm sorry- I didn't want them to get hurt. I didn't mean to."

"Dr. Brennan, I need to to calm down, or I'm going to have to sedate you." I attempt to calm myself, '_it's just a dream, it has to be. I have to breath, I have to calm down. I can't be stuck in this hospital any longer then I have to be. Just stop thinking about it. HydrogenHeliumLithiumBeryllium,Boron,Carbon,Nitrogen, Oxygen, Fluorine, Neon, Sodium,Magnesium, Aluminum , Silicon, Phosphorus, Sulfur, Chlorine, Argon, Potassium, Calcium, Scandium... Titanium... Vanadium... Chromium... Manganese... Iron... Cobalt... Nickel... Copper... Zinc... Gallium... Germanium... Arsenic… _I breath after each element, slowly my breath begins slowing, the nurse slowly loosens her grip on my shoulder, checking my pulse and blood pressure, "Dr. Brennan, I'm going to give you a few units of morphine, that panic attack put some serious strain on your ribs,"

"No!" I yell rather suddenly "I- I don't need any morphine, I'm fine." _I don't need to not be able to wake up from these dreams, I don't want to be trapped."_

"You'll be in pain, Dr. Brennan."

"I'll be fine."

"Okay then. Press the button if you change your mind."

I nod slowly leaning back as I move the head of the bed up, the pain begins shooting through my ribs and back, the breathing had stretched my bruised body and now I was paying for it. The beeps of my and other nearby machines causing me to nearly go insane, I need to do something, anything. After nearly an hour, I turn on the TV, just trying to find something to stop myself from thinking, I need to stop thinking. A few seconds later my phone starts ringing, _is this freak seriously calling my again?_ I grab it, not looking who's actually calling before answering "What do you want?!"

"_Tempe?" _A voice that is clearly not the Impersonator

"Russ?"

"_Who'd you think it was?"_

"Why are you calling me at 4:30 in the morning?" I ask, hoping that he won't question why I was

"_Well, I _was _going to go to work." _

"Was? Where are you going now?" I ask hoping he's not up to one of his schemes

"_Well, that depends on you more then me Tempe. Are you okay? I saw that the Jeffersonian was bombed." He asks sounding really worried_

"I wasn't in the Jeffersonian when the bomb went off, Dr. Saroyan was one of the only one's still in the building, I was over in the hospital with Sweets." '_Then my apartment had another explosion, but I know I don't want to tell him that '_

"_You left out the answering of whether or not you're fine."_

'_**Dr. Weston to the ICU, Dr. Weston to the ICU.'**_ The intercom announces

"_Tempe?" He asks _

"Russ, the same person who bombed the Jeffersonian caused Dr. Hodgins and Sweets's cars to crash and they placed a bomb in my apartment. They also caused eight FBI agents injuries." I sandwich the second explosion in hoping he doesn't hear it

"_I'm coming up there."_

"No! I need you to stay away." he's silent "Please Russ, I'll be fine."

"_Fine, Tempe. I'll stay away. Keep me informed, I'll be up there as soon as you give me the go ahead." He sighs, finally giving into me_

"Fine. How are the girls?" I switch the topic hoping he won't ask anymore details

"They're good, Hayley and Emma, just got out for the summer, we were planning on coming up there to see you and dad later this month."

"Yeah? When do you think that will be?"

"_We were thinking driving up on the 25th, drive back down here on the 5th after independance day."_

"Sounds good, does dad know?" '_this case will be finished by then, I'll make sure of it._

"_Yeah, we are going to stay with him."_

"Okay, um… they're about to do morning rounds, I'll call you later today when I get out. They said I should be out today." I say seeing the doctor go into other rooms

"_Love you, Tempe. Talk to you later."_

"I love you too, talk to you later." I say hanging up the phone just as the doctor enters my room

"Dr. Brennan, you're up early, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, I can hardly even feel that I was thrown halfway across my apartment." I say with a small smile

"Well, all your vitals are looking stable, if the CT and MRI still show now internal bleeding or damage, you should be good to leave around lunch time."

"Okay…. Is Dr. Sweets okay? He was by the bomb too." I ask, hoping that he wasn't hurt just because I was trying to help

"He's fine, Dr. Brennan. Actually everyone brought in last night had less severe injuries than we usually see in cases like that."

"That's wonderful." I say, knowing most the injuries would be from the explosions, at least to this hospital

"Yeah, anyway, your tests will be around 10:30, I'll see you after that." I nod as she writes something new in my chart then walks out of the room.


	22. Impulsive

_**The tricky thing**_  
_**Is yesterday we were just children**_  
_**Playing soldiers just pretending**_  
_**Dreaming dreams with happy endings**_  
_**In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords**_  
_**But now we've stepped into a cruel world**_  
_**Where everybody stands and keeps score**_

_**Keep your eyes open**_

_**Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown**_  
_**Everybody's watching to see the fallout**_  
_**Even when you're sleeping, sleeping**_  
_**Keep your ey-eyes open**_  
_**Keep your ey-eyes open**_  
_**Keep your ey-eyes open**_

_**So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard**_  
_**Every lesson forms a new scar**_  
_**They never thought you'd make it this far**_  
_**But turn around (turn around), oh they've surrounded you**_  
_**It's a showdown (showdown) and nobody comes to save you now**_  
_**But you've got something they don't**_  
_**Yeah you've got something they don't**_  
_**You've just gotta keep your eyes open**_

* * *

Angela's POV

The lab is bustling when we get to work, nearly a week of being unable to enter the lab has lead to nearly everyone trying to catch up in work. especially those of us on the Impersonator case. The only sign of the explosion from last thursday is a area near Brennan's office that the FBI still has taped off.

As I turn on the computers in my office, Brennan enters, looking concerned "Angela, is it possible to set up something to trace the call when the Impersonator tries to call me again? Hopefully this bastard's hubris will provide our means to allow the FBI to catch him." She says handing me her phone

"Yeah, definitely."

She begins walking out of my office "Thank you."

"Are you okay Sweetie?" I ask just before she leaves

She looks at me, blinking before answering "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well-"

I'm cut off from answering her by Cam entering "Brennan, we have a new victim, Coldman and Perrotta said that it looks like the Impersonator." before leaving to tell Hodgins she continues "They've checked the van, nothing appears to be wrong with any of the items, looks like they were trying get us on the off hours." she then leaves the room, Brennnan following with a promise to talk later

Hodgins POV

The crime scene is very… interesting… the body is sitting, tied to a tree at the neck and arms around the tree a sign written in a foreign language hanging on the neck, under the sign there is six deep cuts, five parallel to each other and one underscoring the others. Shit... he didn't, Brennan seems to realise it, as she freezes for a split second, our boss looks at the anthropologist for a moment, not even getting a chance to ask what's wrong before the anthropologist snaps out of it, continuing towards the body bending down beside the body "Um… looks like it's a female, late 20's early 30's, but I won't- I won't know for sure until we get it back to the lab." she says her hands clenched into fists, as myself and Cam kneel down beside the body

"Looks like she's been dead about a day." I mumble looking at the larva on the body

Cam pulls the wallet out of the bodies pocket, handing it to Perrota who says "Melody Kentwood. This is the first time they've left the wallet, any idea why?" we all shake our heads

"The sign says 'Stop, or Death will follow' it's in an old language i saw it often on a few of my digs." Brennan says her eyes with a tense frown, luckily no one asks any more

The Imposter's POV

They found the body… oh this should be fun, especially with the lines in, the hospital and crime scenes made it so easy to put the microphones on their personal effects… the only difficult ones were the agents. I grab a bowl of berries as my laptop turns on

1TB1

2LS1

3JH1

4JH2

5CS1

6CS2

7AM1

8SB1

9 PP1

10DC1

_Hm… ennie meenie miny mo…. click_

_6CS2 1045_

"_**Brennan… Dr. Brennan… Dr. Brennan, are you okay, do you know where they got this…" the boss says, snapping her fingers to get the lovely doctor's attention**_

"_**I-I can't…I'm sorry- I can't" The bitch says**_

"_**Bren, Sweetie, what are you talking about." the artist**_

"_**I'm- just give me a minute- please."**_

"_**Go ahead Dr. Brennan." the boss again**_

"_**I'm- I'm sorry." footsteps**_

_Haha, this is really getting to her… perfect._

"_**Dr. Brennan!?" FBI's in the lab "Is she okay? **_

"_**I don't know, I don't think so….Have you two- Do you know what would cause her to react like that?"**_

"_**Not that I can…dammit- I'll um… I'll go talk to her." The bug boy says, and I hear his footsteps fall out of earshot**_

"_**Hey, don't look at me, just because I married him doesn't mean I understand what went on in this lab before I got here."**_

_Science… facts… boreing_

_**1TB1 1105**_

"_**Dr. Brennan?"**_

"_**Please Hodgins-"**_

"_**I just wanted to see if you're okay."**_

"_**I'll be fine."**_

_**The door clicks shut "So if I were to look into the Maluku dig…"**_

"_**Hodgins- don't- please."**_

"_**So he's copying that… he's copying what happened to Dr. Kelly."**_

"_**As far as I know, yes."**_

"_**What does that mean?"**_

"_**Dr. Hodgins, please." she sounds like she's crying**_

"_**Brennan, if he's not just copying the stuff you and Booth both worked on, if it's stuff from out of the country- The FBI and the lab, they need to know. You should tell the others anything, this one is going to tear you apart, Hell, it already is. The others want to help, maybe you should tell them, let them help."**_

"_**The day that she, that Mak, was killed- I was there… afterwards… I wasn't really… involved… with the dig, the locals who killed- they took me, tried to get me to call off the dig, they got very… creative. I was in the hospital for quite a while afterwards. I had just gotten back to the dig when we were all called back."**_

"_**I didn't know, I'm so sorry, Dr. Brennan." She lets out a scoffing laugh, slowly it turns closer to a cry then a laugh "Dr. B, are you okay?" his voice seems to get closer**_

"_**Yes… no, not really it's just- I'm done."**_

"_**Do you want me to stay here, or should I go get one of the others, Angela or Cam?"**_

"_**I- I don't know-"**_

"_**Okay."**_

"_**I need to stop- I need to pause. Why can't I stop?" there's a slam then a buzzing in the headphones**_

_That bitch just broke my line… okay, calm down… I'll fix this later, let's just see whet happened next_

_**3JH1 1125**_

"_**What was that?"**_

"_**Dr. B just got pissed."**_

"_**You punched the wall Dr. Brennan?" She sighs "Let me see?... Well congrats Dr. Brennan, you just got yourself a trip to the hospital, you're getting that wrist checked out."**_

"_**Fine, if that will make you feel better."**_

'_Boring- let's jump to later'_

_**5CS1 1305**_

"_**Well, despite your best effort, Dr. Brennan." Cam says the flap of paper punctuates her sentence "You only sprained your wrist, not broke it, you got lucky."**_

"_**I know that Cam."**_

"_**What lead to you punching the wall, you don't normally react that way- ever- to anyone in the lab, let alone Hodgins."**_

"_**It wasn't Hodgins' doing. It probably would've happened either way, this way Hodgins now knows a bit more then I'd have liked him to about Maluku… I don't even care about what I told him, it's the same thing I told you and Angela, it's more what he knew before."**_

"_**Okay, as your boss, Dr. Brennan, do I need to be concerned?"**_

"_**If I'm talking to my boss, no, you don't. Though we do finally have at least most of the files on one of the original victims." **__she didn't mention that earlier..._

"_**As your friend do I need to worry about anything?"**_

"_**Maybe… I'm just not sure if you'd want to know what Hodgins knows."**_

"_**Can I ask why I wouldn't want to know?"**_

"_**Because you are Booth's friend."**_

"_**And…? I'm your friend too, you tell me not to tell Booth, he will not be told."**_

"_**It's not that he doesn't know, though that is the case. It's that this would be one of the reasons that I turned him down, that the team is like it is."**_

"_**Okay, and now you've lost me."**_

"_**I was… with Mak, romantically…though not exclusively... for the better part of 9 years, well before I even knew Booth, I am- I mean am in love with her, or at least what you would call love, I couldn't be with Booth the way he wanted, he wanted me to be entirely his, to love him entirely for everything, I still can't be who he wants me to be, I can't make myself love him like that, I can't be who he wants, who I was when I was with her. And because I can't get myself act like it, I'm hurting one of my best friends." **__oh… drama_

"_**You don't see Booth romantically?"**_

"_**I saw him at one point sexually, and even convinced myself I could be who he wanted romantically and emotionally for a bit. However, any more I see him in about the same way as Russ or Hodgins."**_

"_**You don't like him romantically, but by the sounds of it, if you could fake it, if you could fake being who he wants… you would?" she sounds totally shocked**_

"_**Yes."**_

"_**Dr. Brennan, let's get your hand wrapped up and get you out of here." A new voice suddenly enters… must be the doctor**_

"_**Why? Why would you be willing to do that?" The conversation suddenly continues**_

"_**Because I didn't and this is where we are. Cause- effect."**_

"_**Brennan, you can't- have you- it's not your-have you told Booth.**_

"_**I'm not going to do that Cam."**_

"_**Okay, all done, my professional opinion is don't go punching anymore walls, keep it wrapped for the next three to four days, then nightly for a week after that. If you continue to experience pain when lifting after three weeks, come back in." the doctor again**_

"_**Okay, Dr. Turner…. I'm almost impressed Cam." she suddenly turns on her boss**_

"_**What do you mean?"**_

"_**You could've diagnosed a sprained wrist and dealt with it in the lab, Hell, I could've dealt with it in the lab, we both knew it was a sprain, so logic dictates that there had to be some for something else."**_

"_**I have no idea what you're talking about."**_

"_**Huh, and here I thought you were better at coming up with plans to get me to talk, especially with Angela helping you. I didn't think you'd use the excessive time hospitals take to get me to talk, especially when you could've just asked me."**_

"_**Brennan…what the hell are you talking about, I didn't..."**_

"_**Have I given you a reason to doubt that just asking would work, Dr. Saroyan?" then there's silence**_

Suddenly there's a knock on my door, I pause it, I should see who it is... don't want to arouse suspicion.

Brennan's POV

On the ride back to the lab, I find a piece of paper and write on it, slipping my ring off I hand both of them to Cam. I only need to explain it slightly… if she knows my potential plan she won't let me… that end needs to be open.

_Do not read this allowed_

_Not mad…I know you didn't do anything. Ring wired… wire should be broken now… probably more on myself and you lot._

She hesitates for a moment before writing something else

**Have a plan?**

_Working on one, let you know when I have one. Don't tell the others… we could use this to our advantage. _I partially lie to her, _it's best for her not to know… isn't it?_


	23. Skeleton

**_A/N- I'm back, I'm so sorry it took so long, summer classes and band camps along with family and a serious case of writers block made writing this chapter like pulling teeth, let alone making it what I wanted it to be, not quite there but it's pretty close. _**

**_hopefully, the next few chapters will be easier to get out, I'm hoping to get 2 or three chapters out by the 31st. Part 2 only has 4 chapters left , then I'll need a bit of time to finish ironing out part three which I want to start writing by October to give you a general time line._**

* * *

**_There's gotta be another way out_****_  
I've been stuck in a cage with my doubt  
I've tried forever getting out on my own.  
But every time I do this my way  
I get caught in the lies of the enemy  
I lay my troubles down  
I'm ready for you now.  
Bring me out  
Come and find me in the dark now  
Everyday by myself I'm breaking down  
I don't wanna fight alone anymore  
Bring me out  
From the prison of my own pride  
My God,  
I need a hope I can't deny  
In the end I'm realizing I was never meant to fight on my own  
Every little thing that I've known is everything I need to let go  
You're so much bigger than the world I have made  
So I surrender my soul  
I'm reaching out for your hope  
I lay my weapons down  
I'm ready for you now.  
Bring me out  
Come and find me in the dark now  
Everyday by myself I'm breaking down  
I don't wanna fight alone anymore  
Bring me out  
From the prison of my own pride  
My God,  
I need a hope I can't deny  
In the end I'm realizing I was never meant to fight on my own  
I don't wanna be incomplete  
I remember what you said to me  
I don't have to fight alone_**

* * *

Brennan's POV

Not knowing if it's just audio equipment or visual as well, both Cam and I make a point of acting guilty and mad respectively as she goes to her office to do some tests and I quickly return to the platform where the most recent two victims are, the first two are in the bone room

"You're back, how's your wrist Dr. B?" Hodgins says

"I'm fine Dr. Hodgins. Though concerned… these more recent victims… they weren't killed before being staged to look like the original victims, they were killed just like the originals."

"Well the Imposter used the same knife, Angela said she wanted to see you."

"Okay," I nod taking the gloves off my hands and walk off the platform to Angela's office, "Hodgins said you had something for me?"

"Yeah, the most recent victim's note, I just finished cleaning it up so we can read it."

"'You have the power to end this, Dr. Brennan, if you would just ask.'" she reads "I don't like the sound of that, are you… are you going to do what he wants."

"He tried to hurt you guys, next time he may not fail- what choice do I have?"

"We'll catch him together, just like we did with Taffet and Epps and a hundred other killers, you can't be seriously thinking about listening to, about working with or doing whatever this fucker wants."

"Angela…" I sigh "I- he's giving me a way to get him to stop… I can stop him from hurting anyone else, stop him from hurting anyone else I care about- why wouldn't I- shouldn't I at least consider- ugh what am I saying, I know you're right- I just, I couldn't stop it last time…"

"Bren-" she's cut off by a bang and a flame goes off in Hodgins' lab, _there's no way the Impersonator would attack the lab that soon after they reopen, not with security so tight, _I quickly half walk, half run with Angela to the room, though our worry quickly dies down to a smirk on Hodgins face, "What the hell was that Hodgins?" she demands

"I just confirmed what the Impersonator did to all our cars." he says recording notes onto the computer

"You mean he didn't just cut the breaks?" she asks before I could

"Nope he put this under as well," he motions to a small container with a short divider in the center "He put KMnO4, Potassium permanganate, in one compartment and car antifreeze in the other, the sudden stop of the crash lead to the antifreeze to slosh over and bam, instant fireball. The oil and gasoline kept it going after that."

"So why didn't your car catch fire then?"

"Design flaw for him, you were going faster than I was, it wasn't able to slosh over the barrier. No connection, no fire."

"Good work Hodgins, let Coldman and Perrotta know, maybe they can trace it."

"You can tell them yourself, Dr. Brennan, we have a new victim," Cam says leaning into the room

"He's speeding up his kill time frame?" Hodgins questions

"Or it could be a victim from earlier this week or even before any of the others, we don't know yet." I argue

"We'll know for sure when we get there." Cam says calmly "There's no need to get paranoid yet."

"Well let's get going then," Hodgins replied grabbing the items he'll head for the crime scene

After checking the Jeffersonian van for any... alterations, and not finding any we head to the scene.

The FBI agents and CSU surround an old car on cinder blocks with the trunk popped open to reveal a body, I freeze, just for a second, before shaking my head, there's no way they could know, I mean, it's not _him, _I would've been called, and he wouldn't be able to get police files, deciding it's illogical to worry about something that likely couldn't happen, I go up to the body looking at the bones, each thing I see confirming further and further that the Impersonator knows things they shouldn't, each wound nearly identical to one I had on my body when I was 16, everything's the same but the fact that this girl didn't get as lucky as I was, shoving my feelings down, I don't matter, "Female,caucasian, 16 to 18 years old."

"Well, the kill hasn't been speeding up his time schedule, bugs say she was killed 6 days ago," Hodgins declares

"Well, she was in the trunk for a while bleeding before she died."

"What do you mean, Dr. Saroyan?" Coldman asks walking up behind us

"There's too much blood in here for her to have been dead when she was put in the trunk, plus…" she says shining her black light on the ground by the car, beginning to follow the trail for almost a mile to an old half standing house's storm cellar.

Coldman, Perrotta and myself having followed her, Perrotta steps in front of the rest of us opening the door, her and Coldman clicking their flashlights on only to find that the cellar is covered in blood, various torture tools are strewn across the floor "Well, I think we may have found the knife you were looking for, Dr. Brennan."

I look around slowly before speaking, a cold hand gripping my stomach "No, we didn't… let's get CSU down here, but none of these weapons could have caused the first two deaths, none of them match the wound tracts."

I remain for a while, hoping CSRU will find the knife, that maybe we finally have a lead on this jackass, after awhile, I leave the chamber, suddenly feeling claustrophobic

"Brennan," I hear Cam say vaguely as she walks up behind me after I half run out of the torture room "Dr. Brennan" This time much closer "Are you okay, Dr. Brennan?"

"Yeah, I'll- I'll be fine."

"You know what he's copying?" It's not an actual question

"Yes." I nod not fully listening anymore, ancient memories creeping up on me as blackness forms around my vision "Um… Let's get the body back to- back to the lab, same with the… um… weapons."

"Are you sure you're okay, Brennan?" she says gently placing a hand on my shoulder, logically, I know it's Cam, I know she wouldn't hurt me, but I can't stop myself from flinching away from the hand

"Yes. Yes, I'm sure.I'm… I'm okay." I say attempting to force my breath to slow down, _I need to breathe, I need to think _

"Okay," her voice is too soft, she doesn't believe me '_well do you blame her, look at how you're acting'_ "well, CSRU is loading up the body, the cellar will take a while, but we can head back to the Jeffersonian, we aren't needed here anymore, so when you're ready, we can go"

"Okay." I agree before my phone rings "Brennan." I say my voice cracking "Brennan." I try again, too low but I don't try again

"Is this Temperance Brennan?"

"Yes." I answer getting into the back of the van at the same time as Hodgins and Cam get into the front

"I am Ashley McClaren, I'm with the Chicago Board of Parole, I'm calling to Inform you that James Nix has fled state lines a few weeks ago, evidence shows he has likely headed to do something to you."

"James- James Nix?" I repeat not hearing the name I expected, though still knowing it

"Yes ma'am, I'm sorry ma'am."

"Thank- thank you for informing me." I can't keep my breathing calm much longer

"Who was that?" Cam asks looking at me through the mirror

"We- we have a potential suspect." I force out, as we near the Jeffersonian '_keep calm, you're fine, you're okay."_

"Dr. B, you look like you're about to pass out, do you need us to stop?" Hodgins asks turning around to face me

I shake my head, I just need to keep it under control until we get back to the lab, then my office, then I can lose it

"Okay, who's the suspect?" he asks giving Cam a small look as we get closer and closer to the lab

"James, James Nix."

"Okay, we'll tell Perrotta, and they'll catch him, why do you think he's the impersonator." Cam asks calmly

I know if I speak anymore I won't be able to keep even remotely calm I shake my head promising myself to tell them later as we pull into the parking garage, I have to get out of the car, I can't- I push on the door opening it I instantly make a beeline for the lab and more so, my office.

Not stopping when Angela, Mr. Nigel-Murray or Cam call my name, all of them trying to talk to me. I slam the door shut, fumbling with the door knob attempting to lock it, before attempting to sit on the couch only to slowly sink to the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest trying to force myself to breath, the memories overwhelming me, pain from wounds healed long ago, his hot breath on me, the pain as I lay in the cramped trunk over a minor offence '_I'm sorry! Let me out! Please! I'm sorry, I'll be more careful! I promise. Please! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! It won't happen again! Let me out! Please! I'm sorry! Make it stop! Please! I'm sorry!'_ I hear myself say, not knowing if it's myself saying it or my past self

I vaguely hear a knock on my door before it opens and I suddenly feel somebody kneel down near me "Brennan," the voice sounds like it's underwater, not only a few feet away from me.

Cam's PoV

When we get back in the lab, Brennan springs out of the car her hands shaking her breath coming out in sharp hitching bursts "Brennan." I try to get her to slow down as me and Hodgins both follow her back into the lab entering just as she closes her office door

"What the hell happened at that scene?"

"What's wrong with Dr. Brennan?"

Mr. Nigel-Murray and Angela ask simultaneously as we walk in behind her

"I don't know, she just started panicking…" Hodgins says looking towards me too

"I'm not sure, I'm going to go try to talk to her…" I say walking to her office " Dr. Brennan?" I ask knocking before slowly opening the door

When I enter, I see her kneeling with her back against the couch, knees up against her chest, her fingers clinging to her arms, small drops of blood below where her nails are, she was crying, her breaths coming in short jagged burst, between which I hear her mumbling "Sorry." and "Please." over and over with "It won't happen again."s, "I promise."s and "Let me out."s sometimes being thrown in.

I kneel down next to her gently saying her name, she tenses up but looks towards me, just a bit "Brennan, you need to let go, you're cutting up your arm." I say calmly hesitating for a moment before slowly grabbing her wrist and pulling it away from her arm, she tenses trying to pull away "I'm sorry, you're hurting yourself," I say putting my hands up in the air "Okay, Dr. Brennan, can I… Brennan, how can I help?"

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry. Please, make it stop. I'm sorry. I won't- I won't do it again."

"What are you talking about, Dr. Brennan?" she doesn't answer

"I'm sorry." she whimpers

"Okay." I say realizing I won't get much else out of her until I get her to calm down "It's okay, I'll make it stop, it's okay." I answer "Brennan, will you look at me," she does so slowly, though seeming to be looking at something that isn't there "I'm going to breathe, can you copy me?" I ask calmly

She nods

"Okay, in...out...in...out" I repeat that over and over each time getting a bit further apart until she's back to a normal breathing pattern, her eyes seeming to focus back into the present "Okay, are you okay now, Dr. Brennan?"

"Yes," she says her voice hoarse "I'm okay, Dr. Saroyan." she says slowly standing up, her voice a bit clearer and calmer


	24. Forfeit

_**Like a small boat**_  
_**On the ocean**_  
_**Sending big waves**_  
_**Into motion**_  
_**Like how a single word**_  
_**Can make a heart open**_  
_**I might only have one match**_  
_**But I can make an explosion**_

_**And all those things I didn't say**_

_**Wrecking balls inside my brain**_  
_**I will scream them loud tonight**_  
_**Can you hear my voice this time?**_

_**This is my fight song**_  
_**Take back my life song**_  
_**Prove I'm alright song**_  
_**My power's turned on**_  
_**Starting right now I'll be strong**_  
_**I'll play my fight song**_  
_**And I don't really care if nobody else believes**_  
_**'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me**_

_**Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep**_  
_**Everybody's worried about me**_  
_**In too deep**_  
_**Say I'm in too deep (in too deep)**_  
_**And it's been two years I miss my home**_  
_**But there's a fire burning in my bones**_  
_**Still believe**_  
_**Yeah, I still believe**_

* * *

Brennan's PoV

The room is silence for several seconds as we stand up, Cam watching me, though as we're only a yard or so apart it's not hard to claim she can't watch anything else. I'm still shaken from the past few minutes and both of us slowly allowing it to dawn on us that the Impersonator had probably heard the last few minutes, I rather suddenly move apart from her, placing my desk between us "Thank you, Dr. Saroyan, for the help, it won't happen again." 'Remember the recordings' I write on a plain piece of paper sliding it silently across my desk

"Can I ask what happened," she pauses "You're no use to us if you freak out like that again?" 'you okay? what happened?' she writes back

"Don't worry, it won't happen again. This case is just getting to me a bit" 'long story, tell you later.'

"Okay, if you're certain, I'll be on the platform, they're putting the new body out." 'Okay, talk to you about it later?' I nod as the leaves the office Just then, my phone rings

"Brennan?"

"Hello, Dr. Brennan." It's the Imposter

" Why are you calling me? What do you want?"

"Why it's the same thing as I always wanted you to do... but as you've Decided to not play the game my way, let's try something you know very well, you want me to stop going after your friends? Do you want to end our like game? Kill yourself, or turn yourself over to me, and I'll stop placing other players into our little game... just like you've wanted since we started."

"If I do... if I turn myself over to you... you won't go anywhere near them, the people who work in this lab and Dr. Sweets and Agent Booth, why should I ... why should I trust you?"

"Have I given you a reason to doubt me? I've killed someone every time I've said I would, I mean... I've been more honest with you than most the people you're going to turn yourself over to me for."

"What... why do you think I'm going to do anything that you want me to. I mean, you've tried to hurt and kill me, and more importantly my family." I say not thinking much about how I referred to the people in the lab as my family, I mean, in any sense that isn't blood they are.

"That last part of the sentence, the fact that they're your family, that's why... you've always been known to take hits for others... those you care for ... call me when you realize what I already know. Good day, Dr. Brennan." Sure enough, he plays that note

The Imposter then hangs up the phone, leaving time holding the phone to my face, hands back to shaking.

putting the phone down, I take a deep breath, attempting to not steady my breath mind and not give away the last call with the others... They don't need to worry. I'm not going to make them. Despite what he thinks, I'm not going to do what he wants.

The call continues to echo through my mind as I enter leave my office

"Hey, Dr. Brennan, are you okay now?" I hear Hodgins asks as I walk up onto the platform

"Um...Yes, I'm better, thank you for your concern , Dr. Hodgins." I say looking over the portions of the body with no flesh, "There's no obvious cause of death in the bones at the moment."

"Well, I'm going to start the autopsy, if that's alright with you two." Cam asks

"Let me know when I can have the bones." I nodded, just then, my phone rings again , we all tense up a bit, thinking them that the Imposter is calling for the first time since last Wednesday with the crashes, fires and bombs with and myself worried that he's going to bring up his latest... proposition... again, though when I grab the phone, I un-tense, it wasn't the Imposter "Brennan."

"Hello, Bones."

"Booth," I say more to stop the others from worrying then to confirm who I'm talking to "What do you want?"

"I think we need to talk, Bones... It's probably something for the best that we sit and actually talk, can you meet me at the Founding Fathers today?"

"Sure, Booth, if you think it's a good idea." I say pushing whatever anger Booth has caused me recently, he is one of my closest friends, to remain that way, we do need to talk. "I can meet you in 20 minutes or so."

"Sounds good." he says, I hear the smile in his voice

I hang up, and turn to the others, "I'm going to go meet Booth I say, hoping that they won't ask for more details

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Dr. B? When you've talked to him recently ... it hasn't left you in the best mindset... with how this freak is acting lately... he could ..." the end of his sentence is obvious

"I'll be fine, Hodgins." I promise both them and myself as after then, I grab my jacket and other things I need before leaving the lab.

When I get to the Dinner, Booth is sitting at our usual table, as I sit , I realize it's been over two months since we had been here together even longer than that without us being fighting with each other or something similar

"Bones, good to see you." he says as I sit

"Booth."

"It's been a while..." He says slowly, almost like he's trying to no piss me off

"10 weeks and 5 days." I rattle off without really thinking about it.

"How are things at the lab?" he asks as the waitress comes to take our orders... he must be new as I've never seen her here before at all and Booth doesn't call her by name

"This killer we're trying to catch with Coldman and Perrotta, he's copying old cases and he's been trying to hurt people in the lab... he wants me to stop him... but you already know that... Perrotta and Coldman have probably you that."

"Perrotta said that she had your number, that he was taunting you.''

"They've started taunting me with phone calls and letters, yes." I agree not actually telling him much "How's Hannah?" I ask, knowing that that will definitely change the topic

"We broke up." he says frowning, though rather calmly "We've been fighting a bunch... eventually, it's better to end it, we got to that point."

"I'm sorry Booth." I say

He scoffs a bit, "It's not your fault , Bones, we just weren't meant to be."

"Yes, but you loved her, thus, I'm sorry." I say explaining myself

"So, what about you Bones, have you been seeing anyone recently?"

"N-no, not for awhile."

"Hacker?" he asks digging for something, what information does he want me to tell him

"Someone on the dig in Maluku I tell him calmly and honestly not particularly wanting to go any further into it.

"oh." he says with a frown "Do I know them?"

"No, you never met her, and you won't... she died when we were on the dig." I don't go into further detail "What did you want to talk about Booth? You haven't talked to me at all since last Wednesday night , before then it had been almost a month before then."

"I'm sorry Bones, I haven't been a very good partner since that night, have I ?" there's no need to ask what night he was talking about "I haven't either... and maybe needed to explain myself better that night."

"What do you mean Bones.?" he asks

" I told you that you need protecting from me, what I meant was I cannot be what you want me to be, I cannot give you 30 or 40 or 50 years, and I care too much about you, about us together, I mean our relationship to be with you and ruin what we have, though I guess by doing so I kind of ruined it anyway, huh?"

"I believe we-I don't think you give yourself enough credit, nor me, But I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to , and I'm not going to make you feel guilty about it, so, I'm going to let us go. I'd like to go back to being partners and friends, do you think we can do that?" I can tell he's nervous to ask this , but still he did, maybe he finally gets it, maybe he's really moved on that thought doesn't surprise me nor even makes me upset

"I think we can, would you be okay working with me if we couldn't romantically end up together? If we could just be friends, you're sure?"

"Yes, yes, of course, Bones, I'm sorry, I've been an ass lately, I've been more than a little wrapped up in myself"

"...I'm really trying to believe you, Booth, I know you're trying, and I know I should trust you, but I just- I need you to prove it."

Instead of answering, I begin writing everything I know about the Imposter's case on a napkin and giving it to him, he reads it quickly before writing something else on the napkin, standing and handing it to me, he walks out of the diner, rather suddenly. Looking at the napkin I see in Booth's messy writing 'I'm on it, follow my lead, trust me.' and as he drives away he gives me a small nod, I quickly leave, grabbing the napkin, and walking back to the Jeffersonian.


	25. Abusive

_**Three chapters in less than a week, pretty good, no? Two more chapters then we're at the end of the second part of this story. Thank you all so much for all the favorites, likes, and reviews, speaking of reviews, we're almost to 200, do you all think we can make it this chapter?**_

* * *

_**No time for rest **_

_**No pillow for my head **_

_**Nowhere to run from this**_

_**No way to forget **_

_**Around the shadows creep **_

_**Like friends, they cover me **_

_**Just wanna lay me down and finally **_

_**Try to get some sleep **_

_**We carry on through the storm**_

_**Tired soldiers in this war**_

_**Remember what we're fighting for **_

_**Meet me on the battlefield **_

_**Even on the darkest night **_

_**I will be your sword &amp; shield, your camouflage **_

_**And you will be mine **_

_**Echoes and the shots ring out **_

_**We may be the first to fall **_

_**Everything can stay the same or we can change it all **_

_**Meet me on the battlefield **_

_**We stand face-to-face With our inhuman race **_

_**We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay **_

_**Our tainted history, it's playing on repeat **_

_**But we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead **_

_**When I was younger, I was named **_

_**A generation unafraid **_

_**For years to come, be brave**_

* * *

Abusive

When I get back from the Founding Fathers I drag my feet and tell Angela "Look for names with the initials T.B." I say rather suddenly, "For the victim in the trunk… it the pattern follows their initials will be T. and B."

"Brennan… you don't mean…" she says slowly, typing in the parameters none the less

"Yes." I say crossing my arms

"Okay." she says quietly, not taking her eyes off me

"You know you aren't very good at questioning silently Ange, you want to know more." I state after a few rather tense minutes

"If you want to, otherwise I'll just fill in the blanks… not so bad in this case, I know _you_ survive at the end." she shrugs, not doing well at lying

"I'll tell you if you truly want to know."

"If you want to get it off your chest, I'm more than willing to listen."

Hesitantly I begin speaking, memories I've tried to suppress for years wash over me for the second time today, though this time more willingly "I was 16, it was my seventh or eighth foster house" '_10th actually, though she doesn't need to know that.' _ "The father was abusive, his wife and two biological kids weren't too bad, but he more than made up for that, and then there were three other foster kids, I was the oldest, so when I could, I took the beatings… and other punishments for the other kids."

"Other punishments…?" she says sounding faintly sick

"Cattle prods, Ice baths, cigar burns, rape for the girls, being left outside for days, locking in small spaces for hours, even a few days at one point, cut by knives, just plain beatings, take your pick, if I could stop him from doing it to one of the younger children, then I took it, I lied or did something to get him mad at me instead of the others."

"Brennan…" she gasps

"One of the boys, Bryant, he was 14, he'd sometimes take beatings for me when I was unconscious or too bruised to take any more, much to my protest… one day the dad got really furious, he was drunk and didn't realize when he should stop, he beat on me until I was well past unconscious, he threw me in a pile of snow, jerking me back awake, ordered me to get up," I can almost feel the burning pain mixed with the bitter cold shaking the thoughts from my head, I continue "I tried- I swear I did, I later found out that he had managed to break my right ulna, left femur, two ribs, scapula, three bones in my wrist and four in my ankle, both my shoulders were dislocated, most my organs were bruised or bleeding, there was no way I was going to be able to stand up…" I defend "He wasn't happy with that, he yanked me up and dragged me outside, they had this old car that they used for punishment, he threw me on the back seat, he raped me for over an hour, used a cattle prod on me if I didn't act like I liked it enough, so every time I yelled or cried or struggled he would shock me," I shove my sleeve up and show her one of the burns, just two little dots about half an inch apart from each other "He kept going until he had his fill, then threw me in the trunk, it was Friday on a long weekend, but when the other kids went to school on Tuesday, they told the teachers, one of the teachers believed them, a CPS agent showed up in the evening, if they came the next day- I'd have died, I don't know how I survived that long to begin with, I had already lost almost a quart and a half of blood, I got lucky, it looks like this person wasn't that lucky." I have not looked at Angela through the entire story, not wanting to see her reaction and she mercifully didn't ask many questions

"Brennan…" she stops looking for the victim's names and rather suddenly flings her arms around me and hugs me tightly

"I- I'm sorry." I mumble, feeling a few tears hit my back

"What- why are you apologizing"

"You're crying."

"Don't you apologizing for that-" she suddenly stops hugging me, her hands clenched into a fist "I'm going to kill him."

"Who?"

"Either of them, take your pick." she growls

"I didn't tell you that to make you mad or sad- I just… you asked, please Angela, I'm begging you to not make a huge deal of this. I'll tell the others what pertains to the case, but I don't want sympathy-."

"Of course you didn't." she mumbles with a frown

"What do you mean?"

"Brennan, you don't- you don't tell people stuff... selfishly. You don't tell us stuff for sympathy, never for your own gain." she explains

"You say that like it's a bad thing." I wonder aloud, people complain about people talking about yourself too often

"Sometimes- I just wish that you would be selfish, just once in awhile."

"I don't want to worry you guys any more than I already have." referring to this

"Brennan, Sweetie, do you worry about the rest of us when we have this type of stuff come up?"

"Of course."

"Then why the Hell wouldn't we worry about you?"

"Because you don't need to...you shouldn't have to." _I'm not worth it_

Booth's PoV

When I return to the FBI headquarters , I begin looking for Perrotta and Coldman "You guys find James Nix?" I ask rather quickly wanting to get to the point as quick as possible.

"Yes, but we don't have anything on him in hard evidence, we're going to go question him right now, you wish to come, Booth?" Perrotta asks grabbing her jacket and Coldman doing the same

"Yes" I nod hoping to get some answers from this guy and end this case, maybe then the Squints will believe that I'm trying to undo what I did before.

"-the car ride to the crime scene was quite, Coldman didn't talk to Perrotta or I and we weren't interested in talking to each other either when we pull up to a nice enough house in Annandale , close to where we found two of the five bodies. Coldman volunteers to cover the back in case he runs as we knock on the front "James Nix, FBI, we need to talk to you about a case we're working on ." Perrotta yells, knocking on the door.

After a few moments we hear a crash and suddenly Coldman yelling "Freeze Nix!" Perrotta and I begin running around the back but before we even get back there we hear ,",I said freeze!" Coldman yells moment before continuing "Put the gun down, James, put it down." she yells, in the moments as Perrotta and I turn the corner to the backyard three loud cracks echo throughout the air and a second after, James Nix falls to the ground.

I run up to him as Perrotta begins talking to dispatch for an ambulance for the suspect..."No need for an ambulance, Perrotta, call for the M.E. he's dead." I say not feeling a pulse, I see Coldman tense as she hears that probably knowing the investigation she'll likely be under "And this is now a crime scene."

Brennan's PoV

I need to find something, anything, to prove that James is or isn't the killer, that's what keeps me looking at the skeletons for what we missed before, despite every time I blink feeling my head nod and constantly fighting sleep

"You know," Cam says as she walks onto the platform "James Nix is dead, the FBI is almost certain he did it, you can go home, you _should_ go home."

I shake my head stating "We still have no proof, we have no proof that he was the actual killer, how would he have gotten the files to copy the case, how would he be able to so thoroughly clean the scene, he likely had a partner, and that's _if _he was involved at all." I say not looking up from the skeletons

"Dr. Brennan." she puts her hand on my shoulder, I finally look up at her "Go home, that's an order. We'll wrap up this case tomorrow." she says with a small smile

Knowing I don't have enough energy to argue, I nod, taking my gloves off and walking to my office grabbing my stuff and calling a cab before leaving for home.

Soon after the cabbie drops me off at my apartment building, nodding to Alex the doorman I go up to the stairs, as I get closer to my door what I see freezes me in place, in the center of the door is a bright blue note held to the door with a bloody knife. On the note was two words, written in the same handwriting as the other ones _**TRY AGAIN**_.

I quickly step away from my door running back down the stairs to Alex "Has- have you seen anyone in here recently?"

"What are you talking about, Dr. Brennan?" He says sitting up with a frown

"Can I see the security video for my floor, for the last hour or so?" I ask instead of answering

"Um… Yeah, sure…" he says clicking something on the computer as I walk around to face it, sure enough, about 15 minutes ago there's a person in all and all nondescript clothing, minus of course, wearing a hoodie hood, baseball cap, and sunglasses indoors, and as we watch, sure enough, they go up to my door and put the note and knife there before rather than walking back down the hall, the person unlocks my door and walks into my apartment, though we don't see them come back out

Before Alex can say anything, I'm on the phone with Booth "Agent Booth." he answers

"Booth, Nix wasn't the killer, I need you to come to my apartment… he put his knife in my door, and he's likely still in my apartment."

"You haven't gone in, have you Bones?"

"No, but you need to get here quick." I'm not letting this freak get away again

"Already almost there Bones." I can hear the siren in the background as he hangs up

Five minutes later Booth shows up hardly stopping to hand me his backup gun before he runs up the stairs, I follow close behind him. He stands on the other side of the door as I open it up with my key and slowly the door creaks open. We both enter my apartment, guns leading.

There is next to nothing out of place, if the camera hadn't shown them entering, I wouldn't have believed it at all. Slowly checking each room Booth eventually declares "Clear." Going to the window I see it open leading to the fire escape

"He got away, he got away Booth. And we need to run my entire apartment for prints… or any evidence… this entire place is a crime scene." I say walking out of the room, making calls to Hodgins and Cam to run the scene, even if there's nobody, we can't afford any mistakes made, this damned freak is going to get caught.

I'll make sure of that.


	26. Threat

**_Falling a thousand feet per second,_**

**_ you still take me by surprise._**  
**_I just know we can't be over,_**

**_ I can see it in your eyes._**  
**_Making every kind of silence,_**

**_takes a lot to realize_**  
**_It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie._**

**_And as long as I can feel you holding on._**

**_I won't fall, even if you said I was wrong._**

**_I'm not perfect but I keep trying_**

**_cause that's what I said I would do from the start._**  
**_I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave._**

**_ Was it something I said or just my personality?_**

**_Making every kind of silence,_**

**_It takes a lot to realize_**  
**_It's worse to finish than_**

**_to start all over and never let it lie._**

**_And as long as I can feel you holding on._**

**_I won't fall, even if you said I was wrong._**

**_I know that I'm not perfect but I keep trying_**

**_ cause that's what I said I would do from the start._**  
**_I'm not alive if I'm lonely,_**

**_ so please don't leave. _**

**_Was it something I said _**

**_or just my personality?_**

**_When you're caught in a lie,_**

**_and you've got nothing to hide,_**  
**_When you've got nowhere to run,_**

**_and you've got nothing inside._**  
**_It tears right through me,_**

**_you thought that you knew me,_**

**_ you thought that you knew.._**

* * *

**_Only 6 more reviews to get to 200, if the person who does the 200th review has an account, I'll do a Bones one shot for them. son, one word prompt, entire prompt, whatever they want, they just need to be able to receive PMs and have an account._**

* * *

_**C**_am's PoV

After I send Brennan home, I quickly follow suit calling a cab, however, before I even get to halfway to my house, I get a call from _Brennan? why is she calling I freeze, unsure why she would be calling me, we no longer had a case and I told her to stop working for tonight,_ so, unsure what to expect, I answer "Saroyan?"

"Cam... she says sounding shaken and if I didn't know any better, scared "Nix- Nix, he wasn't the killer, and we may have new evidence." she says Her voice is strained and shaky

"Okay, where is it?" I ask fear slithering around my stomach and up my throat like a frozen hand

"My apartment." Is all she says.

"-I quickly talk to the cabbie changing addresses, back to the Jeffersonian to get the mobile lab, much to his dismay, not that I particularly care, just knowing that I need to get there to find out what this freak did and why it shook Dr. Brennan so much "What happened? Are you okay, Brennan? "

"I'm fine, he left another one of his note to me, and stuck it on my door with a knife, he also entered my apartment, so far it looks like he just took my Glock and left, Booth thinks he saw it as a trade of weapons..."

"Booth's there?" I question calmly

"Yes, I called him when I first saw the knife, he's the one who wants the Jeffersonian on this , but there's no body, so you and Hodgins will be the main ones in the lab on this, there looks to be some blood on the fire escape, we think maybe he got stupid and used his own blood on the knife too... but either way, it looks like we may have got him." she pauses "I'm sorry, I'm rambling, I'll- I'll tell you any other details you need when you get here ... I-I need to call Hodgins, "

"Dr. Brennan, wait, I'll call him, just... I'll be there soon . " I say hanging up the phone after she agrees

I call Hodgins, telling him what's going on and to get to Brennan's ASAP, after a few seconds deliberation, I call Sweets too ,if nothing else, an extra set of eyes can't hurt.

When I get there, I see a couple cop cars surrounding the building with Booth's in the very front of the building, sitting on one of the curbs, I see Brennan, she looks more exhausted then I think I've ever seen here, and as I go up to talk to her I see a storm of defeat and anger rolling through them

"Dr. Brennan."

"Dr. Saroyan." she nods before returning to staring at the asphalt in front of her "

"Plenty of cops here for such a small area." I comment

"Alex, the doorman called them, Booth is arguing with them, I don't think they're going to win, Booth is very adamant about it being part of an FBI investigation, thus this is his case."

"Sounds like Booth." I say and it does, the Booth from over a year ago , not this new Booth The Cold November air is starting to nip at me as were' sitting on the curb, looking at Brennan, I see she has on the same tank top she had on at the lab, the shirt that was over it removed nearly five hours ago As my arm brushes against hers I feel how cold her arms are, almost like ice "You're freezing Dr. Brennan, and I don't know about you , but I'd like to get done with the scene, I mean, it's going to take a while..."

"I'm fine, Dr. Saroyan.

Just then, Hodgins and Angela show up Both walking up to us and talking to us "Hey, you okay, Dr. B?" Hodgins asks looking at her worriedly

"Yes, I'm fine, Hodgins ." she nods

"What happened Sweetie?" Angela says, slowly sitting down , by Brennan's other side, nodding to me and Hodgins to go in "You and Booth didn't see him?" I hear Angela ask in

"There's not a body ? is there?" Brennan says sarcastically Angela seems to freeze as the coldness in Brennan's voice and begins to say something but before I can hear anymore,

We enter the building walking up to Brennan's apartment as we get to the door, I first see the knife and note, I begin to see why this seemed to freak Brennan out more than even the bomb in her fridge earlier this week. The blood trailing down her door is chipped off by CSU , only five or so that we had worked with regularly and background checked just in case. Booth, having finally stopped arguing with the metro police, walks up to talk to us

"What happened here, Booth?"

"The Imposter or someone helping him put the knife in the door then entered, he went back to Bones' study, broke into the safe she keeps the gun, then, as far as we can tell, not touching anything, opened the window and used the fire escape to disappear."

"We'll take the knife to the Jeffersonian, same with the safe, run the window and fire escape for prints." I say, Booth echoes me to the crime techs "Booth, Dr. Brennan's not staying here tonight, is she? Not with this freak having been in here so recently."

"No, though where she's planning on staying, I don't know, she's kinda shut down after she called you, I wasn't able to get her to say more than ten words, most of them to confirm that the gun is the only thing missing." He frowns, "I already called Sweets, I'm going to guess Angela is out talking to her..."

"Yeah, she is." Hodgins agrees

"The Crime Techs have this scene... why don't you two go out and try and talk to her, I get the feeling you Squints are going to be more help there than here." he frowns looking around the apartment

"Okay, if you're sure, we're both going to be nearby." I say slowly, frowning a bit

Brennan's PoV

I only vaguely hear Angela talking to me, only really giving one syllable answers when she requires them, a sinking feeling takes the place of my stomach as I slowly realize what I need to do, and more so as I realize who the Imposter must be, my musing is cut off by the ringing of my phone I stand up, making sure to be out of Angela's hearing range before I answer

_**"Hello, Dr. Brennan." the robotic voice answers**_

"Hello."

_**"I see you've realized the error you made today."**_

"Not me." I bite my tongue from saying who did make the error

_**"Ah, but it's your fault, though, you gave them the name."**_

"Cut to the run, what do you want. What do I need to do to make you stop." Best calm them down

_**"Aw... you want our game to stop, I mean I just got a new weapon... though I suppose you'd look lovely dead... a bullet through you head though... that'd be too quick, I mean after all the people you've screwed over...however, I know you're a very proud person, so I'll give you an option... if I see news of the bestselling author, Temperance Brennan's death, by who's hands I don't care, in the news by tomorrow night, I'll leave all your friends alone, Agent Booth, Dr. Hodgins, Ms. Montenegro, Dr. Sweets, Dr. Saroyan, all of them... you can turn yourself over to me in the same time span, and yours will be the last death in our little game."**_

"And if I don't accept either of these choices? If I don't plan on dying." If I stop you tomorrow?

_**"Should you not take either of these options, the consequences will be dire for those closest to you."**_

"Why should I trust you, what reason do I have to believe you won't hurt them." I say leaning against one of the police vehicles

_**"Have I lied to you so far?" **_Is all they offer hanging up on me

I sigh holding my phone to my lips as I think everything they told me, and everything I knew, I think it over repeatedly and keep coming to the same conclusion whether it be through my way or their way, this has to end tomorrow, by this time tomorrow, one of us will be dead, with this thought in mind, I walk back to Angela, who has been joined by Cam and Hodgins, I talk to them for a few minutes, turning down all offers of staying with them saying I don't want to put any of them in any more danger than they already were, though I doubt the impersonator would do anything else tonight, I'm not taking any chances, and I send them off.

When I'm able to leave, instead of going back in or to a hotel, I head to the Jeffersonian, entering my office I turn on my computer, slowly typing seven words onto the screen before walking to the bodies, hoping to find something that will change what I'll have to do tomorrow.

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beckettlovescastlealways


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